


Rescued

by JX27



Category: Stargate - All Media Types, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alternate Season/Series 10, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:13:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 44,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27090271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JX27/pseuds/JX27
Summary: After spending a month captured and tortured by the Lucian Alliance, Sam Carter is rescued. Will she manage to be her old self again? With the help of one General Jack O'Neill and her teammates of SG-1, there's nothing she can't accomplish. But things are more complicated than they might seem.
Relationships: Daniel Jackson/Vala Mal Doran, Samantha "Sam" Carter/Jack O'Neill
Comments: 158
Kudos: 179





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, thanks for reading! This is my first fanfic for this fandom so I hope you like it. It is going to be angsty. I am not going to be graphic about the sexual violence, but I'm putting the TW just in case. 
> 
> All mistakes are mine, and English is not my first language, so if something sounds funny, it's probably my fault lol.

“Are you sure?”

“I’ve run the test twice, just in case.”

“There has to be a mistake”.

“I’m sorry, Sam, but you _are_ pregnant. I can…” Dr. Lam was hesitant for a second, before returning to her professional stance. “I can tell everybody to keep out, give you some privacy.” At Sam’s silence, the doctor decided to go on. “I know it might not seem like that right now, but you _do_ have options”.

“I… uh… I can’t think clearly right now”.

“You have time. No need to make a decision yet." Lam gave her a little smile of compassion, which made Sam cringe inwardly. “One more thing… do you want me to call General O’Neill?”

Sam looked at her with tears brimming in her eyes, as if horrified by the thought. “I haven’t… I don’t… I don’t know. Does he know I’ve been rescued?”

“I’m guessing General Landry will have informed him by now”.

“I don’t know if I can see him. Not like this. How can I face him after what’s happened?”

“Sam, you are not to blame for what happened to you. General O’Neill knows that, everybody does. I’m sure he just wants to see you, to check that you are here, alive.

“He’s probably on his way, anyway." Sam said, almost devoid of feeling. "So, if he gets here, you can tell him to come in.”

“I will. Do you want the rest of your team to come and see you? They’re waiting outside…”

“No. No, I don’t want them here. I can’t. I know they mean well. It’s just… I couldn’t face them right now.”

“Okay. I will come back later to check on your vitals and see how the wounds are healing”.

“Carolyn?” Sam said before the doctor left the isolation room.

“Yes?”

“Thank you”.

“I’m just doing my job”.

“Nevertheless, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me”.

Doctor Lam smiled at her sincerely. She knew how much it’d cost Sam admitting weakness.

“Anytime, colonel. I’ll let you rest”.

\-----------------------------------

Closing the door behind her, the doctor was soon cornered by the rest of the members of SG-1.

“Doctor, how is she? Can we go see her?” Cameron was the first to speak. As much as Carolyn admired the driving impulse of the colonel, she knew it would be an annoyance in this whole thing. She sighed.

“She’s resting now. I’m sorry but I can’t let you in”.

“What do you mean? We’re her team. We want to be there for her”. Cameron voiced what Lam knew everyone was thinking.

“I know that. Sam knows that. And yet, you’ll need to wait until she lets you in”.

“ _She_ doesn’t want us in?” the hurt in Daniel’s voice made Lam eye the teammates one by one sympathetically. She knew what a close team SG-1 was, almost like a family. Sam’s capture had had a deep impact in the mechanics of the team. It had led to different breakdowns, guilt trips and fallouts. Each member blamed themselves for the capture, and each tried hard to get her back. No wonder they now wanted to see her, especially after having waited patiently for almost four hours until the medical exam was over.

“She wants to be left alone. I’m sure once she feels a bit more rested, she’ll allow you to see her” Her smile wasn’t too convincing, but it seemed to appease the team.

Once the doctor left, they all sat unceremoniously looking at the closed door. Vala couldn’t stand the absolute boredom of yet more waiting, so she walked towards the door, glancing at her teammates mischievously.

“You know, we _could_ get in”.

“What part of _Sam-doesn’t-want-us-there_ don’t you understand, Vala?” Daniel was upset at his girlfriend’s insistence.

“I do not believe entering will be the best course of action, Vala Mal Doran” sentenced Teal’c. “If she wished for our company, she would have said so herself. Entering without her permission would only debilitate her trust in us”.

“I just wish we could be there for her. We’ve barely seen her since we brought her through the Stargate.” Daniel and Cameron looked at each other, understanding and echoing Vala’s feelings themselves.

“We’ll just have to be patient” said Cameron, resigned.

They all sat in silence for what seemed an eternity, probably replaying in their minds the events that led to Sam’s capture and subsequent rescue. The mood was bleak: it didn’t matter that Sam had been found alive; they all knew the torture she had endured and could only imagine how much it might cost her to return to her old self.

The silence of SG-1’s ruminations was broken by the sound of footsteps approaching the isolation room. Dr. Lam was accompanied by General O’Neill, who, in his dress blues, looked as somber and bleak as the mood in the hallway.

Mitchell stood in attention, while O’Neill waved him off. He eyed the team for a minute, while Carolyn entered the room to let Sam know the General was there.

“Sir, you can come in” said Lam before departing again.

O’Neill opened the door cautiously, as if afraid of what he might find inside. He kept his eyes low, closing the door behind. And then he saw her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Jack talk for the first time since her rescue.

Jack gulped as he took in Sam’s appearance. One side of her face was bruised and swollen, and there were several cuts marring the other side. Even from where he was standing, he could see that she had some badly healed scars, silent witnesses of a month-long torture. He had tried to mentally prepare himself for the moment in which he would see her again. But nothing had prepared him to see just how thin she was. She looked fragile, as if she was about to be broken with just one touch. She was far from the soldier he had come to know through the years; she didn’t look like the woman he loved. It wasn’t just the thinness, or her battered body: it was her eyes. The light in her eyes had completely disappeared. Jack stayed motionless with his hand on the door handle, not knowing if he should move.

Sam looked at him and merely said:

“Jack”. It wasn’t a shout, not a question. It was a soft whisper, acknowledging his presence. For Jack, the voice of his wife was the spark that made him spring into action. He closed the space between them fast, and embraced Sam. At his tough, she flinched, but, taking a deep breath, she allowed him to gently hug her. She then started crying softly, as if not wanting him to hear her.

“I got you. You’re okay. I got you.” Jack tried to mask the emotions that were threatening to burst out. _She needs you to stay calm, Jack,_ he thought to himself. He tried to sooth her, repeating those words as a mantra. “I got you. You’re okay. I got you”.

They stayed in that position for several minutes, Jack gently rocking Sam’s body back and forth, repeating his mantra. As time passed, they stopped moving and silence invaded the room. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, but they both could feel the charged atmosphere, full of things they were not saying. Eventually, Jack decided to break the silence:

“I was afraid I would never see you again” he admitted. Sam wasn’t expecting such an admission, so she tried to muffle a cry with her bandaged hand. “It’s okay, Sam. You can cry. Lord knows I’ve cried myself enough to be dry”. He gazed at her surprised look. “What? You forgot just how sensitive your husband can be?” He tried to smile, to release some of the tension, but it never reached his eyes.

“I’m sorry”, her voice trembled; it was still soft, and her words cut through Jack like a knife.

“Hey, there’s nothing to be sorry for” he tried to reassure her. But he knew his wife, he knew how much she overthought things, and he knew exactly what her thought process was in her mind.

“I got captured. And I couldn’t free myself. I failed”:

“Sam…” he sighed “Sam, you know that is not true”.

“But it is, Jack”. She looked at him in the eyes, pleading for a forgiveness that she needed, pleading for her husband to unburden the guilt she felt.

“Sam, the only thing that matters is that you are here, with me. Alive. That’s all that matters. You shouldn’t be sorry for surviving. You should be proud”.

Sam huffed ironically at that last comment.

“Pride is the last thing I feel right now”.

“It’s alright. Let me feel it for the both of us.” Jack took Sam’s hand in his and softly said “I love you, Samantha Carter”.

Sam closed her eyes, smiling softly.

“I love you too, Jack O’Neill. I just wish…” she started but didn’t complete the sentence.

“You just wish?” Jack eyed her with curiosity.

Sam took a few seconds to order her thoughts and simply said:

“I just wish things were different”:

“I know. Me too.”

Sam observed her husband in silence. He looked tired, as if he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep since she was captured. She figured he probably hadn’t. His eyes, although tired, showcased his profound love for her. She was lucky to have such a loving man in her life. She knew he wasn’t judging her: he was looking at her with pure, unfiltered love. It broke her heart that, while he trusted her completely, she couldn’t get herself to tell him what Carolyn had told her. But how could she tell him that she was carrying another man’s child? A _rapist’s_ child? She had had some minutes by herself but hadn’t really thought about what she would do. Could she tell him? Maybe it wouldn’t even matter —maybe she could just have an abortion and end the problem. But could she go through that without even telling him? She couldn’t do that to him. However, she couldn’t tell him right at that moment. She wouldn’t burden him further, not yet. He had enough on his plate as it was.

Jack could sense the wheels turning inside Sam’s mind. While he couldn’t exactly know _what_ was bothering his wife —Lord knew she had a myriad of options to choose from—, he _did_ know he needed to stop her thought process before she sank deeper into a hole of guilt.

“Hey, do you want some blue Jell-O?” this was the first thing that came into his mind. Sam, who was still deep in her sea of doubts, was not expecting the abrupt change of topic.

“What?” she asked confused.

“I figure you haven’t eaten a nice meal in a while, and these fluids the Dr. is giving you are not nearly as satisfying.”

The thought of food made Sam’s stomach turn. She didn’t know if she was nauseous from the pregnancy or just because, as Jack had said, she couldn’t remember what it was to have real food, not just some gruel for survival.

She didn’t really want the food, but she saw it as an out, as a way to be left alone for a while.

“Okay” she agreed, making Jack smile.

“Oh, by the way,” Jack said as he turned towards the door. “Would you like to see your teammates?”

Sam’s eyes widened as she panicked at the thought. Jack saw her grimace and nuanced his request:

“They’ve been waiting outside for hours. They are worried about you. I can threaten them and tell them to just seat quietly” he winked his eye.

“I don’t want to see them, Jack” her voice was a plea.

“Okay, as you wish. But they _are_ your friends, your family. They won’t judge”.

Sam knew she couldn’t avoid them forever, but the thought of seeing her teammates’ faces made her anxious. So she thought of a compromise:

“You can tell them to come in with you, when you return with the Jell-O”.

Jack’s face beamed with happiness and what Sam perceived as relief. The General left the isolation room to inform the members of SG-1 of the good news. This was a small victory, a step in the right direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kind comments!
> 
> I really appreciate your feedback :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The members of SG-1 finally get to see Sam.

Once she was left alone, Sam exhaled a breath she didn’t know she was holding. If she was being honest with herself, she felt relieved at being alone. Jack had tried to make her feel loved and comfortable, but all of the time she was with him had felt like an exercise at keeping it together. Of course, she had cried a little with him, but what she truly wanted to do was scream at the top of her lungs, or curl into a ball and cry herself to sleep, or punch somebody to feel something other than self-pity and pain.

She laughed bitterly at that last thought: she wouldn’t be able to punch anybody in her current state even if her life depended on it… And her life _had_ depended on it…

In her solitude, she allowed herself some respite. She hadn’t really let herself break down since her rescue: the first time Dr. Lam had left her alone she was too shocked by her revelation to fully understand the myriad of emotions coming at her like waves.

Sam thought she was probably feeling too many things at once, and she had never been good at deciphering her emotions. She wanted to laugh and cry and scream —but instead, she just kept quiet, staring at her hands laying on her stomach.

Her bandaged hands, that had been broken and badly mended on their own, only to be broken again. Her bandaged hands, with which she had punched, and scraped, and slapped. Her best tools to do her job…

Her job… could she be able to come back to her job? Would she ever recover to return to SG-1? That would be assuming she didn’t have the baby— what if she did? Could she come back to the frontlines with a baby at home? The idea of leaving SG-1 filled her with horror. So much so that she started hyperventilating anxiously, thinking about how much she had lost in the last month of her life, and yet, how much she could still lose.

It was in this state of panic that O’Neill and the members of SG-1 found her. Their chatter was interrupted at once, and Jack rushed to her side.

“Somebody call Dr. Lam, just in case”. The General’s voice was serious but calm. “Hey, Sam, look at me” he continued, in a softer tone, putting the Jell-O on the tray next to him. “You’re okay, Sam. Look at me”. But she was miles away, still in the middle of an intense panic attack.

Vala moved tentatively close to her teammate and took a hand in hers. Sam didn’t flinch; she didn’t even acknowledge the other woman’s actions. While this probably meant she was unreachable in her altered state of mind, it gave the former thief the courage to try to get through to her more actively.

“Sam” Vala got closer to her. “Sam, listen to that hunky husband of yours” she smiled, but didn’t get any reaction from her friend. Jack looked at her, scared of what the thief might do. Vala tried to reassure him nodding her head, letting him know she knew what she was doing. She placed her hands on Sam’s shoulders, and then shook her.

Jack’s eyes widened at the sudden movement, while the rest of the men froze in place. However, the technique seemed to work, as Sam seemed to snap out of her state of mind. At that very same moment, Carolyn entered with Daniel. They both looked worriedly at the scene in front of them.

“Is everything okay?” Dr. Lam glanced at everyone inside the room before focusing on her patient.

“Sam was…” Jack tried to find the right words.

“…out of it” Vala provided, unhelpfully, in Jack’s opinion.

“I believe what Vala Mal Doran means is that Samantha Carter was experiencing an episode of panic” Teal’c explained.

“She was having some sort of flashback” said Mitchell, trying to be helpful as well.

“ _She_ is right here” Sam spoke quietly, devoid of emotion, in a clear contrast of how she had felt just minutes ago.

“Okay. Can you tell us what happened, Sam?” Carolyn debated whether to throw everybody out of the room or not but decided not to when the team backed away to give Sam a bit more space.

“I don’t know. I guess… what they said. I suddenly couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t control it.” Sam didn’t lift her eyes from her hands. She was embarrassed that everybody on her team had seen her in such a vulnerable state. “I couldn’t stop my mind from racing”.

“It does sound like you had a flashback. The emotional and psychological recovery might take as long or even longer than your physical recovery. I know you don’t want to think about it right now, but you will have to go to therapy as soon as you get better physically”.

“Doc, why don’t we let her rest instead of thinking about that?” Jack jumped before Sam could express her discontent with the idea of therapy.

Lam looked at the General with a scornful look but gave up the idea of starting an argument about her patient’s wellbeing. She simply checked her patient’s vitals, corroborating she was okay, all things considered.

“I’ll be back in an hour, but if you have another flashback, let me know. It’s important to see how frequent they are, and I might give you a tranquilizer for you to sleep. I’m a call away”. Lam smiled professionally and added, looking at everybody else, “I trust that you will behave and not make me regret letting you see my patient”.

“Of course we’ll behave, doc”. O’Neill said confidently, happy that they could put Sam’s panic attack behind them. _The first of many_ his mind provided, but he didn’t let it show.

Once the doctor had left, everybody sat around Sam’s bed in awkward silence. _Is this the way everything’s going to be from now on?_ Sam asked herself. The comfort and ease she had always felt around her teammates seemed gone. She didn’t want to be with them, and that worried her.

Nobody seemed to know exactly what to say, so they just remained silent. Jack gave Sam the Jell-O, which she gladly accepted this time: despite her earlier reservations, this was something to do, something to keep her entertained and relieve the uneasiness she felt with everyone looking at her.

Daniel was one of those whose eyes were trained on her. He was, for the first time since the rescue, _looking_ at her, this time taking a moment to observe his friend. The rescue had been rushed. It was only flashes of images in his mind. Teal’c had been carrying her all the way to the ‘gate, and he hadn’t had a second to really _see_ her.

His Sam, who was like a sister to him and now looked so broken. He had never seen her like this, not even after Jolinar, not even after the entity had left her dead.

Every time he took a look at her he felt a pang of guilt in his chest. It was, after all, his fault that she had been captured in the first place. If he hadn’t been so adamant about looking at those ruins, the Lucian Alliance would never had surprised them on the planet.

He felt Vala squeeze his hand, probably wanting to reassure him that he’d done nothing wrong. He was honestly surprised at how insightful Vala really was. She had been great ever since they started dating, but especially during the month of Sam’s ordeal. He squeezed Vala’s hand in return, a silent confirmation that he was okay and appreciated her presence.

Next to the couple, Teal’c didn’t dwell on thoughts about what torture Samantha Carter had endured. He just observed her eating the Jell-O in silence. He knew she was a warrior of great skill— he also knew it might take her a while to be her old self. So he just observed, trying to decipher her expressions, solemnly waiting for a glimmer of the Samantha Carter he knew and loved. It was subtle, but it was there. He just had to be patient.

The silence was deafening, but it was the only thing they had all tacitly agreed on. And so, the first time her team saw her after her rescue, nobody said a thing. Sam was grateful that no one forced her to talk, that they all accepted she needed silence and time. It was an awkward silence, but it was better than talking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Up until now all the chapters have been set during the same day... we'll probably move on in time a little bit for the next chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: There's non-con at the beginning of the chapter. Nothing graphic, but it might be triggering.

Sam was sinking in the darkness that surrounded her. She could feel the bile rising to her throat as she realized where she was: the cell. The familiarity of the packed clay underneath her fingers left no room for doubts. But why was she blindfolded? That was definitely new. _Great, as if I needed more surprises_ , she thought, trying to control the nausea that now came to her in frequent waves. She tried to move her hands, but they must have tied her tighter than the other times, because she couldn’t move them an inch. What was happening today, that every part of her confinement seemed familiar and yet not the same? She calmed her breathing, trying to listen better to her surroundings.

The rhythmical dripping of some water was the first thing that caught her attention. It was loud and almost sounded artificial. _Another novelty_ , she thought. Had they moved her to another cell? Why would they even do that? It wasn’t like she had been able to find a way out of the other one…

She tried to move her body, but it was as if she was paralyzed. Had they injected her with something? The only thing she was able to do was listen in the darkness.

But even her hearing must have been impaired, for she didn’t notice the person that had come into her cell until she felt a hard blow on her face. The surprise of the violent strike made her tumble to the floor and gasp desperately for air. She must have been drugged because she couldn’t move at all. She could only feel the pain cruising through her body as an electrical current. Then she heard the familiar voice of one of her captors:

“You are going to tell us everything about the SGC”.

She laughed, spitting some blood from her mouth. With a hoarse voice she spoke, trying to sound as confident as possible:

“You could just save time and kill me, because I will not tell you anything”.

“Oh, my dear, there are _many_ worse things than death”.

She felt him approach her, and heard her clothes being ripped off.

**“Nooooo!”**

Sam’s scream woke Jack, who had been sleeping next to her bed in the infirmary. He was still half asleep but jumped to his feet and tried to calm his wife.

He attempted to hug her, but she was still inside her nightmare, so she tried to get away from him, kicking and slapping him in panic. It broke Jack’s heart to see Sam in such a state. This had been the tonic the last three nights since the rescue, and the nightmares didn’t seem to subside any time soon. He decided to try another strategy, without touching her.

“Hey, Sam, honey, you’re safe” he was whispering into her ear, trying to get through to her. “Sam, you are safe with me. You’re at the SGC. We got you”.

She was crying and screaming incoherent words, trying to fight whoever was in her head. If he wasn’t so worried for her, he would pause to admire her perseverance and strength to continue fighting even as injured as she was.

“Sam” he said a little louder, hoping to have her snap out of her nightmare. Her monitor was beeping loudly and frantically, which in turn was making him anxious. “Carter! Look at me!” He tried to tap into Sam’s soldier-self by using her last name.

Dr. Lam entered at that time, alerted by the alarming sound of Sam’s vitals.

“Doctor, she is having a nightmare. I can’t… She’s not responding to me.” Jack sounded worried and helpless. Carolyn had seen the General as desperate the few moments he had come to the SGC during his wife’s estrangement. However, his desperation was a bit different this time: he seemed more exhausted and, she thought, maybe more hopeless. She knew the General had never given up on the idea of rescuing Sam— but now that he had her back, the hopelessness of not being able to help her hit him like a hammer.

“I’m going to give her a sedative and hopefully she will have a dreamless sleep”.

“Is this going to last forever?” Jack asked, not expecting Lam to answer.

“You, of all people, should realize it isn’t.” The doctor eyed him knowingly, silently confirming she was familiar with his background.

“I didn’t know you knew…” Jack suddenly felt uncomfortable —his past wasn’t something he liked to discuss with anybody.

“General Landry told me.” She tried to keep the conversation professional by naming her father like that. “He was concerned about what Sam’s capture might mean to you psychologically”.

“Well isn’t that nice of him?” Jack said sarcastically.

“I will recommend some therapy sessions for you as well as soon as you are up for it, General”.

“Look, doc…” Jack started to complain, but was rapidly interrupted by Lam.

“It is not up to discussion. I may not have authority over at HWS, but as long as you are here and colonel Carter is here, you _are_ going to therapy. I even have contacts over at HWS to ensure that you get some therapy once I let you off the hook”. Jack winced at the thought oh having to talk about his feelings to a shrink, so Carolyn tried to be a bit softer when she continued: “Look, General, the whole team is going to have to go to therapy, it is not just you two. Everybody has gone through terrible stress and guilt this past month. I know your job does not require you to be in the front lines anymore, but it does depend on you being in a stable state of mind.” Jack sighed; he knew the doctor was right.

“It doesn’t have to be right away, General. But if you want to help her get better, you’ll have to be there for her, in a way you can _actually_ help. And the only way is for you to get help first.”

Jack stayed silent for a few seconds, before asking:

“Does it have to be MacKenzie?”

“I can see if we can have another psychiatrist cleared for the SGC.”

“Thanks, doc. I appreciate it”.

“No problem”.

Carolyn left Jack with a now sleeping Sam thinking that maybe if she managed to get another psychiatrist, she could get everybody to find the help they needed.

\---------------------------------------------------

When Sam woke up later that night, she found Jack and Cameron silently chatting about something she couldn’t discern. Cameron was the first to notice she was awake, and he signaled Jack with his head.

“Hey, sleeping beauty, how are you?” Jack’s voice was soft, tinged with concern. Sam blushed a little before answering.

“Okay, I guess”, her voice was raspy from her earlier screams, which made her remember the nightmare she had. “I think I had a nightmare”.

Cameron looked at Jack hesitantly.

“You mean right now?” Jack asked.

“No… I think I had a nightmare earlier in the night, but I don’t remember waking up”.

Jack doubted for a minute whether to tell her what had happened or not but decided that honesty would be the best path forward.

“You did have a nightmare. I couldn’t get you to wake up, so the doctor gave you a sedative.”

“Oh.” Sam felt a bit embarrassed to appear weak in front of Mitchell. Cameron felt Sam’s uneasiness and tried to give her some privacy.

“I… uh… I’m going to get some coffee from the mess. Do you want some? General?” Sam knew what he was attempting to do and appreciated it.

“Cam, there’s no need for you to go” she said and smiled.

“It’s okay. I think the General might want some coffee and I could do with a cup. I’ll see you in a minute”.

Just as the colonel left, Jack tried to joke to make the atmosphere lighter:

“You would think I scare him” he smiled, and Sam smiled back. It was not a full smile, but it was an acknowledgment of his efforts.

“I think he was just being polite”.

“I know, Carter. It was just a joke”. They were in silence for a few minutes.

“Do you think everybody is going to act like that from now on?” Sam wondered out loud.

“Like what?”

“Like they have to give us space, like they have to leave us alone. Like they need to run away from me”.

“No. They won’t. But they may for a little while”.

“They are scared I will break down…”

“They just want you to be comfortable.”

“I don’t know…”

“You don’t know if they want you to be comfortable?”

“I don’t know if I will break down”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! As always, I appreciate your feedback! :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam finally gets home, and decides it's time to talk to Jack, but first, she has a moment with Teal'c.

It wasn’t until a week passed, after Jack’s constant insistence, that Dr. Lam allowed Sam to leaver base to go home. In truth, Sam was grateful that Jack had insisted so persistently: she couldn’t stand staying on base anymore. So, as Dr. Lam finalized her discharge papers, Sam sat patiently on the edge of her bed, with Teal’c in silence next to her.

“Teal’c?” Sam asked cautiously.

“Yes, colonel Carter?” Teal’c looked at her expectantly.

“Thank you.”

“Whatever for?” he raised an eyebrow with curiosity.

“For being here. For not expecting anything from me. For letting me be in silence.”

“Any time, colonel Carter”. He smiled softly.

“Do you think…” Sam started but stopped, trying to order her thoughts.

“What is it that I should think, colonel Carter?”

“I wonder if I’ll ever be able to come back to SG1”.

“Of that I have no doubts, colonel Carter”.

“It’s just…” her voice trembled. She felt comfortable with Teal’c, who never judged her, who always seemed to know exactly what to say. “There’s something else, Teal’c. Something I haven’t told anybody…”

“I am sure that whatever it is troubling you can be solved. I am here for you if you need somebody to confide on”.

Sam smiled. She knew she could always count on Teal’c to say exactly what she needed to hear. She couldn’t tell him about the pregnancy—she had to tell Jack first. However, she could confide her doubts on her friend in a non-explicit way.

“It’s just something that will only complicate things. I don’t know how to tell Jack” she sighed.

“I am sure that whatever it is will not change what O’Neill thinks about you”.

“I know, I just… I don’t want to cause him any more pain, Teal’c. He’s been through so much already.”

“And so have you, colonel Carter” he sentenced, before continuing, “The strength of a warrior comes not only from discipline and training; it also depends on great confidence between allies. Both you and O’Neill draw your strength from sharing your problems and your anxieties. You are great warriors because of it. I have no doubts that you will find the will to tell him whatever is troubling you. And I have no doubts that he will accept whatever it is.”

“Teal’c?”

“Yes, colonel Carter?”

“Do you mind if I lay my head on your shoulder?” Sam didn’t know why, but for the first time since her capture, she didn’t mind a physical interaction. She felt safe with Teal’c.

“Of course not, colonel Carter.” He felt proud that Samantha had so much trust on him. For once, it seemed that there was something from the old Samantha Carter trying to come to the surface. Teal’c didn’t consider himself to be sentimental, but, for the first time since the rescue, he allowed himself a moment of hope.

\---------------------------------------

The first thing that caught her attention when she entered her house was how neatly kept it was.

“Have you been cleaning all this time?” she asked as Jack helped her sit on her sofa.

“Ya sure, youbetcha” he said, smiling, as she rolled her eyes.

“You shouldn’t have”.

“It wasn’t only for you” he confessed, and Sam eyed him questioningly. “It was also for me. As long as I kept your house tidy, you were coming back to it.” He shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. “Besides, I was coming back and forth from D.C., and I needed a place to sleep at”.

“Thank you.” Sam said visibly touched.

“Always.” Jack said as he sat down on the sofa next to her, but careful not to touch her. They stayed in silence for a few minutes. This seemed to be what they now did best, neither knowing how to break the silence to say what was really on their minds. Jack decided to resort to the only thing he knew she wouldn’t mind talking about.

“So the doc said you have to regain your strength. Do you want to order something to eat?”

“I guess. I’m not too hungry”.

“Sam, you haven’t been eating much… you need your strength. I promised Lam I would make sure I’d take care of you” Jack looked at her with pleading eyes.

“Okay” Sam conceded.

“Chinese? Italian? Oh! Mexican?” His eyes twinkled with anticipation.

“Whatever you prefer”. Jack’s smile faded a little bit at Sam’s answer.

“Come on, Carter. I think Mexican might be a bit too spicy, but there’s this great place that has awesome quesadillas”.

“Sounds fine” Sam said faintly.

“Good, let me call the place.” Jack wanted to kiss Sam but refrained from doing so. He knew how hard it was for her to get some intimacy back after the attacks and torture from those thugs. He really didn’t want to stop to think exactly about _what_ they did to her; it was clear enough. He had the unread report of her injuries that Dr. Lam had provided him, as he was privy of the information as head of HWS. He couldn’t bear to read it; he could imagine it anyway.

As he left to order the food, Sam determined she could not wait any longer to tell Jack about her pregnancy. She had to make a decision about it, and soon. And she needed him to help her decide. But the truth was that she _was_ terrified of how Jack would react. She really didn’t know how _she_ felt about it. Between all the weird interactions with her team, the physical pain, and the constant nightmares, she had barely thought about the pregnancy. Not that any of that had subsided, but now that she was away of the mountain, she felt a bit freer to start with her recovery. And step one, she decided, was to start confessing her deepest secret to her husband.

“Done. They should be here in half an hour. I ordered some tacos as well; I hope you don’t mind.” Jack returned and found her immersed in her world. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“I… Jack… I need to tell you something”.

“Okay…” He felt nervousness rise within him.

“I really don’t know how to tell you.” Sam looked at Jack with tears starting to form in her eyes. Jack sat close to her and took one of her hands in his.

“Hey, whatever it is, you can tell me”.

“I know but…” she muffled a cry.

“Sam, look at me. I’m not going anywhere. You can tell me.”

“I know, I know.” She couldn’t control her tears anymore. “I love you, Jack.” She leaned on him and he hugged her, careful not to do it too tightly.

“I love you, Sam” he waited for a few seconds before continuing, “what is it you want to tell me?”

Sam looked at him. She could see the love that exuded his eyes. He loved her unconditionally; she could lose herself in the love of those brown eyes. She composed herself and then, dropped the bomb, looking at him in the eyes:

“I am pregnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and comments! :D


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Jack continue the conversation started on the last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, work has been frantic these days! Hope you like it :)

“What?”

“I’m pregnant”.

Jack looked at Sam: the tears were back in her eyes as she avoided his after repeating her words. She was staring at the wall on his back.

“Is it…?” Jack started, cautiously.

“Yours?” Sam completed, laughing bitterly, biting her lower lip to control her tears. “No. The time… it doesn’t match. We hadn’t… not for three weeks before the capture so… it can’t be yours” she muffled a sob. “I’m only one month pregnant, it must have happened at the beginning… I’m sorry, Jack.” She was now crying, having failed at controlling her emotions.

Jack got closer and hugged Sam.

“Hey, c’mere. There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“But Jack…”

“Nop. Not having any of that. There’s _nothing_ to be sorry for.” Jack wanted to ask Sam what her plans were for the baby, but refrained to do so, in case she might interpret it the wrong way. She must have read the unasked question in his mind because she continued:

“I don’t know what to do”.

“Have you thought about your options?”

“I haven’t… I… I was busy having nightmares and flashbacks and awkward conversations… I don’t know, Jack. Maybe I could just have an abortion and forget about this whole thing”. Sam looked at him as if gauging his reaction. He remained silent; he knew she wasn’t done. “But I don’t know if I can do that to you, having already lost Charlie…”

“Hey, this isn’t about me, Sam” Jack said, but Sam was already miles away.

“The thing is… for the past 24 hours, there’s been this little voice in my head… saying ‘yes’” She sighed, wiping off the tears that had wet her face. “This might be my only chance at being a mother. It shouldn’t even have happened in the first place: the protein marker… Janet was convinced it would impede any viability… and I also had the depo shot. Carolyn was as surprised as me. So maybe… this is a miracle? Don’t look at me like that. Oh, God, I’m not making any sense”.

“You _are_ , Sam. Everything you are saying is making sense. And if you want to have it, I will support you. I will support any decision you make”.

“Can you love it even if it is not yours?” Sam asked. This was a fear that had been haunting her since Lam told her the news.

“Of course I can. It’s _yours_. I love everything about you. It doesn’t matter I am not the biological father; I can still be a father for him or her”.

“I’m scared, Jack” Sam confessed.

“Of what?”

“What if I can never go back to SG-1? This baby only complicates things. What if everything I’ve worked so hard for suddenly disappears into thin air?”

“Everything you’ve worked for will still be there when you are ready to come back”.

“But what kind of mother could I be, leaving a child behind every time I step through that gate?”

“Sam, there are mothers in the military. You’d be a mother who’s working hard to protect the Earth where her child lives”.

“There’s more”.

“What is it?”

“I’m scared that if I decide to keep it, every time I look at it I’ll see _him_.” She didn’t have to specify who she was referring to. “His face. I don’t know if I’ll be able to love a baby with a father like that. What if the baby grows up to be like his father? How can I bring a baby to the world like that?”

“Hey, look, whoever or whatever the biological father is doesn’t matter. The baby is not going to be a psycho just because of his genes. The baby will be great because _you_ will be a great mom and you will raise him…or her… right” Sam squirmed a little at his choice of words. Why wasn’t he including himself in the picture?

“Will _you_ be there to raise him… or her…?” She asked, mimicking his words. Jack realized what Sam feared by asking him that.

“Of course. I’m not going anywhere. No matter what”.

“Even if I keep it?”

“Even if you decide to do whatever you want with it”.

Sam laughed, with tears freely streaming down her face.

“I’m a mess”.

“I know. But you are _my_ mess. And I’m yours. And we can be messy together”. Sam smiled for the first time since she told Jack the news.

Just then, the doorbell rang.

“It must be the food. Let me go grab it.” Jack said, kissing Sam’s hand before getting to the door. In those few moments of loneliness, Sam placed her hands on her stomach, sighing, thinking about what she was going to do about the baby.

Jack came back with the food and placed it on the coffee table in front of the sofa. He smiled at Sam and took a second to observe her. She looked exhausted, eyes red and puffy, her wounds still healing. However, she looked beautiful in his eyes.

“I love you, Sam”.

Sam looked up at him and smiled softly.

“I love you, too”.

Jack sat down close to his wife, still careful not to touch her in case she was jumpy. They ate in silence, both immersed in thoughts about the baby and the decisions they’d have to make. It was usually Jack who broke the silence in these situations, but on this occasion, Sam started:

“If I keep the baby, I’ll have to inform General Landry”.

“Yes, I suppose you will. I can tell him if you don’t feel comfortable”.

“Do you think Carolyn will have told him about the pregnancy already?”

“I guess she must have. After all, she had to put it on your medical records, and he’s your CO: he had to be in the know”.

“So, it won’t really be a surprise, will it?”

“No, I don’t think so. He will support you, you know. He’s a good officer”.

“Yes, he is. Wait a minute… Don’t you also have access to my medical records as head of Home World Security?”

Jack shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“Um… yes”

“Then you already knew I was pregnant, didn’t you?”

“No, I didn’t. I…” he stopped and sighed. Then, looking at her in the eyes, he confessed: “I never had the heart to look at the specific details of your capture… I could imagine them, anyway”.

“Oh” Sam was surprised at the admission. She knew how hard the whole thing had been on Jack, but she didn’t imagine he would not even look at her records.

“Yeah…” Jack put a hand on his hair trying to mask the discomfort.

They both fell into an awkward silence, not knowing how to follow those admissions.

“This couldn’t come at a worse time” the harshness of the tone of Sam’s words made Jack lift his eyes to meet Sam’s. She continued: “in the middle of the war with the Ori and the Lucian Alliance”.

“Any time would have been a bad time. And the SGC functioned for a whole month without you…” he stopped dead in his tracks realizing how bad what he had said sounded. “I didn’t mean… oh, god, I’m sorry, I didn’t… that sounded horrible” He closed his eyes, cursing his ineptitude at words.

Sam, who had been a little hurt by Jack’s incompetence at making her feel better, understood his efforts, and tried to help him:

“You are right, the world doesn’t stop just because my life does”.

“I’m sorry, Sam. I’m horrible with words. I just meant that you could take as much time as you needed to recover from the torture and then have maternity leave. Your position at the SGC is not going anywhere. And if you wanted a job in the science department instead of the front lines, we could give you that, too. Once you are cleared for active duty, of course.”

“When do you think that would happen?”

“It’s up to you… and dr. Lam… and the new shrink she will get for the SGC…”

“So it will take a while…”

“We’re in no hurry” Jack tried to calm Sam’s worries.

“But we _are_. Who knows when the Ori are going to launch an attack on Earth…?”

“Sam, right now you only need to worry about you, and the baby. I’ll do the worrying for the rest of the issues”.

“But…”

“No buts. I’ll make it an order”.

Sam sighed and said:

“Yes, sir. I’ll let you worry on my behalf.”

“That’s more like it. Now, do you want to rest? You have a little one to take care of”.

“I do, don’t I?” she asked. “We’re going to have a baby” her voice sounded almost surprised, as if it was the first time the idea really sank in her head.

“Yeah, we are”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! All feedback is appreciated!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam has her first therapy session.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, thanks for reading! 
> 
> Sorry if this chapter has a bit too much of psychological talk, but I wanted it to be as realist as possible.

“So, Colonel, let’s cut to the chase” The psychiatrist, a persistent woman by the name of Sanders, asked Sam around fifteen minutes into her first therapy session. Sam had been making innocuous small talk in the hops that the time would be up, and she could get on with her day. “You haven’t even told me how you are feeling today”.

“I’m fine, doctor”.

“If that’s the way you want it to be… okay”.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Colonel…”

“Call me Sam”.

“Okay, Sam. You only get from therapy as much as you put in it. If you want to lie and tell me you are feeling fine, that’s okay. But it will not help you heal. Look, healing is a long process, and not precisely a pretty one. It’s been, what, three weeks since you came back from your imprisonment? I’d say it’s a good time to start dealing with your emotions, now that you are physically a bit better…” the psychiatrist looked at her with knowing eyes, “So I’ll ask again, how are you feeling?”

Sam decided she didn’t dislike the woman enough to keep on lying to her. So she took a breath to steady her feelings and answered sincerely:

“I’m angry, and scared, and, I guess, I’m tired”.

“Okay, we can go little by little unraveling each of those emotions. You seemed to doubt a little about being tired. What are you tired of?”

“Of everything”.

“Could you be more specific?”

“I’m tired of my nightmares. And I’m tired of the pain. And I’m tired of everybody looking at me like I’m about to break. I’m tired of everybody tiptoeing around me. But most of all, I’m tired of the feeling that I will never have the same relationship I had with my team”.

“There are two main aspects from what you just said: first, you are tired of what I suspect you consider a slow pace in your recovery. The nightmares, the physical pain… those are directly related to things that we can more or less manage. The other aspect is related to the perception you have of what your team, your friends think about you. And that is created _by_ you. Of course, it might be based on the truth: your teammates want to be careful around you because they care, but they do not see you as you think they do. They know you are strong, and they know you won’t break. We can work on both issues during our sessions next week”.

“Have you talked to my teammates, doctor?”

“Yes, I have. And, please, call me Julia”.

“What did they say?”

“I’m afraid I cannot tell you that. But they are dealing with the fallout of your capture in their own way.”

“Have you…” Sam hesitated a little before completing her question, “Have you talked to Jack—to General O’Neill?” she amended.

“I have, yes. And you can call him Jack, I know you are married”.

“You do?”

“He told me”.

“He did?”

“Yes. He thought it would be important for me to know, and I agree. Sam…” the doctor paused for a second before continuing, making Sam look at her in the eyes. “We do not need to talk about this today, but he also told me about your pregnancy. I probably shouldn’t, but I’m letting you know because I consider it an important issue that might explain your feelings of anger and fear”.

“I really don’t want to talk about it right now” Sam said, blushing.

“That is okay. We will get to it. There is no need to rush things”.

“Okay” Sam let out a breath of relief at the thought of not having to tackle that particular issue.

“Apart from your nightmares, have you had any flashbacks?”

Sam winced at the question; of course, the doctor wouldn’t let her off the hook as easily.

“Yes. I’ve had some”.

“What do you remember from them?”

“I just thought I was _there_ again. They were more vivid than a nightmare. I could feel the pain again, as if it was really happening to my body”.

“Sometimes flashbacks make you lose all awareness of what’s going on around you. Sometimes, you might maintain some connection to your present moment. The important thing is to start to identify your triggers”.

“My triggers…” Sam started to think about the moments when she had experienced a flashback. In the couple of weeks, she had been home, they had been quite frequent.

“Yes, your flashbacks are triggered by something that reminded you of the event. It might have been a word, or a smell, a person… anything, really.”

“That’s helpful”. Sam said, sarcastically.

“By identifying what your triggers are, you can limit your exposure to them” the doctor continued, ignoring Sam’s comment, “or, if that’s not possible, which might be the case, you can prepare yourself devising ways to cope with your reaction to those triggers”.

“Ways to cope?”

“Yes. First, it will be useful to identify early warning signs. For instance, you might feel that you are losing touch with your surroundings. If you identify a flashback early, it will be easier to deal with it”.

Sam was listening attentively. There might be something to this whole therapy thing, she thought.

“The most important technique, however, is what we call _grounding_. As the name implies, it’s basically about grounding yourself to the present moment. You want to use your five senses to connect with your here and now. I will give you this flier” Julia said, handing it to Sam, “which contains specific things you can do with your senses to come back from a flashback”.

__

Sam took a quick look and simply said “Thanks”.

__

“I guess that is your homework for next week. Start identifying triggers. Start trying to ground yourself during a flashback”.

__

“I’ll try”.

__

“I know you will”. Sam started to get up to leave when Julia said. “Oh, and Sam: I know this was a mandated scheduled appointment, but you can call me any time, and we can have a session, whether by phone or in person”. She handed Sam her business card, as she said those words.

__

“Thank you, doctor. I mean… Julia” Sam smiled sincerely, and slowly, still with a limp from her time captured, she walked out of the office.

__

\-------------------------------------------

__

“So, how was your first session with dr. Sanders?” Jack asked tentatively, as he placed a plate of food in front of Sam, who was sitting on her sofa, looking utterly tired.

__

“It was… good”, she answered and, despite the dubitative tone in her voice, she meant it. “We talked about triggers”.

__

“Ah”. Jack knew all about triggers, and flashbacks, and PTSD, after his own capture in Iraq. He had never been good at coping with them, but he hoped the new shrink, whom he actually liked, would be more helpful for Sam than the help he had received years back. “What did she tell you?”

__

“She gave me a pamphlet with information, and she told me I had to start identifying my triggers”.

__

“Okay, I can help you with that”.

__

“Can we just drop the subject?” Jack looked at Sam and realized how tired she really was.

__

“I’m sorry. What do you want to talk about?”

__

“Nothing. Can we just eat in silence?”

__

“Sure, you betcha”. Jack smiled, but Sam just stared at her plate and started eating quietly. He observed her eat in silence. It was clear it had been a taxing day for her. Maybe an hour of therapy was too long. Maybe it was just that her pregnancy was making her more tired. After all, she was having morning sickness—and, according to Lam, she was slightly anemic.

__

“Can you stop?” Sam asked, interrupting his train of thought.

__

“Doing what?”

__

“Whatever this is you’re doing. Looking at me with puppy eyes”.

__

“I’m sorry”. Jack said, looking down, embarrassed at having been caught in his observation.

__

Something about his embarrassment made Sam irrationally angry, exploding with a rage she didn’t even know she was holding:

__

“I’m _**so**_ tired of everyone looking at me like that!” She said, almost screaming. “I’m _**so**_ tired of your pity. I can’t take this anymore!” The sudden outburst caught Jack completely off-guard, so he wasn’t able to find the right words to say.

__

“I can’t breathe! I feel like I’m drowning in your commiseration!” Sam stood up, still filled with an anger she deep down knew was mis-directed.

__

She was about to continue with her tirade, when, suddenly, she felt a sharp pain in her abdomen.

__

**“AHH!!!"** her eyes widened in panic and Jack stood up, feeling the same panic himself.

__

“Hey, hey, hey. What’s going on? Are you okay?” he tried to hold Sam in his arms.

__

“I don’t know what’s happening. It hurts”. She didn’t want to put into words the fear of what she suspected was happening to her.

__

“Okay, let’s get you to base”.

__

He moved her gently to his truck and started driving as quickly as possible, as she writhed of pain in the seat next to him.

__

“I don’t want to lose the baby, Jack” Sam said, in the verge of tears.

__

“You won’t” he tried to reassure her, but the truth was he was as scared as her.

__

“I’m scared.”

__

“I know”.

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I mention this was an angsty fanfic?


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is the baby okay?

Jack sat outside the infirmary with his hands on his face, reliving the whole scene of Sam’s meltdown, trying to pinpoint the exact thing he said that upset her, trying to decipher what gesture, what word set her off.

“Hay” Jack looked up and saw Daniel sitting down next to him. “I just heard” he said as an explanation.

“I had forgotten just how fast rumors fly in this base”.

“I have contacts, you know. Vala’s become a good friend of nurse Francis”.

“Ah”.

“So, how is she?” Daniel asked, genuinely concerned.

“I don’t know, they haven’t told me anything, Danny boy.” Jack sighed. He knew his friend meant well, but he wasn’t mentally prepared for an interrogation.

“What happened?”

“We had this stupid argument—well, rather, she got upset because of something I did… I don’t know, Danny boy. She started shouting and suddenly she was in pain and… well I couldn’t let her lose the baby”.

Those last words hit Daniel like a sack of bricks.

“She’s pregnant?”

“Yeah… well, at least she was, I don’t know about now. We were waiting to tell you guys. It was too soon anyway. And something like this could happen, so why bring your hopes up?”

“Wow”. Daniel tried to process the new information, when it hit him: “Is it yours?” Years of friendship allowed the archeologist to have the indiscretion of asking such a personal —and painful if Jack could say so— question.

Jack took a deep breath and decided to be honest with his friend:

“No. We were going to tell you guys it was, so things would not be too awkward. I don’t know if that matters anymore”.

“Oh. And you were going to raise it as your own?”

“Of course I was, Daniel. What kind of person do you think I am?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I just…”

“You just what?”

“I imagine it must have been painful for you both to get the news. I know you wanted to have kids together, and this… well, it’s not ideal”.

“I don’t even know if she’s pregnant anymore, Daniel” Jack said, feeling the pain of each word as it left his mouth. “But yeah, it wasn’t ideal. It was painful for her; she was scared that I was going to run away or something if she decided to keep it” He rubbed his tired eyes with his hand. “And I do admit I had some reservations about the baby myself. Hell, I thought it might be a reminder of all the rape and torture she had endured… and it probably would be… But then she was hurting and panicking about losing the baby and I was panicking with her, and I realized I wanted it, no matter who the father was. Anyway, maybe that doesn’t really matter anymore.”

“Don’t think like that, Jack.”

“I can’t help it. We have rotten luck”.

As if that was a cue for the doctor to enter the hallway, Dr. Lam appeared just at that moment. Jack jumped to his feet and didn’t let her as much as open her mouth:

“Doctor, how is she? How is the baby? Has she lost it? Oh, please, tell me she hasn’t”.

“Relax, General. She’s okay, and so is the baby”.

The words lifted a weight from Jack’s shoulders as he hugged her affectionately and exclaimed: “Oh, thank God!”

Carolyn, a bit taken aback from the showcase of affection from the General, smiled awkwardly and continued informing the two men, as Daniel smiled as well.

“I would like to keep her for observation tonight. Apart from the abdominal pain, she was also spotting. Both are fairly common in early pregnancy. However, considering Colonel Carter’s age, and the wounds she is still recovering from, her pregnancy might be a risky one, both for her and the baby. I will give her some supplemental vitamins, but from what I could gather seeing her analyses, she’s anemic and, I’m guessing, not eating much, or well. You need to make sure to correct that, or the next time you come here I won’t have good news to give you…”

“I’m sorry, doc. It’s been hard on her—the whole thing.”

“I know. I do hope therapy will work, though. But you _do_ need to keep an eye on her diet, or I’ll have to recommend having her here, which is something I’m sure nobody would like to happen”.

Jack winced at the thought of having Sam confined to base, as if having been a prisoner of the Lucian Alliance wasn’t enough.

“Of course, I will keep an eye on her”.

“Good. Well, you can go in and see her. Last time I checked she was awake”.

“Thank you, doctor” Jack smiled sincerely as he entered the room Sam was in.

Daniel was about to do the same when Carolyn stopped him.

“Give them a couple of minutes alone, Doctor Jackson. The colonel was pretty shaken up”.

“Okay”.

\-------------------------------------------

Indeed, “shaken up” would be and adjective Jack would use to describe how Sam looked as he neared her bedside. Her paleness contrasted furiously with her red and puffy eyes. The trails of fresh tears glistened on a couple of scars that were still healing. Jack tried to mask his worry with a soft smile.

“You scared me back there” he said, taking her hand.

“Yeah. I was scared too” she admitted, her voice a bit hoarse from screaming of pain earlier.

“But you are okay, and the baby is okay too. That’s all that matters” he kissed her hand gently.

“Yes…”

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he looked at her worriedly.

“This whole thing happened because I lashed out on you…”

“Don’t say that, don’t think about that”

“I’m sorry” Sam’s voice was almost a whimper. “I don’t even know why I was so angry at you…”

“It’s okay. The important thing is you both are. Forget about what happened.”

“But I can’t do that. I treated you terribly. I risked my baby’s life… and I don’t even know what got into me” she cried softly after saying those words.

“Sam, you were tired, and I was prying. I should have left you in peace. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be” she eyed him surprised. “I am the one who’s sorry. I’m sorry I’m doing such a crappy job at recovering”.

“Hey, recovery takes time. As far as I’m concerned, you’re a genius at recovery, just like you are a genius at everything you do”.

The comment made Sam giggle, much to Jack’s relief.

“What did I say about giggling, Colonel?”

“Sorry, sir” she smiled.

Seeing she was a bit better and less teary, Jack remembered that Daniel was still outside, so he informed his wife:

“Daniel was keeping me company while waiting for you. Do you want me to tell him to come in?”

“Sure”

“Ah, and I told him about the baby. I’m sorry but I felt I had to”

“It’s alright. We were going to tell them sooner or later, so…”

Jack got up and kissed her cheek, which tasted salty from the tears.

\---------------------------------

“Hey, Sam, how are you?” Daniel asked as he entered and sat next to Jack.

“I’m okay. It was just a scare” Sam said, trying to reassure herself with those words.

Just then, a nurse entered the room:

“There’s a call for you, General O’Neill. It’s from the Pentagon. You can pick it up in dr. Lam’s office to have some privacy”.

“Sure thing. Danny boy, you keep her entertained”.

“That’s my specialty” replied Daniel smiling, as Jack and the nurse exited the room.

“So, do you want to talk about how you feel, or do you want me to tell you about the latest discovery we made in relation to the Ori?” the archeologist asked Sam as soon as they were alone.

While before she would have answered the second option without a doubt, she felt rather tired to receive news about the upcoming Apocalypse. However, she didn’t really feel up for spilling her guts to her friend either, so she just tried a diversionary tactic:

“Tell me about you and Vala. How are things between you two?”

The question caught Daniel off-guard, but he understood the unsaid plea to drop the other two subjects.

“Oh, well, you know, she’s a bit of a pain in the ass, but we’re good. I like her.”

“You _like_ her?” Sam asked teasingly. “I’d say it’s more than that if you’ve been going out for more than five months already”. To Sam’s enjoyment, Daniel started blushing. “Have you two even talked about your relationship at all?”

She was actually finding a rare moment of pure enjoyment, for the first time in weeks. But, of course, no happiness lasted so long for her. Jack entered the room looking rather gloomy, and, before they could ask him what was wrong, he said:

“So that was the Pentagon, they want me back in D.C. as soon as possible”.

“How soon is ‘as soon as possible’?” Daniel asked, while Sam looked as sad as she’d been before her banter with her friend.

“Tomorrow”.

The words felt like a bomb for everyone involved in the conversation.

“Tomorrow?” Daniel asked, incredulously.

“Yep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Jack be able to keep an eye on Sam, miles apart?
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is watched over by Vala.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a flashback in this chapter, nothing graphic, but might be triggering.

“So this is your house” said Vala with delight as she looked around Sam’s neatly organized home. She was the first to be on what they jokingly referred to as “Carter-duty”. Since Jack would be occupied during the week, they decided it would be best for Sam to stay in Colorado with her friends watching over her. She would be beamed to D.C. during the weekend to be with Jack in his free time. Sam resented the fact that they wouldn’t let her be alone in her own house, but she wasn’t feeling like arguing her way to freedom. So there she was, just arrived at her house from the SGC infirmary with Vala, after having said goodbye to Jack.

“Yes. This is my house.” Sam said, rather tiredly.

“It’s a nice place you have here” the alien woman was blissfully happy to be trusted with Sam at her house.

“I suppose I do”. Sam was succinct, hoping Vala would stop talking—even though she knew the alien was not the quiet type.

“I wish I had such a nice place to call home”. There was a tinge of sadness in her words, which made Sam look at Vala in the face for the first time since leaving base. She didn’t know how to follow that comment, so she smiled softly.

“So” Vala continued, not needing any cue to do so. “What do you do for fun in this lovely house?”

“I don’t spend much time in here…” Sam admitted, “but I usually read a book or think about the technology that we gather off-world”.

The answer wasn’t satisfactory for Vala, who rolled her eyes.

“Oh, come on. There must be something else we can do. We can watch one of those movies Teal’c talks about, like _Star Wars_. I’ve heard it’s not too well documented, but I’d like to see it for myself”.

Sam kept quiet; she couldn’t think of something she would like to do less than re-watching _Star Wars_.

“Oh! I know! We could play that strategic game I’ve seen you play sometimes… chass? Chess? I always forget the name”.

“Chess.”

“That’s it. Although, like the movie, it is not very realistic, wouldn’t you say so? The pawns in a real battle would move much faster and many more squares than what they do in the game.”

“I guess”.

Vala didn’t lose momentum despite Sam’s lack of words.

“Maybe we could have a girls’ night with alcohol and gossip.”

“I can’t have alcohol with my medication.”

Rather than being dismayed by Sam’s constant objections, Vala continued:

“Ah, but you _can_ have gossip.”

“You are never going to stop until I agree to something, are you?”

“Persistence is my middle name, as people on Earth say.”

Sam smiled at Vala. She had come to like the alien, and she could appreciate her attempts at distracting her.

“I guess we could play chess” she finally conceded, hoping it would be a silent game.

“Great. You’ll see what an awesome strategist I am, Samantha”.

“I’m sure I will”.

The alien got up to retrieve the chess board, leaving Sam alone with her thoughts for a second. In the sudden silence, her mind started racing. A sound Vala made in the cupboard in the next room sent her spiraling down in a flashback.

She was no longer in her living room: she was in the cell and could hear and feel the pain of her torture.

“Bitch! You can’t fight us forever. You’ll break eventually. But in the meantime, breaking you will be fun”.

“No, not again!”

“Hey, Samantha” Vala’s voice didn’t really reach Sam.

“No, please, please, please” she was whimpering.

“I don’t care if you don’t tell me anything. That way I have an excuse to play with you”.

“Fuck you!” she was screaming and rocking back and forth in her sofa”.

“Samantha, you are safe. You are at your house. You are on Earth”.

“Bitch, do you like that? Oh, god, you’re so tight!”

“Noooo! Nooo!”

“Samantha, honey, look at me. It’s Vala. You are safe.” She hugged the blonde woman, who fought to detach herself from her desperately. But Vala didn’t falter and hugged her tightly. “Samantha, you are okay. This is Vala, you’re with me”.

The words sounded far away in Sam’s brain, but it was enough for her to realize that she was having a flashback. So, in the middle of her panic and pain, she remembered her psychiatrist’s words and tried to focus her five senses on her present.

“Oh, you’re such a good fuck!”

“No, I’m not there” Sam said, making Vala hopeful that her friend’s attack would be over soon.

“Breathe, Samantha. You’re safe at home with me”.

“You’re my favorite plaything”.

“No. No. I’m not there”. She tried to focus on her breathing, on the soft touch of Vala’s hug, on her peculiar scent.

“You’re not there, Samantha. You’re here with me”.

Sam opened her eyes and tried to see Vala’s blue eyes. The alien smiled and put her hands on her friend’s face to make her focus on her eyes.

“You’re with me, Samantha”.

Sam’s breathing calmed down and she repeated what Vala said:

“I’m with you. I’m safe”.

“Yes!” Vala smiled brightly.

“I…” Sam tried to explain herself as she felt a wave of embarrassment hit her. “I guess I had a flashback”.

“Yes, it would seem so. Was it something I did?”

Sam wanted to tell Vala that it wasn’t her fault, that it was just how messed up her mind was, but instead, she tried to explain:

“I think it was a sound you made while looking for the chess board—I think it reminded me of the beatings”.

“I’m so sorry, Samantha. I shall be more careful while moving around your house”.

“It wasn’t your fault, Vala”.

“I would argue that it was. But then we wouldn’t stop arguing, would we?”

Sam smiled.

“Now, would you like to play chess?”

“Yes, I would” Sam said, grateful that Vala wasn’t pressuring her to talk about what just happened.

\----------------------------------

They played for a while until Sam broke the silence:

“Thank you, Vala”

“For letting you win?” she asked teasingly. 

“For not making me explain what happened”.

“I figured when you were ready, you’d tell me. I’ve been where you are, Samantha, and I know that sometimes all you want to do is leave it behind… and taking about it just makes it real”.

Sam eyed the woman next to her, wondering if she was talking about the trauma she had endured while being a host, or if she was talking about something else entirely.

“I feel like every time I take a step forward, I take two backwards”.

“It won’t be like that forever.”

“That’s what everybody tells me. But I’m not so sure”.

“You don’t have to be sure right now. It will just happen in its own pace”.

“You know, it’s not really the torture that’s bothering me”. Sam suddenly surprised herself confessing.

“I know. I know how the Lucian Alliance works”.

“Oh” Sam understood that Vala knew more than she had let on. “I guess it was naïve to assume you wouldn’t know”.

“It wasn’t naïve, just hopeful” Vala said smiling.

“Could you not tell General O’Neill about the flashback?”

“I will not tell anybody”.

“It’s just… he’s worried about me and I don’t want to burden him further, especially being away”.

“I understand, Samantha. I will not tell him.” She winked an eye and added: “You know you can tell me anything, I’m very good at keeping secrets”

Sam smiled and wondered if she could trust Vala to confide her feelings.

“Everybody is just so worried about me, that I feel I have to get better fast, and I can’t keep up with what I want and what I’m doing”.

“You are right: everybody _is_ worried about you, but no one is expecting you to get better fast. We know it takes time”.

“I feel like I’m a constant failure, like I can’t seem to do what I’m supposed to do”.

“There’s no roadmap for this. You are not a failure, Samantha” Vala checked on Sam and decided she looked a bit tired, so she offered: “would you like some food? I can’t cook, but we can order something. I never get to eat much from restaurants… Daniel enjoys cooking”.

“Sounds good. You choose the restaurant”.

\----------------------------------------------------

As the two women ate Chinese food in silence, with _Star Wars_ playing in the background, Sam felt a bit calmer, the flashback from earlier fading in her mind.

“Vala…” Sam started, unsure if she could get to ask the thief the question that had been floating in her mind throughout the night.

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry, it was a bad question”.

“There’s no bad question. You can trust me.”

“It’s a very personal question, way out of line”.

“Come on, Samantha, just ask. If it’s too personal, I won’t answer” she winked an eye smiling.

“I wonder… how did you feel about your pregnancy? I mean, the Ori did it to you against your will… did you… did you love your baby, even if it was conceived that way? Do you love Adria now?”

Vala was taken aback from the questions. She really wasn’t expecting something quite so personal and painful, but she answered truthfully:

“Well, it’s complicated. In the nine months of my pregnancy I did love the baby growing inside me, despite the way it was conceived. I did love Adria when she was born, and when she was a kid, creepy as she was. Now… I don’t know if I love her. She’s bent down on destroying everything we hold dear— how can I love her like that? And yet… there are moments in which I do. She’s my flesh, or at least part of my flesh”.

“Thank you for your answer”.

“Sure” Vala eyed her suspiciously. “May I ask why _you_ asked?”

“I… uh… I was just curious” Sam lied; even though she had felt more intimately connected to Vala after that night, she couldn’t bear to tell her she was pregnant.

“Okay. Well, I hope it was a satisfactory answer”.

“It was” Sam answered with honesty.

“I’m glad” Vala smiled and Sam reciprocated.

\----------------------------------

They finished eating dinner in silence and played some more chess until Daniel came looking for Vala, accompanied by Cam, who was in charge of the nightshift of Carter-duty.

“Hey, Sam, ready to put up with me?” Cam asked Sam playfully as he settled on the sofa.

“I could ask you the same question” Sam answered, trying to replicate his playfulness.

“I’m always ready” he smiled, “do you want to go to sleep, or do you want to play some videogames? I’ve brought my Xbox”.

“I guess videogames sound well, although my hands are a bit tender from playing chess” she said, lifting her bandaged hands, which were still healing.

“Well, let’s try, and if you get tired, you can watch me lose”.

“Okay, but first let me call Jack. He might get worried if I don’t”.

“Sure thing”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> I always felt the TV show could have gone deeper into the friendship between Sam and Vala, so this is my fix-it of sorts.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack and Sam reunite after being apart for a week.

Jack waited impatiently for Sam to be beamed into his living room. The week apart had been long and tedious; his time mostly spent worrying about Sam between—and during, if he was honest to himself—countless meetings. The best, but also the most anxious moments of his days were the nightly calls to Sam. She didn’t really tell him much, not anything he wouldn’t be notified about by whoever had been babysitting her—but hearing her voice soothed him like nothing else did. Knowing she was alive and safe was good enough for him, even though there was nothing he’d love to do more than be with her.

And now, as he paced anxiously in his small living room, he could almost feel the soft touch of her body, he could almost smell her sweet scent, he could almost see the deep blue eyes which were like a sea for him to get lost in. Granted, he hadn’t touched her much since her rescue, and these days she smelled more like the ointments for her bruises, and maybe the light of her eyes had been dimmed a little… He shook his head to stop that line of thought. Battered as she might be, she was still his Sam—deep down inside, the funny, intelligent woman he loved was still there.

He just wished he could help her recover her old self. He felt he hadn’t been able to reach to her yet. They had never been too talkative about their feelings, but he had the sensation that he was drifting apart from Sam. He knew she was hurting; he knew she was scared from her pregnancy—and yet, he didn’t have a clue of what to say to her to make her feel better. Hell, he didn’t even dare to hold her, which was his first instinct every time he saw her.

_Seeing her_. That was something that heightened his anxiety. Would she look even more exhausted than when he was with her? Would her bruises have faded? Would her pregnancy have started to show? Nah, he knew it was too early for her to start showing; after all, she was only two months pregnant.

Suddenly, a thought occurred to him: would the Asgards’ beaming technology be detrimental for the baby? Maybe he should have been the one beamed to Colorado instead of her. The justification of being close to the Pentagon was stupid, he realized, for he perfectly could have been beamed to D.C. in case of an emergency… and now, he was risking Sam’s well-being because he hadn’t thought things through. But surely the Asgards must have considered beaming pregnant women, right? At least when they procreated in more primitive ways than cloning? He shook his head again; he had to stop his racing mind.

He took a look around his small apartment and felt even guiltier of making Sam come to him. He never bothered with making the place anything more than a place to crash in for a few hours before going back to work. He now regretted the scarce decoration that exuded an impersonal vibe.

It wasn’t as if Sam’s house was much more decorated, but at least she had a few items she had inherited from her father, and several photos of her youth, of her friends and family. He only had two pictures, and they were in his bedroom: a picture of SG-1, dressed in BDUs, ready to step through the gate; and a picture from his wedding with Sam. That was his favorite picture ever: Sam was looking at him in the eyes, with the brightest smile he had ever seen. The pure love that those eyes transmitted had accompanied him in his lonely nights. He thought for a minute and placed the picture in the living room, hoping it would lighten up the room and his mood.

Just as he placed the photo, Sam appeared in front of him. Even though he had been preparing for her arrival the whole afternoon, it still startled him, and he jumped back a little.

“Hey, sorry I scared you” Sam said, looking at him with concern.

“I’ll just never get used to beaming technology” he tried to give her a smile but couldn’t help and eyed her from head to toe, to assess her physical state. Her bruises had almost faded completely and the scars on her face looked better, almost healed. Indeed, there weren’t many physical reminders of the state she was found. Her hands were still bandaged, and he suspected her ribs might still be, but other than that, the few visible scars were all that remained. Of course, he hadn’t really seen what her clothes covered, so he couldn’t completely know the full extent of her injuries. What he could see, however, was that she was pale and had huge eyebags that spoke volumes about her countless sleepless nights.

Jack doubted for a second about what to do. Inside, he was fighting the urge to hug her and kiss her. He didn’t really know how she would react, so he just stood there, in front of her.

“I… are you going to just stand there?” Sam asked.

“No, of course. I didn’t know if I would startle you” he said, taking a step closer to her. Sam flinched a little because of the proximity, which broke his heart, while she admonished herself for reacting that way.

“May I hug you?” Jack asked gently.

“Yes” Sam smiled and took in a breath, preparing herself for the contact. She truly appreciated his concern and how much he cared to make her feel comfortable.

Jack noticed how Sam was preparing herself and doubted for a second.

“It’s not the first time you hug me since the rescue, Jack”.

“I know, but it’s the first time I hug you without you being… you know, in the middle of a flashback or crying, or…”

“Jack. Stop thinking. I’ve missed you. I want you to hug me. I’m just getting ready in case…”

“In case?”

“In case the contact makes me get a flashback. They never hugged me, of course” she laughed bitterly, “but, you know, it might send me to a bad place”.

“I see you’ve been making progress with dr. Sanders”.

“She is quite good. I’ve had two sessions this week. I’m trying to get those triggers down”.

“Have you identified some?” Jack asked, happy that she was sharing her struggles to get better.

“A couple. But, please, Jack, hug me.”

He closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms gently around her. Sam flinched at his touch but controlled her breathing and let Jack embrace her.

“I missed you”.

“I missed you too”.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, both quite content that they could enjoy the closeness of their touch. Sam sank her head in the crook of his neck and felt a little proud of being able to share a bit of intimacy with her husband, even if it was such a small gesture.

“Hey, I was thinking…” Jack started and was interrupted.

“You? Think?” Sam said, teasingly, which made Jack’s heart flutter at seeing her making jokes.

“I’ll let you know, Colonel, I am quite a learned man” he answered, smiling. “I was _thinking_ ” he emphasized that word, “that, maybe, if you are feeling up for it we could, maybe, go out for dinner to a nice restaurant I know downtown… maybe?”

Sam stiffened in Jack’s embrace when she heard his proposal. She didn’t really know if she was ready to be in a public place. Since her rescue, she had only had contact with her teammates, and both doctors. She didn’t know if she would have a flashback, and she really didn’t want to risk going to a public place.

“Hey, Sam, it was a stupid idea. I just wanted to do something nice, but I didn’t really think it through”.

“It was a nice idea, Jack. I just don’t think I’m ready to go to a public place yet”.

“I’m sorry, it was really stupid of me to suggest it”.

“No, it wasn’t. But I’d really like to pass this time if you don’t mind”.

“Of course, no problem. So… I don’t really have any food here… what do you want to order?”

\---------------------------------------

When they finished eating dinner, they both looked at each other in silence. Sam edged closer to Jack in the sofa they were sharing. Jack smiled nervously; he felt like a teenager again, unsure of how to approach the woman he loved.

Suddenly, she leaned into him and kissed him in the mouth. Jack was so surprised by her action that he pulled back and said:

“Sam, are you sure you want to do this?”

Sam looked at him, desperation in her eyes:

“Yes. I haven’t even let you touch me since I came back. I want to.”

“You’re sure? Because you don’t need to worry about me…”

“I’m sure” she said and kissed him fiercely with her tongue. Jack acquiesced and reciprocated, using his tongue as well. He controlled himself to leave his hands inert, but as the kiss grew deeper, he couldn’t help but put his hands in her back, making circles softly, caressing it with care.

However, Sam wasn’t expecting that touch, and she whimpered and stopped dead in her tracks. She muffled a cry with her tongue still tied to Jack’s and she separated her face, a couple of tears streaming down her face.

“I’m sorry” she said, sounding defeated.

“Hey, Sam, look at me: there’s nothing to be sorry for” Jack said softy. “Plus, it was my fault to begin with. I shouldn’t have touched you without warning.”

“But Jack, you just got a little carried away, that’s normal. What’s not normal is that I can’t let you touch me”.

“Look, Carter, I waited eight years to touch you. I can wait several weeks, or months. What’s not normal is going back to normal as if nothing had happened to you”.

“I’m really trying to get back to normal”.

“I know you are, and I’m damn proud of you”.

Sam laughed, biting her lips as she wiped her tears from her face.

“Why don’t we call it a night, huh?” Jack asked, taking her by the hand. “Tomorrow will be another day”.

“Yes, sir” she smiled and followed him to the bedroom, “Tomorrow will be another day”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :) 
> 
> Tomorrow will be another day for these two...


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam discovers several things about how she feels with dr. Sanders; she confesses her secret to Landry and finally gets to be with Jack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a longer chapter. Rather than splitting it into two, I decided to keep it as is.  
> It does have a small scene of torture towards the end, a bit graphic, so it might be triggering.

“I just can’t seem to let him touch me” Sam said exasperated, averting her eyes from the doctor in front of her.

“You mean General O’Neill?” Dr. Sanders asked, a bit surprised at the honesty of Sam’s answer. She had been avoiding giving concrete information about her feelings and her relations with her friends the whole session, so the admission took her off-guard.

“Yes.”

“Regaining intimacy after a sexual assault, and in this case, a continued sexual assault is one of the hardest things to do” Julia explained, looking at her sympathetically.

“He’s coming home today” Sam said as a justification for her earlier outburst of sincerity. “And I’m nervous” she winced, before continuing, “We haven’t… I haven’t let him _touch_ me since I came back. We tried these past couple of weekends when I visited him in D.C., but…”

“Why do you think you haven’t been able to allow him to touch you?”

“I… I don’t know. I _want_ him to”.

“Do you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sam asked, offended by the implications of the question.

“Look, Sam, sexual assault is never about _sex_ , it’s about power. Now, you may think they robbed you of your intimacy, but love, and intimacy—those are things nobody can take from you. So, the only thing keeping you from General O’Neill… is you.”

Sam stayed quiet, considering what the psychiatrist had just told her.

“I’m not saying it is your fault, Sam” Julia clarified. “I just want you to consider whether you _really_ want to have sex with your husband, or whether you are forcing yourself to want it”

“I’m scared”.

“About what, Sam?”

“I’m scared he will get tired of waiting for me”.

“From what he told me, and what you’ve also clarified, you two waited for a long time to be together. What makes you think he will not wait for you anymore?”

“I don’t know, I just have this voice in my head telling me he will leave me”.

“Sam, that voice is just insecurity. It’s what’s forcing you to try and have sex when you are not ready. But let’s think about this coldly, logically: Jack has tried to be with you ever since you came back. He managed to convince the Joint Chiefs to get back to Colorado to be with you, instead of having to wait for the weekends. He accepted to be the father of your child, even though it’s not his. He’s been coming to therapy when possible to be able to better help you recover. Honey, he’s not going anywhere”.

“I guess you are right”.

“I _am_ right”. Julia smiled confidently. “So, apart from anxious at seeing Jack again, how are you feeling?”

“Anxious about other things as well” Sam huffed.

“What other things?”

“I’m almost three months pregnant”.

“The pregnancy makes you anxious?”

“Not only the pregnancy, but the _telling_. Jack and I decided to tell everybody when I was three months along”.

“And you are anxious about what your friends might say?” the doctor completed.

“Among other things. I also have to officially tell General Landry and it’s making me nervous”.

“All your friends will react favorably, you’ll see. Again, it’s your insecurity speaking. And I’m guessing General Landry already knows about your pregnancy from the medical records, right? So you’ll only be confirming something he already knows”.

“I guess… but it’ll be the first time I see the General since I was recovered. He came to see me right before my first medical exam, but I haven’t seen him since. If it were General Hammond, I’d know how he’d react, but General Landry…”

“From what I hear, General Landry is a fine officer”.

“Yes. I guess I just miss General Hammond”.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

“Come in” General Landry’s voice was firm from inside his office. The tone changed immediately when he saw Samantha Carter entering and standing in attention. “Colonel Carter, at ease” he smiled, “How are you? What can I do for you? Please, take a seat.”

“I’m fine, sir” Sam said, sitting down. She was nervous because of the consequences her news might have for her career, so she tried to steady her breathing while she found the appropriate words. Landry waited for a second, and seeing the colonel wasn’t speaking, he asked again:

“What is the reason for your visit, Colonel? Not that I’m not glad to see you” he smiled again, trying to make his lieutenant colonel relax a little.

“Sir, I have some news I need to inform you about”.

“Go ahead, Colonel” Landry already suspected what the news might be about, but he politely waited for her to break them to him.

“I… I’m not sure if you are already aware, but I…” Sam took a breath and forced herself to keep on, “I am pregnant, sir. And I’m keeping the baby, sir”.

Landry smiled warmly and walked across the table to hug Sam.

“Well, Colonel, congratulations are in order, then”.

Sam breathed out, relieved at her General’s reaction:

“Thank you, sir” she smiled, but then turned serious again: “I’m guessing this complicates my position at SG-1”

Oh, so that was what was worrying his lieutenant colonel. Of course, she would be thinking about her team rather than herself.

“Not at all, Colonel. You are on medical leave until you recover. This includes maternity leave as well. Your position will be waiting for you when you are ready to return”.

“But, sir, with all due respect, it might be too long for SG-1 to be without a replacement… I would understand if you decided to reassign me.”

“Nonsense, Colonel. SG-1 functioned with four members for years. There is no need to replace you. Now, if you _do_ want to be reassigned when you come back, we can consider it. For the moment, however, I would worry about getting better from the capture and being ready to welcome the little one into the world”, Landry smiled, before adding, “I hear you are making progress with Dr. Sanders, so when she clears you for active duty, if you haven’t had the baby by then, we can consider assigning you to the science department before the baby comes. But again, I wouldn’t worry about that, Colonel”.

Sam exhaled a shaky breath, relieved by the positive reaction coming from the General. She tried to contain her emotion when she said:

“Thank you, sir”.

“You are one of the SGCs greatest assets, Colonel Carter. I wouldn’t like to make things harder than they may already be”.

“Thank you, sir” Sam was still feeling overwhelmed by emotion, which she blamed on the pregnancy hormones.

“Is that all, Colonel?”

“Yes, sir”.

“Well, then, you are dismissed”.

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir” Sam smiled

“Anytime, Colonel.” Landry said, “Oh, and Sam” he added, making Sam turn back before leaving.

“Yes, sir?”

“Give Jack my congratulations when you see him”.

Sam smiled, inwardly thinking of the implications of congratulating Jack for something that was so hard to accept. However, she considered that, since they were going to tell everybody the baby was his, she might as well get used to the congratulations she didn’t really feel they deserved.

“I will, sir” She said, smiling as sincerely as possible, and left his office.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Sam sat in her sofa, waiting for Jack to finally be beamed to her on a more permanent basis. It had taken him a couple of weeks to convince the JCS to allow him to be in Colorado for the time being, with the provision that he would be immediately beamed to D.C. if his presence was needed, no questions asked. It wasn’t ideal, for he could be summoned any time, day or night, without proper warning, but at least it was a way for them to be together without having to wait until the weekends.

She was happy to be with him more often, but she was also anxious. A call every night made it easy enough for her to mask how she was feeling, to skip details about flashbacks, nightmares, and sleepless nights. Having him with her complicated faking how she really felt. It also added to her stress about being intimate with him.

Sam thought about what the doctor had told her. It was true, she admitted to herself, that maybe she wasn’t ready to have sex and was forcing herself into being so. But if she didn’t have sex with him now, and the baby came… who knew when she would open up to him enough to do so? They still had time but… would he want her even more pregnant than she was at the moment? Ugh… why was life so complicated?

She was wondering that when Jack materialized in front of her.

“Carter, I hope I didn’t startle you” his smile told her of the relief he felt to be with her again.

“Just a little, but that’s okay” she tried a small smile.

“Are you alone?”

“Yup”

“I thought we agreed you wouldn’t be…” his tone was not angry, but his voice showcased some concern about it.

“Cameron was with me until not too long ago. I didn’t want to keep him until late”.

“Sam… you know they don’t mind… and I’d be much calmer knowing you weren’t alone…”

“Well, that won’t happen now that you’re here for good” she countered.

“You know that the fine print says I won’t be… but, yeah, I guess I’ll be calmer now” he still had a smile on his face. “So, how was your day?”

“It was okay” she said, succinctly.

“Care to elaborate?” he asked, sitting on the couch next to her.

“I had a session with dr. Sanders, and I told Landry about the pregnancy”.

“Oh, wow. How did it go?”

“The session or Landry?”

“Both”.

“The session was fine. Landry was fine too. He told me he’d keep my spot at SG-1. He also told me to congratulate you”.

“Ah”. Jack knew how much that made Sam uncomfortable. Sure, he didn’t like to dwell on the paternity of the baby either, but he knew it hurt Sam like a knife.

“I guess we’ll have to get used to people congratulating the both of us” Sam said, resigned.

“Yep, I guess. When do you want to tell the gang?”

“I’m not sure. What do you think? I want you to be there with me. I _need_ you to be there”.

“Of course. How about we organize a team night, and we tell them?”

“That sounds like a plan” Sam smiled.

“Tomorrow?”

“Okay”.

“Cool. I’ll call Mitchell so that he can inform the rest of SG-1. Why don’t you order some food in the meantime?”

“I was thinking maybe we could cook something?” Jack looked at Sam as if she had said something crazy, so she continued, “It would be healthier, and Daniel bought some vegetables…”

“Okay, so why don’t you start cooking something? Do you think you’re up for it?”

“I’m not an invalid, you know?” Sam answered a bit hurt.

“I’m sorry, Carter. Be careful, though”.

Jack picked up his phone and called Cameron, while Sam started slicing some veggies with her knife. As she cut the food, a glimmer on her knife was all she needed to be back in her prison.

She could feel the knife with which one of her torturers entertained himself. He was slowly pressing the knife on her face, taking his time looking at her failing to contain her whimpers. The blood that was wetting her face felt hot as it slid down. The man smiled as he licked the knife and continued digging it on her flesh, slowly but surely torturing her into oblivion.

Jack had his back towards Sam when he heard the knife she was holding hit the floor.

“Hey Mitchell, I’ll call you later with the details… gotta go, bye”

He hung up and quickly went to the kitchen, to find Sam’s hand, which had just been unbandaged the day before, full of blood. The owner of the bloodied hand was curled up in a ball on the floor, touching the scars on her face, completely immersed in a flashback.

Already, and unfortunately, quite familiar with what to do, he hugged her, while moving away the knife, and whispered in her ear:

“You’re here with me, Sam. Focus on my voice, on my touch. You’re not there”.

This time, maybe because of her previous experiences with flashbacks, or maybe because she _was_ actually making progress with dr. Sanders, the flashback didn’t last too long.

“I’m here, I’m here”.

“Yes, you are here, Sam” Jack was happy that she was back so soon. “Let me see your hand”

“My hand? Oh.” She looked at the bloodied hand but couldn’t remember how she cut it.

“Let me check it and bandage it… unless you want to go to the infirmary of the SGC?”

“No, please, have a look”.

\---------------------------------------------------------

“And that’s it” Jack said, satisfactorily looking at Sam’s neatly bandaged hand.

“It didn’t take too long for it to be bandaged again…” Sam said sadly.

“Don’t think about it, Carter. On the bright side, now we know I will be the one cooking from now on. So be ready for burnt steaks and whatnot”

Sam laughed a little, but became somber when she added: “I’m getting tired of all these flashbacks”

“You know, it gets better”

“I know… I guess knives go to the list of triggers…”

“Yup. Why don’t you sit there and see your awesome husband cook?”

“Sounds like a plan” she sat at the table in the kitchen while he started to cook. “I talked to dr. Sanders about us today” she confessed.

“Oh. What did you tell her?”

“That I’m not letting you touch me”. Jack stopped what he was doing, surprised by her admission.

“And what did she say?” he genuinely wanted to know what the doctor thought about it.

“That I might be forcing myself to want it”

“Do you agree?”

“I think there might be some truth to it”

“Aha”

“So I was thinking that maybe we could go little by little”.

“Sure. That’s what I’ve been telling you.”

“I haven’t even let you look at me naked. I think we could start there”.

Jack almost chocked on his own saliva when Sam said those words. He had wanted to see her naked since she was rescued—not because of lewd intentions, but rather to see the extent of her injuries. He knew two months had passed already, but he still wanted to see. See if there were any new scars, see if they had marred her body as much as he suspected.

“I think we could” he managed to say.

“After dinner?”

“After dinner”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Join me in the next chapter, where things might start to get intimate.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Jack share the first really intimate moment since her rescue.

The lights in the bedroom were dim, enveloping both Sam and Jack in a game of lights and shadows. Both were feeling rather nervous, as if it was the first time they saw each other naked. The tension was palpable between them, and even though they knew nothing sexual was going to happen, the mere fact that Sam had offered to share such a moment of intimacy with him had them both rather anxious.

“We don’t have to do this, Sam” Jack offered, trying to ease the feelings of nervousness they both could sense.

“I know, but I want to. At least, I _want_ to want to.” She looked at him in the eyes. “I want to be able to _be_ with you. To be who we were. I want you to look at me the way you did _before_. So, let’s do this”.

“Okay. But there’s no pressure”.

“Okay”.

Sam looked at Jack in the eyes as she slowly lifted her top over her head. In the dim light, her white skin had a warmer tone than what Jack expected. Still with her bra on, his gaze dropped to her stomach, which was still flat —or maybe a small bump was forming? He couldn’t really tell in the semi-darkness they were enveloped in. There were a couple of scars that went down and hid under her pants, which made Jack’s stomach turn a little.

“Okay” Sam said in a hushed tone, steading her breathing and unbuttoning her pants. Jack observed in silence, trying to steel his emotions, making his expression as neutral as possible.

Sam let her pants slide down her legs and looked at the piece of clothing on the floor. Jack’s breath caught in his throat as he observed her legs. He hadn’t seen the extent of her wounds there, for she had always adamantly insisted on getting dressed on her own, no matter how long it took her. Her thighs were completely covered by crisscrossing scars which went all the way up into places Jack tried really hard not to think about. He tried to ignore the wave of nausea that washed over him, although he didn’t really think he pulled it off. In the dimly lit room, he thought his face might look green.

“I know” Sam said, signaling she could read what he was thinking. “Shall I continue?”

“If you feel like it, sure” Jack tried to smile reassuringly.

“Okay” she nodded but turned around to undo her bra. She shivered slightly when she took it off completely. Jack was expecting to see the scars on her back, so he wasn’t caught by surprise when the light revealed the welts on her back. They were almost completely healed, but he could clearly distinguish the different instruments of torture that had been used on her.

As Sam took off her panties, Jack mused that it was no wonder she hadn’t wanted to show him her naked body before. They both had scars from countless torture sessions, but the sheer quantity of _new_ scars spoke volumes of the horrors she had endured during her stay with the Lucian Alliance.

When she turned, Jack couldn’t help but look at her breasts. She had some stitches on a wound that apparently hadn’t healed completely and the other breast had what seemed like the scar of a vicious bite.

Sam was trembling as she stood in front of him completely naked. She suddenly regretted the whole idea, feeling utterly exposed. Jack sensed her uneasiness and couldn’t help but also feel like the whole thing had not been for the best.

“So this is it” Sam said, with a finality that somehow undermined the intimacy of the gesture.

Jack was at a loss for words, really scared of saying something that might be misinterpreted by Sam. He really wanted to say the right thing to her, and he was awful at words…

“I understand, Jack” she said with sadness in her voice, while she wrapped her arms around her protectively.

“You understand what?” Jack asked, puzzled.

“That you don’t want me anymore. I mean, I wouldn’t either, with all these scars…”

“What?” Jack came out of his astonishment, “No, no, no. Sam, that’s not it. I just didn’t know what to say. God, I’m awful at this…” he looked at her in the eyes, “I want all of you. I’ve always had. I always will. No matter how many new scars you have”.

Sam was still trembling and didn’t quite believe his words.

“How can you love this?” she waived at her body “These scars are going to stay there forever… how can you love _this_?” she touched her belly with her hands.

“Because, Sam, it’s you. I love _all_ of you. No matter what” Jack wanted to touch her but restrained himself and acknowledged how much he knew it cost her to open herself to him in such a way. “Thank you for doing this, Sam. It must have been hard for you”.

“I want to be able to feel at ease around you, Jack. I want to be able to do this without trembling. I want to stop hating what they did to my body”.

“I love you, Sam. God, you are beautiful”.

“Do you really think so, or are you saying it just because you have to?”

“Sam, every scar is a sign of endurance. They are a reminder that you are alive, that you are strong, that you resisted. And that makes them beautiful in my eyes” He could see Sam’s eyes starting to brim with tears, so he held his hands and said: “Come on, I’ll help you get into your PJs”.

“Do you mean that?”

“Getting you into your PJs? Of course, Carter! I’ll help you with anything of the sort” he smiled.

“I meant about the scars being beautiful” she rolled her eyes, feeling some of the tension going away.

“Of course I meant it” Jack said in a more serious tone. “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I love you, Sam”.

The woman accepted his hand and he helped her get dressed. For the first time since she’d come back, they both felt a little bit more connected. Jack considered the fact that she allowed him help her get dressed as something even more intimate than if they had actually done something else taking advantage of her state of undress. It was a simple enough moment between them, a silent communication of unspoken desires.

The touch of Jack’s hands was gentle, carefully putting the pieces of clothing in her body. He hoped he wouldn’t trigger any flashbacks while helping her get dressed. He was trying to avoid touching her in the more sensitive spots, and he hoped that his caresses while he helped her get dressed were different enough from the horrible treatment she had received, not to trigger her.

Sam was overwhelmed by their intimate moment. She could feel the unrelenting love that Jack had for her. As he got her dressed, Sam never took off her eyes from him. For the first time in what felt like years, she let him touch her without flinching. When she realized about it, with her emotions running high, she started silently crying—but for the longest time, they were tears of happiness.

“Hey, Sam, are you okay?” Jack asked worriedly when he sensed her emotional state.

“Yes, I’m fine, Jack” she smiled sincerely. “This wasn’t such a bad idea, after all” she laughed through her tears.

“You are a genius, of course it was a good idea” He smiled happily, wiping off a couple of tears streaming down Sam’s face.

“I’m such a mess of emotions” she smiled.

“Well, you can blame it on the hormones”. Sam stiffened at those words, suddenly uncomfortable, thinking of topics she didn’t want to discuss—not right after having shared the first moment of _real_ intimacy with her husband.

“I suppose I can” she answered, but the contrast between the dryness of her tone now and the emotiveness of her words before was not lost on Jack.

“God, Sam, I’m sorry. That was tactless of me” Jack tried to apologize.

“It’s just that I don’t really want to think about the pregnancy right now… nor the capture, for that matter. I was happy that I was able to let you look at me, that we could have that moment together…”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m awful at this” Jack exhaled defeated. “I’m damn proud of you, Sam” he tried.

“I hope there’ll be a day in which I’ll let you see me naked without it being such a big deal” Sam said, sadly.

“There will. This is a long process, Sam. Tonight was good. It was the first step.”

“Tonight was good” Sam repeated, as if trying to convince herself.

Jack hesitated for a minute and then went into the bathroom to get changed into his PJs. When he came back to the bedroom, she was in bed, a book on her lap, but her eyes were focused on the wall, her mind clearly in another place. He got into bed silently, ever so careful so as not to touch her. This was almost a routine; it definitely would be by then if they had spent less time apart.

“When are we having the team night tomorrow? You never told me”.

“Oh, shit! I have to call Mitchell back… we didn’t get into specifics when I heard you in the kitchen”.

“I’m sorry about that…”

“Nonsense, Carter” the use of her last name reminded her of the years as his 2IC and told her that she should stop apologizing. “I guess I’ll have to call him to decide on a time… Unless…”

“Unless?” Sam asked, turning her face to him.

“Today was very stressful. You had your therapy session and then Landry, and then… the flashback, and now… I guess everything you did today pushed many of your buttons. I’m actually surprised you’re still awake. I’d be completely wrecked if I were you…”

“I am. I just don’t want to go to sleep” she didn’t have to verbalize the reason why she wanted to stay awake; he completely understood.

“I’m just saying, Sam, that maybe telling everybody of the pregnancy might be too much stress for you, especially after all the stress you had today. I’m worried about you and the baby…”

“I know, Jack” She pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers. “Today has been a long day, but also an important one. I get the feeling I’ve taken many steps towards my recovery today. And tomorrow… I want to continue taking steps. I want to tell them. I want them to know and get it over with. So let’s have a team night tomorrow”.

“Okay”. As Jack got up to call Mitchell, he conceded that she was right: even if nothing sexual had happened, even if tonight she’d most likely have a nightmare, even if he still had to be careful when touching her… today she had made progress. Tangible progress. And that filled him with hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> This was a more hopeful chapter. But, as you know, recovery is a long process. 
> 
> Will Sam gather the strength to tell her team of her pregnancy? Join me on the next chapter :P


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam, Jack and SG1 gather for a team night.

Jack watched in silence as Sam moved frantically, albeit limping a little, across the living room, preparing the place for the team night. This was the first one they organized at her place, and Jack was wise enough not to intervene. Truth was that Sam’s house was already immaculate, but Jack knew she needed to have a feeling of control. So, he just sat and observed.

He could tell she was anxious and exhausted, running on caffeine and nerves. They had not slept more than two hours, Sam’s nightmares too vivid to ignore by either of them. The horrible night they had gone through was a stark reminder for Jack that no matter the progress she had achieved the last few days, they were still far from being over the capture.

“Oh, no!” Sam looked at him as if she’d realized of something horrible.

For a few seconds, a wave of worry washed through him as he asked:

“What’s wrong?”

“We don’t have any ice!”

Jack couldn’t help the small smiled that tugged his face when he heard those words.

“Sam, Daniel is bringing the ice. Come ‘ere” he extended his arms offering a hug, but she ignored his offer.

“There are still many things to prepare” she explained as a justification for not getting into his embrace. Jack could tell that it was more a question of not wanting to risk being startled by his touch than needing to continue preparing the already-perfect house for the party.

“Sure” Jack simply said, knowing that trying to convince Sam to stop with the preparations would be futile.

He checked his watch: it was still too early, and, knowing his friends, none of them would arrive early. Maybe Teal’c, although he supposed he’d come with Mitchell in order not to arrive alone, and the lieutenant colonel always came just in time, not a minute early, nor a minute late. Jack also knew that Vala would delay Daniel. So this meant there was still plenty of time for Sam to drive herself (and him) insane. He took a deep breath and observed his nerve-riddled wife in silence.

\-------------------------------------------

The doorbell rang exactly at six thirty, so Jack knew it had to be Mitchell. Sam looked at him with a worried expression, as if she were rethinking the whole team night idea.

“It’s a bit late for us to backtrack, Sam” Jack said, trying to sound amused.

“I know. I know. It’s stupid…” Sam didn’t catch the joking tone and felt more like he was holding her doubts against her. “It’s stupid. I’ve been mentally preparing for this the whole day and now look at me. I’m a mess.”

“Hey, Sam, look at me” he waited until she did so, “I was just kidding about backtracking… if you want to call it off, we can. It’s your team night, your call”.

Sam took a deep breath to find some resolve left in her and said:

“Let’s do it”.

“Good” Jack smiled, as he went to open the door.

Just as he imagined, both Cameron and Teal’c were waiting outside, each with food and beer to share.

“Mitchell, Teal’c, come in”

“Thank you, O’Neill. We were beginning to worry” Teal’c said, arching a brow.

“Oh, yeah, sorry about the wait, I had some things to check before I was able to open the door” He looked back to see Sam standing behind him, a few feet apart. “Well, don’t wait anymore, get settled while I put these beers in the fridge”.

Jack took the beverages, while Cam and Teal’c sat down on the couch. Sam was still standing where Jack had left her, fidgeting anxiously with her fingers.

“Hey, Sam. It’s good to see you” Cameron smiled at her.

“We are indeed pleased to be able to spend this night with you, Colonel Carter” Teal’c said, bowing his head slightly.

Sam smiled as she sat down in an armchair in front of them.

“Thanks for coming guys”.

“How are you doing, Sam?” Cameron asked. _Oh, great, the interrogation didn’t last a minute to start_ , Sam thought as she tried to smile.

“I’m fine” she said, unconvincingly, which made Teal’c raise an eyebrow. “I am” she insisted, but Teal’c raised his eyebrow even more. “Okay, I’m not _fine_ fine” she amended “but I’m getting there”. This seemed to satisfy both men, who smiled slightly.

“Here you go” Jack handed a beer to Cameron and Teal’c as he came back and sat next to Sam.

“Thanks, General” Cam said.

“Come on, Mitchell, we are on a team night! Call me Jack!” he exclaimed, amused by how hard it was for both Cameron and Sam to drop the formalities.

“I don’t think I can, sir” Cameron smiled shyly.

“Suit yourself” Jack took a sip of his beer and relaxed his stance on the armchair. “So, how have you been? What’s new at Stargate Command?”

Sam knew that Jack was aware of pretty much everything that was going on at the SGC, but this was his way of diverting attention from her, so she smiled at him, silently thanking him with her eyes. Jack nodded slightly, acknowledging that he understood her silent message.

Cameron started detailing all the failed attempts of the SGC at stopping the Ori and, while any other time Sam would have listened attentively, trying to come up with new solutions, the truth was she was not really interested. If she was honest with herself, her disinterest worried her a little. But, she told herself, it wasn’t that she _didn’t_ care about the fate of the galaxy, it was that her life was turned so upside down, so shattered, that piecing it together was all that mattered for her at the moment.

Sam just sat quietly, thinking about how to break the news of the pregnancy, while Cam and Teal’c told Jack things he already knew. She had zoned out completely, so she didn’t really know how much time had passed when the doorbell rang again.

As Jack rose up to open the door, all eyes fell on Sam, as if waiting for her to weigh in the topic at hand. She suddenly realized she had no idea of what to say. Her eyes widened a little and a tinge of red colored her cheeks.

Daniel and Vala came in, saving her from further embarrassment. Both Teal’c and Cameron had noticed how out of it she was but didn’t comment anything as the whole team finally gathered around the coffee table.

“Hey, Sam, how are you doing?” Daniel asked, echoing the exact same question Cameron had asked her.

“I’m okay” she nuanced her answer, and got up to grab a drink, “I’m going to get something to drink, do you guys want anything?” She really didn’t want anything, but there was this primal urge inside her to flee from the living room.

“Um… beer will be fine” Daniel answered.

“Yes, beer, please” Vala said happily.

Sam got up and went to the kitchen, leaving everybody with Jack.

“How is she doing, Jack? Really” Daniel insisted, looking at Jack with concern.

“Oh, you know. Coping” Jack shrugged. “Trying to, at least” Nobody seemed to really believe him, so he said defensively: “You should know that I told her to cancel the team night and she insisted on having it”

“You told her to cancel team night?” Daniel asked, accusingly.

“That’s not the point. The point is, she wanted to go through with this, so let’s try not to make this any more awkward than it already is”

“What is?” Sam asked, entering the living room with two beers and some juice.

“Nothing. Let’s enjoy the night” Jack said, cringing at his words.

They all sat in precisely the awkward silence that Jack wanted desperately to avoid. Vala, however, soon decided to take it upon her to entertain the guests.

“So Daniel wanted to bring some wine, but I thought it would be stupid, because none of us really enjoy drinking it… Look, Sam is not even drinking alcohol!” There it was: all the eyes back on her again, noting the clear difference in her choice of drink. She had hoped to avoid the conversation for a bit longer, but she guessed that if she lied about why she didn’t have alcohol now, returning to the topic of the pregnancy might be trickier.

“No, I’m not” She said, taking a breath to steady her voice, that was already a bit shaky. “And that is in part the reason why we wanted to have this team night”

They were all looking at her in silence, respecting her need to collect her thoughts. Daniel already knew what the whole thing was about—he even knew the ugly truth that Sam was not going to confess to her team. Vala suspected, especially after she questioned her about Adria. But, as far as Sam could tell, neither Cameron nor Teal’c had even an inkling of suspicion.

Sam always prided herself in tackling a problem head on, so she decided to cut to the chase.

“I am pregnant”.

Congratulatory words flew as the teammates hugged both Jack and Sam. The latter tried really hard to seem happy about the news, rather than completely scared, which was mostly how she felt about it.

“You’re going to be awesome parents. I’m so happy for you guys” Cameron said, ecstatic.

“I am really pleased by your news, Samantha Carter” Teal’c said.

Vala took the longest to detach herself from the hug.

“I knew it the minute you asked me about my pregnancy.” Sam smiled softly. “And I haven’t pried, nor told anyone about my suspicions. You must be proud of me” Vala was immensely proud of herself.

“I am, Vala” Sam smiled.

Everybody was so happy about the whole thing, that Sam felt completely overwhelmed. These friends were her family, and they were all so accepting and purely delighted that she couldn’t help the tears falling from her eyes.

Jack hugged her when he saw her like that and whispered in her ear: “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I just need a minute to compose myself”

“Okay, let’s get you to the kitchen”:

\-----------------------------------------------------

The rest of the evening went fairly well, for everybody’s mood was a bit more relaxed and comfortable after the revelation. They even talked about names for the baby, something Sam hadn’t even begun to consider. Nobody asked about who the father was—they all assumed it was Jack or were wise enough not to pry.

When everybody left, Sam felt completely spent. Jack took her by the hand and led her to the bedroom. They climbed on the bed and stayed closely together.

“That went well, don’t you think?” Jack asked her, eyeing her reactions.

“Ya, sure, you betcha” Sam replied to the amusement of her husband. “I don’t know if I should have told them about the real father…”

“Don’t think about that, Sam” he shifted, uncomfortably. “It doesn’t matter who the father is. _I_ am its father”.

“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just…”

“I know, Sam. I know it’s hard, and I wish it wasn’t. But let’s just forget about that for today and focus on what a good team night he had”.

“Okay” Sam said and put a hand over Jack’s arm. “Did you see Daniel and Vala? I think they are cute together” she changed the subject into more comfortable terrain.

“Oh, yes. Vala is _exactly_ what Daniel needs”.

\--------------------------------------------------

Just as Sam and Jack spoke about them in bed, Vala and Daniel did the same. Something had been bothering Vala since the reveal—hell…since Sam asked her that question about Adria. She had stored it away, but in the privacy of their bedroom she dared to share it with the man she loved. Loved? Liked? At least with the man she was intimate.

“Is Jack the father?” she went straight to the point, and if Daniel’s tense reaction was any indication, she knew the answer before he said it.

“No” he sighed. “It’s the baby of one of the bastards who raped her”

Vala shifted uncomfortably and confessed:

“I suspected as much. It must be eating her alive”

“I’m not sure. She’s got therapy. She’s got Jack. She’s got us…”

“And she’s got a racing mind. And has she really got us?... Do you think she would be bothered if I inquired about it?”

“She might, Vala. It’s taken her three months to tell us about it… it must be hard for her to talk about it”

“I don’t care. I’ll be careful. She won’t even know what hit her. I can be very subtle”.

Daniel sighed, knowing there was no stopping Vala. “Just don’t screw it up, Vala”

“I won’t. I’ll be just the friend she needs, even though she still doesn’t know it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a break from the angst, which will probably come back next chapter :P
> 
> Thanks for reading!  
> As always, I appreciate your feedback.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack has some therapy, while Sam and Vala talk.

“She is doing better, Doc. She really is. Last night she didn’t have a nightmare, and she’s not having as many flashbacks”.

“That’s good, but you didn’t answer my question. How are _you_?”

“Me? Well, you know, I’m okay. It doesn’t really matter how I am.”

“Doesn’t it?”

“It’s not me who went through… what she went through”.

“But it is _you_ who’s helping her get better. So it is also important to understand what _you_ are going through”.

“I’m okay”.

“Are you?”

“I don’t like talking about my feelings, doc. I’m okay”.

Doctor Sanders sighed. She realized that if she wanted to reach to her patient, she would have to use another tactic.

“Have you talked to Sam about her time in captivity?”

“Why would I do that?” Jack asked, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

“To better understand what she went through, to help her better. To make better sense of her nightmares and flashbacks…”

“We don’t talk about _that_. Look, it’s not that I don’t want to know the _specifics_ of her capture; I can imagine it anyway…”

“It’s not the same, wouldn’t you say? You might be imagining things that really didn’t happen…”

“Believe me, doc… Seeing how she was when she got home, nothing I can imagine will match what she went through…”

“Then wouldn’t it make sense to actually talk to her about it?”

“We don’t really talk about our feelings much. We’ve never been like that.”

“Maybe it’s time to change that” Julia looked at Jack with penetrating eyes.

“Look, doc, we _are_ talking more… it’s just hard for us”.

“Okay” Sanders let him off the hook for the moment but made a mental note to talk about it another time. “Have you two talked about the pregnancy?”

“She… we told our friends the other day…”

“And after you told your friends, have you two talked about it at all? Have you made plans? Have you talked about how you two feel about it?”

Jack stayed silent for a second and confessed:

“No…”

“Okay, you know you two _should_ talk. But let’s focus on you for now. How do _you_ feel about the pregnancy?”

“Ugh, doc, is this an exam?”

“No. It’s therapy, and therapy only works by talking about how the elements of our life affect us. So, tell me: how do you feel about the pregnancy?”

Jack sighed loudly and decided to open himself a bit about his feelings. He supposed that the patient-doctor confidentiality gave him a bit of relief.

“Honest?” he asked her, as she nodded with her pad and pen ready in her hands, “I don’t know. Excited… sometimes. Happy? Angry? But mostly, I feel scared”.

“Scared? Care to elaborate?”

“Well…” he sighed, trying to verbalize his feelings. “First, I am scared for her well-being… dr. Lam said her pregnancy might be risky due to her age and her wounds… I’m scared for her mental stability… I’m scared she will not love the baby because of who the father is. I’m scared this will destroy us. And, if I’m honest, doc, I’m also a bit scared that the kid will remind us, _her_ , of the father and her captivity”.

“That’s a lot of things to be scared of… Do you think Sam has the same fears?”

“I don’t know…” Jack rubbed his eyes. “I hope not, but I guess she might. I’m also feeling very angry about it”.

“Angry?”

“Well, you know, this is not exactly an ideal situation. It makes me angry that she might be this scared. It really angers me that god or whatever power there might be in the universe has the sick sense of humor to make her pregnant now when we had been trying for two years”. He slammed his closed fists onto the table with anger. “Sorry”.

“It’s okay. But it seems you do have a lot of anger pent up that you need to learn to deal with. How have you been dealing with anger up till now?”

“Um… gym?” he smiled weakly.

“Well, that is a way to release stress, but we can work on how to deal with the anger in these sessions…”

“Has Sam talked to you about how she’s feeling?” Jack asked, “I know, I know… doctor-patient confidentiality”.

“Why don’t you talk to her? She’s not bound to any oath…” The doctor winked her eye. “So, now, let’s start with several anger management techniques…”

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Vala entered Sam’s lab with determination. She fully intended to do what she had told Daniel about. She wanted to help her friend deal with the feelings of guilt and inadequacy she knew she must be having. She didn’t even knock, so when she happily said “hello”, Sam, who was with her back turned to her, jumped scared.

“Hey, Vala, you frightened me a little” she said, smiling a bit tense, recovering from the scare.

“I’m sorry, Samantha. I thought you might have heard me trotting around”.

Sam laughed a little but tried to continue doing what she was working on before she was interrupted.

“What are you doing?” Vala asked with curiosity.

“Hmm, well, technically I’m still on leave so I can’t really work… but since Jack is with dr. Sanders, I thought I might come here and take a look around, see if dr. Lee has done any damage.”

“I trust you found your lab well?”

“Yes. There are some artifacts I was working on when… well, you know. And it’s been so long that I can barely remember my thought processes…” she sighed.

“I’m sure you will remember with time” Vala smiled.

“I hope” Sam sighed again a bit louder. Then, she realized that she didn’t know what Vala wanted. “Why did you come here, Vala?”

“Oh, well, I wanted to check on you” Vala answered sincerely, making Sam a bit uncomfortable.

“Oh…I’m fine” Sam answered unconvincingly. The phrase had already almost lost all its meaning by then—it was her automatic response. The truth was that coming to her lab had made her sad, reminding her of what she had been, in contrast to what she was now. She didn’t really know if one day she would be able to come back to the lab to work, and that scared her.

“Right, of course you’re fine” the mocking tone in Vala’s voice made Sam look at her, squinting her eyes as if trying to assess what it really was Vala wanted. She stayed silent, not knowing what to answer.

Vala sensed the look of discomfort in Sam’s eyes and admonished herself for her straightforwardness. _I have to be subtler_.

“Look, I came here to see if…” Vala thought for a reasonable excuse for a second, “to see if you wanted some blue Jell-O. With me. You know. As in, we share it. Together”.

Sam looked puzzled; she had never seen Vala so lost for words. That in itself set off all kinds of alarms in her head. But Vala’s pleading eyes disarmed her for a second and she agreed, with a condition:

“Only if we bring the Jell-O back here” Sam had the feeling that whatever Vala was thinking about was better to discuss in private.

“Okay” Vala gleefully answered, happy that her diverting tactic seemed to have worked.

\-------------------------------------------------------

When they came back, they ate the Jell-O in silence. Sam was alert to see what Vala was going to do, while the former thief tried to find a way to be subtler in her caring for her friend.

“Vala, what is this all about?” Sam asked eventually, as she couldn’t stand the tension between them.

“I thought you might be lonely, waiting for Jack, so I wanted to keep you company”.

“Really?”

“Yes” Vala smiled, as she thought _subtle, be subtle, Vala_. “So… when do you know the sex of the baby?” _this is subtle enough_. Vala smiled.

_Oh, of course, now it all makes sense_ , Sam thought. Ever since the reveal, she had the feeling that Vala was checking on her more constantly. “It’s too early for that. I am almost four months along, but the doctor said that I’d know in around two or three more weeks”.

“Do you have any preference?”

“I hope it’s a girl” Sam answered, looking at the Jell-O that was still in her cup.

The quick response, as well as the lack of eye contact told Vala of some unspoken reasons for Sam to want a girl. _I want a girl, so she resembles me_ she seemed to be saying. _I want a girl, so that I won’t ever see the face of my rapist again_.

“Girls are probably easier than boys” Vala responded, trying her best to be as subtle as she’d ever been.

Sam looked at Vala in the eyes, thanking her for not prodding about her reasons for wanting a girl. In the blue eyes of the thief, she saw a deep understanding that overwhelmed her.

“Yes, I guess so” she said, without averting her eyes from Vala’s.

“And they are cuter. You should have seen Adria for those few moments in which she was still a baby…” There was a profound sadness in Vala’s tone, that made Sam teary-eyed.

“God, Vala. I’m sorry. I feel so egocentric worrying about my pregnancy when you had such a horrific experience…”

“And don’t you think, Samantha, that if I didn’t want to share my experience with you, I wouldn’t be insisting so much on it?”

“I guess…”

“Look, Samantha, I’ve made peace with the fact that I didn’t have a normal child—or a normal mother-daughter relationship. It still hurts, of course. But this horrible experience of birthing the biggest threat for humanity _has_ to have something positive. And I’ve decided that helping you deal with your own pregnancy and your feelings about it _is_ something positive that I can do”.

Sam was still too teary-eyed and overwhelmed to thank Vala, so she just nodded, smiling a bit, and wiping a few tears that had escaped”.

“You know, everybody expects a pregnant woman to be happy about her pregnancy—and that is not always the case. So don’t feel bad for feeling whatever you are feeling, Samantha. I understand.”

“Thank you, Vala”.

“Anytime Samantha” the alien smiled and opened her arms in offer of a hug, which Sam gladly accepted. In her arms, she allowed herself to openly sob.

“Hey Carter, I finished with the…” Jack entered Sam’s lab without knocking and found his wife crying in Vala’s arms. “Is everything okay?” he asked worried.

Sam tried to compose herself as she turned around to face her husband. “Yes, we were having a moment”. She smiled, still with some tears in her eyes.

“I see”.

Jack’s worried tone made Vala justify herself: “I just wanted to help Samantha…”

“And she did” Sam said quickly.

“Well, I’m glad” Jack simply answered. Maybe what dr. Sanders told him was true, and he needed to talk more to Sam about her feelings. “Wanna go home?”

\------------------------------------------------

Sam and Jack were laying in bed, each absorbed by their own thoughts about the events of the day. Jack sighed and built up strength to finally ask his wife what he’d been dreading since her rescue:

“Hey, Sam. Can you tell me about your capture?”

Sam looked at him as if trying to assess whether her husband really meant his question. A breath caught in her throat as she replied:

“Okay”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and commenting! :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam tells Jack of her time with the Lucian Alliance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Depictions of torture and rape.
> 
> I decided to mark Sam's descriptions of her capture in italics so it's easier for you to distinguish between past and present.

_Daniel wanted to see the ruins from up close. He thought they might shed some clues about Merlin’s research. I agreed with him, I too believed it might help us fight the Ori. Cameron… he was not so sure. He had a bad feeling about the whole thing. I don’t know, call it team-leader instinct or just plain luck. We should have followed his intuition, but we insisted on staying, and between Daniel and I, we convinced him that nothing would happen. ___

Sam looked at Jack for a second before continuing. His expression was blank, emotionless—his walls built up not to burden his wife with his feelings. She sighed, and went on with her retelling of her capture, looking at the wall in front of their bed. 

_Don’t ask me how they knew we were there; I really don’t know. I have tried to find an answer to that question ever since the capture. Maybe somebody tipped them off, maybe it was just coincidence. I don’t know._

_All I know is that suddenly we were being shot at from different fronts. We tried to respond, but they were too many. We retreated towards the gate and I could see the way home… And suddenly someone hit me from behind. The last thing I remember were Cam’s and Daniel’s worried expressions…_

Sam stopped to steady her breathing. The mechanics of how she was captured was not what Jack really wanted to know, nor was it the hardest part to speak about. She hadn’t really told anybody the specific details of her capture, not even dr. Sanders. So now, getting to the heart of the story, her breathing was a bit frantic, and her voice faltered as she continued, while Jack looked at her stone-faced. 

_When I woke up, I had my hands and feet bound, and I was inside a cell. It was a small cubicle, and when I regained some strength, I tried to move and see if there was a way to open the door. Of course, I found nothing. I don’t know, Jack, what can I tell you that you can’t imagine already? The torture started right away, that very first day._

Jack looked at her, still without showing any emotion, which, if other times it might have irked Sam, she now appreciated. It ground her on a steady reality. Jack didn’t want to interrupt his wife, but seeing she seemed hesitant to continue, he said: 

“I know I can imagine what happened to you. God knows I’ve been doing that already. But I need to know. I need to hear it from you”. 

Sam nodded absentmindedly and, looking at Jack in the eyes, she decided to continue: 

_They wanted to know information about the SGC, you know, pretty standard questions. They remembered me from our previous encounters, so I think they knew I wasn’t going to tell them anything and they didn’t mind._

Jack closed his eyes, showing, for the first time, a glimpse of emotion caused by Sam’s words. It wasn’t that they hoped she would break. It was that they hoped she wouldn’t. 

Sam’s resolve was beginning to wane, but she figured she had to tell Jack now or she would never be able to do so. 

_The first day they didn’t… you know. They beat me and roughed me up a little, but it wasn’t that bad, you know. Not even close to a ribbon device._

Sam smiled faintly, hoping Jack wouldn’t feel too uncomfortable for what was coming. Jack had opened his eyes and returned to his indecipherable expression, which Sam took as a good sign. So, on she went to the heart of the whole conversation. 

_It was the second day that everything started to go south. When it became clear I wouldn’t tell them anything… they decided to use other tactics. They had different whips they used on my back—over and over and over again. One of them particularly enjoyed whipping my back. He then usually poured salt in the open wounds…_

Jack forced himself to remain calm while he listened to Sam delve into the details of her torture. The fact that she had decided to open with the horrific depiction of the whipping only told him that the rest would be even more unbearable to hear. But he needed to hear, and he needed her to tell. 

_They took turns in torturing me, although sometimes, to spice things up they came in pairs or trios. That second day only two entered my cell. I remember it clearly because it was the first time… the first… Anyway, that day they used the whip and they beat me up, kicking me in the ribs. I wanted to appear strong, so I told them not to waste their time and kill me already, because I wasn’t going to tell them anything and then…_

Sam calmed her breathing before continuing her harrowing story. 

_…then they told me that there were worse things than being dead. And so one of them got closer and ripped my clothes off and… and…_

Her voice was trembling just as her body was shaking. Tears were flowing freely on her face. Jack knew exactly what was coming and was starting to feel his resolve falter as well. 

_He raped me, Jack. Oh, God, he raped me!_

She was sobbing while she tried to speak. 

_This is the first time I’ve said the word since the rescue. Once he was done, the other did it as well. It was a pain unlike any other. I wasn’t prepared for that. My back was on fire while they crushed me against the floor. I still sometimes feel the crushing weight of their body on mine._

Sam tried to calm her breathing, as she was starting to hyperventilate. She found Jack’s hand and squeezed it tight. Jack responded to his wife’s search for comfort and held her hand, waiting for her to continue. 

_After they were done, they left me there, naked. My clothes were completely torn and at that moment, I felt so weak that I didn’t even move to get them. I cried myself to sleep that night, embarrassed that I was letting my weakness show. I mean… this was just the second day and they had already… they had already raped me._

She paused at the word, having made an effort to say it. 

_So I was trying to prepare for what was coming, but I was already assuming that if I didn’t get rescued my death would be slow and painful._

Jack tried to gulp the knot that had formed in his throat, trying to remain as calm as possible, as steady as possible. Sam continued; her eyes unfocused. 

_The rest of the days are somewhat a blur in my mind. They would beat me and whip my back for a while and when they got tired, they would just rape me. But sometimes they did other things. One of them had some sort of fetish with knives. He was obsessed. He would bring a long sharp one and he would take his time cutting through my skin, licking my blood. He cut me everywhere you can imagine… Well, you’ve seen the scars… He loved to cut my face; I think it turned him on to see the blood dripping down._

Sam gulped as she added, almost as a whisper: 

_Sometimes he would rape with it._

Jack closed his eyes again, forcing himself not to cry or throw up as he pictured what his wife was telling him. 

_I know they asked me questions, but it came to a point where they didn’t even care about my answers. I didn’t tell them anything. And as I said, I don’t think they cared whether I spoke or not…They just wanted to use me as a plaything._

She shuddered when she used the same word they had called her countless times. 

_All the things they did to me… the beatings, the whippings, the cuts… I could bear them. It was pain and I am… I _was_ trained to withstand pain. But the rapes… the rapes were not only pain. I felt so ashamed, so little, so humiliated… They made me say things, Jack._

Sam looked at him and saw his questioning gaze. 

_When they raped me… and were hurting me, they made me tell them how good it felt. How much I was enjoying it. They made me beg them for more._

Sam could no longer look at Jack as she was saying those things, but she could feel him get tensed next to her. 

_I never enjoyed it, Jack, I swear. Every time it was so painful in so many levels that I couldn’t even focus on anything else than the pain. Not even on the hunger or the thirst… and they didn’t really feed me that often. Usually they waited until I was almost dead from dehydration to come with some water and they made me beg to get some. I resisted at first, and thought I’d rather die than go on with the torture, but I guess that my survival instincts kicked in and I ended up degrading myself to drink. I’m so ashamed of it… I should have just died honorably…_

Sam put her hands over her face in shame, and Jack had to step in: 

“Come ‘ere” He hugged her and turned her face to look at him, putting her hands delicately on her lap: “I would have been _so_ pissed had you decided to die honorably…” 

Sam looked at him pleading with her eyes to continue. 

“You did what you had to do to survive, and I am _so_ proud of you. So, so proud you can’t even begin to imagine it. You are so strong and so courageous that I can’t even begin to tell you how much I admire you” 

Sam sobbed silently listening to her husband say those words. 

“Thank you, Sam” 

“What for?” she asked, still crying. 

“For being so damn stubborn that you wouldn’t die”. 

Sam smiled, her sobs starting to subside. 

“Thank you for doing everything in your power to continue alive, even if that meant enduring a horrible torture. I’m so glad you are alive with me. I’m so proud of your strength”. 

“I can’t believe I have been able to tell you. Without flashbacks, without stumbling…” 

“Because you are so strong, Carter. The strongest person I know” Jack looked at her in the eyes and Sam could see that his eyes were glistening with some unshed tears of his own. “I am thankful that you’ve told me about your capture. I’m so sorry you had to live through that” 

“I love you, Jack” her lips were trembling slightly, as she approached him and kissed him. 

It wasn’t like the desperate kiss she had forced upon him a few weeks back. It was soft and sweet, careful, and slow. It spoke of unsaid words of love and passion —and, for the first time, it felt good, it felt like _them_. It wasn’t hurried, nor forced. It was all she needed at the moment, the perfect kiss. 

Once their lips parted, Jack smiled at Sam. 

“That was…” 

“Good” Sam completed, smiling as well. 

“Yeah”. He wasn’t expecting anything else, so it caught him by surprise when Sam asked him: 

“Could you… would you mind hugging me? Not too tight” 

“Sure thing, Carter” He put his arms around her carefully. This was the first time they had anything resembling intimacy in bed in the last almost four months. 

Jack didn’t know whether or not Sam would have a pleasant night, but as they both slowly drifted into sleep, he felt so closely connected to Sam that he could have hugged her forever. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack and Sam learn the sex of their baby... and receive more news.

“You’re going to make Carolyn angry by being late!” Jack shouted from the living room at his wife, who was still getting ready in the bathroom.

“I’m coming!” he heard the hurry in her voice and leaned on the back of the couch, resigned.

He looked at his watch and sighed at the time. They were definitely arriving late for their appointment. And it wasn’t just _any_ appointment, it was _the_ appointment. Probably the most important one since the first revision after the doctor told Sam of the pregnancy. They were finally going to know the sex of the baby.

If someone had asked him whether he preferred a boy or a girl, he would have answered that he didn’t mind, as long as the baby was healthy. However, deep down inside he had a glimmer of hope that it was a boy. He felt like it would be an opportunity to make up for what he lost when Charlie died. A chance not to make the same mistakes again; to rebuild some of the broken pieces of his heart. He suspected that Sam didn’t want a boy, but he couldn’t help but hope to have that second chance with one.

“Do you want me to tell Carolyn to examine me instead?” he teased when he saw there was still no sign of her.

“I said I’m coming!” came as a response from the bathroom.

Sam was through the third change of clothes and she was getting desperate that none of her pants seemed to fit. When had her baby bump become so big? She had spent the past weeks in pajamas and now that she had to get dressed like a decent human being, she couldn’t find anything that fit. She had not bought any maternity clothes yet, thinking that, at 23 weeks pregnant, she would still have time. The reality was, she now realized, she should have bought something weeks ago.

As she unsuccessfully tried to get into the fourth pants, she sighed frustrated. She was nervous about the appointment and the fact that she was going to be late because of her lack of foresight didn’t help assuage her nerves.

Logically, she knew it didn’t really matter what she put on, for not many people would see her once she got to the mountain, and Carolyn was only interested in what was going on _under_ her clothes. Nonetheless, having to get out and do something remotely human had her on edge—she wanted to look good.

In truth, she shouldn’t have cancelled her appointments with Dr. Sanders, but after having bared her soul to Jack, having to do the same with the doctor was something she was not looking forward to. Both Jack and the doctor had not too subtly opposed the cancellation of her meetings but ultimately, she had the last word on the matter. And… maybe she shouldn’t have, because in her comfortable state of denial, two weeks had passed, some of the nightmares had returned in full force, and her state of mind had her feeling like doing nothing. She could tell Jack was worried for her and the little dance they usually did avoiding talking about their issues was becoming harder to follow.

So now that she had an appointment to _keep_ , an appointment she couldn’t avoid, her nerves were on edge, and she was having a hard time concentrating on finding a solution for her rather innocuous dressing problem.

“Hey!” Jack put his hands on her shoulders and completely scared her.

“Jeez, Jack, you almost gave me a heart attack” said Sam, turning around to look into his amused expression.

“I just wanted to check that the Asgards hadn’t beamed you out” he smiled, “since you were taking forever to come out…”

“Ha ha, very funny” Sam tried to roll her eyes scornfully, but it fell short when she decided to ask for help: “Nothing I own fits me”.

“I think it is _you_ who doesn’t fit in anything you own, wouldn’t you say?” Jack was clearly getting a kick out of the situation, which was increasingly annoying Sam.

“If you’re not going to help…”

“What do you need?”

“For starters, something that fits me.”

“We’ve established that already. Do you want to borrow some pants from me?”

“That sounds like a plan” Sam smiled a bit more relaxed.

“Okay, let me see what I can find” Jack answered, going back to the bedroom.

“Jack?” Sam asked still from the bathroom, looking at her belly on the mirror.

“Yes?” she heard from the adjacent room.

“When we finish with dr. Lam, we should probably go buy some clothes that actually fit”.

“Are you asking me on a date?” Jack came back into the bathroom, with some pants on his hands, looking smug.

“If that’s what you want to call it…” Sam smiled, biting her lip, and grabbing the piece of cloth from her husband’s hands. “Now, let me try these on, or we’ll never make it to the appointment…”

“Sure thing. I’ll go ahead and call dr. Lam to let her know we’ll be late”

“Okay. Tell her I’m sorry”.

“Oh, yes, I plan to tell her everything about your little odyssey finding clothes that fit…”

“General Jonathan O’Neill, don’t you dare!”

“But Carter, I’m not nearly imaginative enough to invent a plausible excuse” he smirked mischievously as he went to the living room to find the phone.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

“Glad to see you, Colonel, General” Carolyn Lam smiled tightly as her patients entered the infirmary half an hour later than they were supposed to. She didn’t really mind the tardiness as she didn’t have any patients at the moment and things seemed fairly calm at the SGC. She was even amused by the reason her patients were late, but wanted to keep the appearance of being annoyed, so that they wouldn’t get used to making her wait; who knew how crowded they might find the infirmary on their next visit…

“Sorry for being late, doc…” Jack said as a form of greeting, “We run into a little snag”.

“So I heard” Carolyn’s smile hinted at her amusement. “Okay, Sam, how are you feeling?” she quickly changed into a professional stance, which Sam appreciated as she was quite mortified already that the doctor knew she couldn’t fit in her pants…

“I’m okay, doctor” Sam smiled.

“Good. Let’s get down to business, shall we? I don’t want to keep you _waiting_ ” Carolyn said with a friendly scorn. “Lay here, Sam, and I can take a look at you”.

Sam complied and let the doctor do her job. Jack took her hand to relax her. She squeezed it, as she tried to calm herself. This was just another revision, there was no cause for concern.

The only minor detail was that she’d know the sex of her baby—she’d know whether one of the faces that haunted her at night would now haunt her forever. There was an irrational part of her that saw in a girl the salvation she needed to reconcile herself with her pregnancy. It was something she should probably talk to her psychiatrist about, but for now, she had tried to avoid thinking about how she felt.

She drew in a sharp breath as Carolyn spread the cold gel on her belly and prepared for the ultrasound.

“It will warm in a second” Carolyn said, inferring that her breath had to do with the cold and not with her nerves.

Sam smiled a little and squeezed Jack’s hand tighter.

“The baby is developing perfectly. The heartbeat is strong, the ultrasound looks perfect” Lam smiled. “You wanted to know the sex, right?”

“Yes”

“Yes” they both said in unison.

“Congratulations, you are having a healthy baby boy.” The words felt like a slap for Sam, who was really hoping for a girl. Jack was happy about the news but refrained from showing it when he sensed that Sam was not too pleased about it. Carolyn also saw the lack of reaction as a bad sign, so she decided not to dwell too much on it and continue with the exam.

“Okay, Sam, let’s take a look at your cervix” she said and paused in her examination.

Jack sensed something was wrong when the doctor was quiet for too long.

“What is it, doc? Is something wrong?”

“Not necessarily” Carolyn said, “but I see that your cervix is shortened”.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jack asked on Sam’s behalf, who was still processing the news of the baby’s gender.

“It means that you are at risk for preterm labor. And, since you’re only 23 weeks along, if the baby were born, it would be hard to be viable”

“So, what can we do?”

“There’s not much to do, but bedrest. Having a baby of 23 weeks on the ICU is not an easy outcome. So, complete bedrest will be the best thing to get to term.”

“Complete bedrest?” Sam seemed to have snapped out of her absorbed state.

“Yes, and I mean _complete_. No walking around, no going to the kitchen to get something to eat. You can go to the bathroom, but that’s about it”.

“You can’t be serious” Jack said, once again echoing Sam’s exact thoughts.

“I’m afraid I am. It’s the best thing to prevent a premature birth, or worse, a miscarriage”.

“But I have to go to see dr. Sanders, I have to leave the house…” Sam said, avoiding Jack’s gaze, who silently scoffed at the fact that _now_ visits to the psychiatrist were suddenly necessary.

“The doctor will have to come to you. As will I. General O’Neill, I can give you a copy of my report so that you can inform the JCS that you cannot go to D.C. until the baby is born”.

“Oh, wow. You can do that?”

“I can. I’m not going to lie, Colonel, General, this is not going to be easy” she turned to Jack, “You will have to take care of Sam in every possible way, even to bring her a glass of water; she shouldn’t get up to get it” Lam now looked at Sam: “Sam, I really hope you will allow dr. Sanders to see you. Being confined to bedrest might be very detrimental for your mental health. It is important that you allow yourself to receive help”.

“I will” Sam sighed. What was supposed to be a happy moment had turned out to be more bad news. She thought to herself if they had had more than a couple of days of respite since she was captured… and she realized they probably hadn’t.

“I’m sorry I don’t have better news” Carolyn felt like she had sunk them into a well of misery.

“Not your fault, doc” Jack said, hugging Sam softly from behind.

“If you wait here for a couple of minutes, I’ll type the report and give it to you, sir”.

“Sure”

Dr. Lam went into her office, leaving Jack and Sam a bit of space to digest all the news they had received.

“This was not how I envisioned this day” Sam said, in the verge of tears.

“I know, me neither” Jack kissed Sam’s hair and thought of something to lighten up the mood: “Think of the bright side: you don’t need to buy maternity clothes if you’re going to be in PJs all day”.

The thought only served to make Sam sadder than she already was. Jack silently cursed his inability to say the right thing.

“I’m sorry, Sam”.

“Not your fault” she echoed his earlier words.

“I will make the next three months and a half the best of your life. You will be so pampered that you’ll feel like a queen”.

“I’ll die of boredom; I can already see it” Sam really tried not to cry.

“Look, I’ll give you my reports to read if that can keep you entertained…”

Sam laughed at the thought and that kept her tears at bay for the moment. Jack smiled when he saw the effect of his words and that emboldened him.

“And you can always distract yourself thinking about names for the little one”

_Wrong thing to say_ , Jack realized the second the words left his lips and saw Sam tense.

“Yes, I suppose I can” Sam said succinctly.

“Do you want to talk about how you feel?”

Jack asked but was interrupted when Lam entered and handed him her report.

“Thanks, doctor. I hope the JCS will find your argument compelling”.

“I’m sure they will. Well… You are free to leave. I will call you, Colonel, to set up the next meetings. I already have your address on file, so you shouldn’t worry about that. I will also contact dr. Sanders, so she is aware of your new situation. Expect a call from her tomorrow at the latest”.

“Okay”.

“It might be also a good idea if you contacted your teammates to help General O’Neill in taking care of you”.

“Already thought about that, doc.” Jack said. _Yes, Carter-duty was back and in full force_.

As they left the mountain, Jack eyed Sam quietly and thought bitterly that every time they seemed to move forward in their recovery, there was something pulling them back. He was beginning to think that all their good fortune had been spent when they finally managed to get together and that they were now paying their price for their happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> This chapter is in part based on my mom's experience, who had to be on bedrest for most of her pregnancy to have me...
> 
> And regarding the sex of the baby, I really debated whether to give them a boy or a girl, and went for boy because most of the fanfics have usually a girl; and the boy seemed more angsty at the time. I hope you don't hate the fanfic for it! :P


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Jack return home after their visit with dr. Lam

“Okay, let’s get you settled” Jack tried to sound nonchalant about the whole thing, but in truth he was struggling to know what to say or how to act. If Sam’s complete silence ever since they’d received the news was any indication of her state of mind, Jack at least knew he had to be careful not to pour salt on the wound. The drive home had been tense, and quiet. Sam had not even so much as looked at him during the whole ride, although he was sure that she knew he was eyeing her. Jack was also pretty certain that she didn’t want him prying over her, but he just couldn’t help it.

Jack placed a couple of cushions and an extra blanket on the bed. He wanted to make sure that everything was as fluffy and comfortable as possible; after all, that bed was going to be his wife’s living accommodation for the next few months.

“You know, I think we could buy more cushions, what do you think?” Jack asked as he helped Sam into her pajamas and onto bed. When Sam didn’t answer, Jack tried again.

“Or we could just buy more pillows. Pillows are comfy and nice”.

Sam simply pulled the sheets up to her chin and turned her back to Jack. Jack rubbed his eyes tiredly and sat down on the bed. He softly caressed her back, hoping the gesture would be comforting.

“Sam” he started, “I know you don’t wanna talk but…”

“Don’t, Jack” Sam interrupted him. “I can’t. Not now.” Jack noticed the teary quality of her voice and gently squeezed her shoulder as if the act would ease her pain. “Just leave me alone, please”.

“Okay.” Jack knew better than to disobey her wishes, so he got up to leave, but turned around when he reached the door to look at her. She had her eyes open, unfocused, staring at the wall with some unshed tears. In his opinion, she looked just as miserable as she had been when they first brought her home.

“I’ll be in the room next door, you know, if you need anything…”

Sam didn’t even acknowledge that she heard him, so Jack, tapping his fingers anxiously on the doorframe, simply said:

“Okay, you know where to find me” and left her alone.

\--------------------------------------------------

Alone in the living room, Jack wanted to punch somebody. He wanted to scream, to run until his lungs burned with exhaustion. Instead, he sat down on the couch and rested his head on his hands. He ruffled his hair with one hand while he tried to sort through his feelings.

Seeing Sam so defeated again had been tough on him as well. He sighed. He really thought they had been making progress with Sam’s recovery, getting some intimacy back together. There had been some setbacks, but he had believed that once they knew the gender of the baby, they’d be able to further move on. He would never had imagined that the visit to the doctor would have the opposite effect on them.

His own happiness at the fact that they were going to have a boy had been clouded by the rest of the news. He was now worried about how Sam was processing the whole thing. She had barely spoken to him and he could tell she was hurting in more ways than before. But her barriers had been promptly put into place, leaving him out again. He wasn’t mad at her; he couldn’t blame her. This whole thing had been blow after blow, and just when she seemed to have let her defenses down, to have let him in, she was delivered a final blow.

It was not only the sex of the baby, although that didn’t help either, Jack mused, but the fact that she now had to contemplate her existence from a bed for her near future was a fatal blow. Sure, there were things that Sam could do to keep herself entertained without moving from bed, but the fact that she was on medical leave ruled out her reading and writing mission reports, and she definitely couldn’t work on any of her doohickeys from bed… He would have to move the TV to the bedroom and find more things for her to entertain herself… As much as Samantha Carter was a scientific bookworm, she was also a very active person, even during her pregnancy. Being in bedrest would be devastating for her, he could tell.

Jack sighed again, suddenly realizing he was completely in the dark. He got up to turn on the lights and decided to make a phone call he had promised to make when he thought the news would be better.

“Jack?”

“Hey, Danny boy”

“What took you so long? Did you take Sam out for lunch to celebrate the news?”

Jack closed his eyes. Leave it to Daniel to say exactly the wrong thing. Daniel seemed to have sensed Jack’s hesitancy, so his tone suddenly reflected the worry on his voice.

“Is everything okay, Jack?”

“Ugh, Daniel, you know, the usual… we got to know the sex of the baby, Carter has to be on bedrest for the rest of her pregnancy and she hasn’t said much ever since we got the news… you know, your typical Wednesday in the O’Neill-Carter household”.

“What? Back down a little. Sam has to be on bedrest?”

“Yep. Look, I’m just calling because I said I would. I should probably go check on Sam”.

“No, no, wait, Jack. Talk to me. Why does Sam have to be on bedrest? Is she okay? Are _you_ okay?”

Jack smiled to himself. Leave it to Daniel to worry about him as well. With all his imperfections, he was always a caring, supporting friend.

“I’m fine, don’t worry about me”. It wasn’t exactly the truth, but he didn’t want to distract anybody from Sam, who was the one suffering the most from this ordeal. “Sam is… well… you know… it’s not the best news in the world…” he sighed, “she has, I don’t know, something about her cervix being shortened? Look, all I really remember is that she could go into labor at any time if she weren’t on bedrest”.

“Oh, wow. I gather she didn’t take it well?”

“As I said, she hasn’t said much about anything, which gives me the impression that no, she didn’t.”

“Jeez, Jack, I’m sorry”.

“I will probably call Mitchell tomorrow, let him know what happened, and start working on a plan to keep Carter entertained…”

“You know, she’s probably going to be pissed that we’ll be taking turns entertaining her, just like when she first came home, and you had to be in D.C.”

“I know, I know… But I wasn’t thinking on starting right away. Not completely, anyway. I don’t think Carter will be up for meeting many people these couple of days. I want her to see dr. Sanders first at least”.

“Right.” Daniel remained silent for a few seconds, thinking for the right thing to say next. “I imagine you two must be feeling worried”.

“Yep, worried pretty much about covers it”.

“I imagine Sam is pretty bummed that she can’t move much…”

“She can’t move _at all_ , Daniel. Lam said she can go to the bathroom but that’s about it. She even gave me a copy of her report so that I wouldn’t have to go to D.C., and I could stay tending to Carter”.

“Oh, wow, when you said bedrest, I didn’t think it’d be so severe…”

“Well… it is. So yeah, you are right, Sam is pretty pissed. That and the baby’s sex have been the nails in the coffin of her depression”.

“Wait, what? What’s wrong with the baby’s sex?”

“Oh, nothing. It’s just that it’s a boy and I’m pretty sure she wanted to have a girl”.

“You scared me there for a bit” Daniel sounded relieved. “So you’re having a boy”.

It was more an affirmation than a question, but Jack answered nonetheless.

“Yep. We’re having a boy.”

“Are you happy about it?”

“Oh, I am. It’s like a second chance, you know.”

“Ehm… I’m not sure you should be considering it like that…”

“Ah, ah, ah. Give me this piece of happiness before I get to think it through and screw it up, Danny boy.”

“Okay…”

“Yep, well I’m happy about it, or at least I _was_ before all hell broke loose and the baby being a boy was the least of our worries. But… Sam’s not too happy about it at all, I can tell.”

“Jeez, Jack, I’m so sorry”.

“There’s not much to do, I’m afraid. I guess we turn to step one and just be there for her… Look, I should probably go make dinner”.

“Sure. I’ll talk to Vala, she might have suggestions of pastimes for Sam…”

“Thanks, Daniel” Jack paused, before admitting, “I really appreciate this talk, Danny boy. It was… good.”

“I’m glad, Jack. Talk to you soon?”

“Yep”.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

As soon as Jack left her alone, Sam allowed herself to cry silently. It had taken all of her willpower to contain the tears in the trip home, so she now took advantage of the solace that loneliness provided to freely let her emotions out of her system.

She tried not to make a lot of noise, for she didn’t want Jack barging in, worried. She was pretty sure he’d respect her privacy, at least for a couple of hours. Still, the soldier in her mind told her that, if she needed to cry, she had to be as quiet as possible. Hell, the soldier in her mind wasn’t even happy that she needed to cry in the first place. But these were attenuating circumstances, she argued to herself; her Air Force training hadn’t exactly covered what to do when forced to stay in bed alone with her thoughts after getting pregnant from a rape in an unknown planet. Yes, if someone had won the right to cry, she thought, it was her.

So, cry she did. Quietly. For how long, she couldn’t really tell. It came to a point when she no longer remembered exactly why she was crying.

And, when Jack came in with dinner in a tray, her exhaustion had gotten the best of her. He didn’t want to wake her up, so he placed the tray next to the bed, and left to sleep on the couch. He wasn’t sure if she wanted him to be with her, so he just opted to give her space. He knew he wouldn’t be sleeping much anyway; he would keep vigil in case Sam needed him. And part of him wished she did, so that he could get into bed close to her, maybe hug her, and forget for a second everything that was wrong in their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Next chapter will further delve into Sam's thoughts and feelings, but I wanted to have a more Jack-centered chapter before getting into Sam.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and her thoughts while confined to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit more experimental. I decided to narrate it in the present, to accentuate Sam's feelings about how time passes.

_Tick, tock_. The clock on the wall mocks her with its impassiveness. _Tick, tock_. The soundtrack of her past couple of days. _Tick, tock._ The seconds seem to be stretching longer today, there seems to be a hesitance between the _tick_ and the _tock_. Everything seems frozen in time, including her existence in this room, on this bed. _Tick, tock_ but the hand doesn’t really move. Time doesn’t seem to have meaning anymore and yet, she needs to make sure the hands are moving, that time, despite its slow pace is moving forward. _Moving forward…_

She huffs at that thought. As an astrophysicist, she knows all about the relativity of time. She knows that her perception of time dilation is due to her particular situation—her depression acting as a black hole, messing with her perception of time and space. And yet, there’s something primal in her that needs the reassurance of a linear forward-moving time. She needs to disconnect her knowledge of physics from her brain, and especially everything that working with the practical application of her theoretical astrophysics training has taught her through the years. She doesn’t want black holes, nor wormholes, nor time loops nor time dilation fields. She just wants to look at the clock and see that every second that passes, she’s closer to surviving the next months of being confined in bed.

Time, that has always seemed to be on her side, is now betraying her. She’s used to having time fly when she’s immersed in an experiment. She’s used to curse how quickly time passed while working. And now, now time is betraying her, slowing down, gloating over her misery. She’s perfectly aware that the thought is rather based on her emotions than on facts; she knows her scientific brain is trying to desperately avoid that kind of thinking. But emotions are lately reigning freely within her, and even though she wishes she could resort to a more rational mindset, she is pretty sure she can’t.

And the _tick tock_ of the clock is laughing at her, mocking her impossibility to do anything else but listen. _Tick, tock, tick, tock. Time is slower today_ the clock seems to tell her. _Tick, tock._ She takes a glance at it. Only five minutes have passed since the last time she checked.

She laughs. She’s losing it already. And it’s only been three days… three? two? four? She can’t really tell anymore. The days are waves that are melting into one infinite sea of despair. Her messed up sleeping schedule has also messed with her perception of time— not only do minutes stretch longer than they should, but days are seemingly passing (or not, she’s not sure) in patterns she doesn’t recognize.

Jack comes and goes, and she has allowed him to sleep next to her at least the last two nights (or were they three?). She hasn’t said much to him, and she knows she’s hurting him by doing so. But she’s not sure she wouldn’t hurt him if she spoke about how she feels. She’s grieving her former self—the one who traveled across the galaxy fearlessly. She’s even grieving her former pregnant-self, who, although not much better off, could move around and move forward—make tangible progress in her recovery, deal more or less effectively with her feelings.

And yet, ever since she got the news that confined her to bed, dealing with her feelings has been next to impossible. She’s felt too much in too little time. She’s cried in silence and she’s cried loudly. She’s hugged Jack a couple of times, tightly, before dismissing him and making him leave her alone. Today was one of those times. And, alone, she’s cried more, but she’s also laughed hysterically. She’s not even sure if the hormones are to blame for her mood swings.

She’s not sure why she wants to be alone, either. Time wouldn’t mock her so much if she had company. It would probably pass faster, she knows. But it might be painful for her and right now she’s in self-preservation mode.

She’s processing things her way, she tells herself. Sure, it might not be the _best_ way, but it’s hers. There are some feelings she can identify in all her tangle of emotions: she knows she’s sad and depressed. She also knows that being confined in bed is not the only reason why she’s feeling like this.

She places her hands on her swelled stomach. She suppresses a cry as she thinks of the child she’s carrying. The _boy_ she’s carrying. A boy. A boy that’s not going to look like Jack. She laughs. The universe has a wicked sense of humor, and this is the first time she laughs at the joke. It’s a hysterical laugh, that mixes with some tears.

And in that moment of a cocktail of emotions, another intrusive thought enters her mind, in the form of the face of her father. She cries now, and for the first time in days, the reason is other than her pregnancy. She tries to imagine what he would say to her about the whole thing. And even though deep down inside she knows he wouldn’t judge her, he would just want her to be alive and well, she can’t help but imagine a disapproving frown on his face. She can picture him giving Jack a hard time for not rescuing her sooner. She doesn’t really know if her dad would be happy about her pregnancy under those circumstances. Would he want her to keep the baby? Would he accept a grandchild with such a father? Would he be happy to be a grandad again?

She laughs again through the tears. It doesn’t really matter; her father is no longer with her and she can find no solace on his wisdom. In her loneliness, she misses him more than ever. She misses his hugs, his reassuring smiles… hell, she even misses Selmak.

With her hands still on her belly, she tries to get comfortable on the bed, moving the numerous pillows around. She dares another glance at the clock. Another five minutes have passed. She wonders for a second if she should call Jack. She guesses he is going insane trying to keep himself from entering the room and checking on her. She wonders if time is also moving slowly for him; if the clock is laughing at the expense of the both of them.

She presently decides not to call Jack and considers her other options. Jack has installed the TV in front of the bed, and he’s also left her laptop handy. She could probably see if there’s any documentary playing right now or continue with a paper on theoretical physics that she began many months ago. But in truth, she’s not really feeling like doing anything that might require intellectual activities. She could read one of the sappy novels that someone gifted her for secret Santa some years ago. No, she’s not in the mood for that either.

She closes her eyes and listens to the annoying _tick tock_ of the clock. She thinks that she’ll tell Jack to take it off the wall. It will feel satisfactory: a final punishment for having mocked her for so long. And yet, there’s a pull not to tell him: that clock has been a loyal companion for several days already. It has kept her sane while at the same time bolstering her descent into insanity.

With her eyes closed, she decides maybe she could sleep. If only her newly returned nightmares would grant her a moment of respite, she would consider it further.

She opens her eyes again and looks at the ceiling. She’s memorized the cracks and different elements of it already. She pictures different forms linking the cracks together. She feels like an artist for a second, creating images that are not there. A memory invades her: she can see her brother and her, making up forms with the clouds while they lie on their backyard. The image of Mark makes her inevitably sad. And the guilt of not having called him after the rescue consumes her. It’s probably too late to call him now — he’d be so mad at her for not telling him of the pregnancy for so long… But she knows he’d be pissed to learn of a nephew _after_ he’s born. It’s a no-win situation. She makes a mental note to call him one of these days, maybe when she’s feeling a bit more up for it. Not that she’ll ever completely feel up for a conversation like that.

She sighs and turns a bit, for she feels as if her body was melting into the bed. Her back aches from the lack of movement. She’s used to being on the infirmary bed, but never so absolutely inert, and never with the added pounds of a baby growing inside her belly. Her back has never ached like that before. Not even throughout the torture… she thinks bitterly.

Suddenly, her stomach rumbles, and she realizes she’s starving. She looks at the clock, her enemy, her ally, and sees that, although not much time has passed (especially considering all the thinking that’s happened during that time), it’s not a bad moment for her to have lunch. Not that time really means anything anymore… for either of them. They could honestly be having dinner at 3am and still go about their uneventful days as if everything were fine. Not that anything is…

But her body is now dictating the time to eat, so it seems that her biological clock has more authority than the little authoritarian hanging on the wall.

“Jack?!” she calls, a bit hesitant, her voice sounding a bit strange to her after being quiet for some time.

He comes to her side immediately: it was clear that he was waiting for her to call him, keeping a silent watch in the living room, as if he were off-world on a mission.

“Yes?” his voice is eager.

“I’m a bit hungry” She considers for a minute whether she wants to eat alone or not, before saying: “Wanna have lunch with me?” she smiles shyly, which contrasts with Jack’s huge grin.

“I’d love to” he answers, before springing to his feet and adding, “I’m going to get the trays. I actually prepared lunch some minutes ago”.

As he leaves her alone, she realizes that she wants his company, that she needs him with her, sharing their misery together.

He comes back with two trays full of food, and as he helps her sit up to eat, she squeezes his hand. He smiles at her, and she feels a peace of mind that she didn’t have ten minutes ago.

They eat in silence, and then Jack speaks, saying what he’s clearly been preparing himself to say the whole day:

“Are you up for some company?”

“Yeah, I want to be with you”.

“Um, sure, me. But what about the rest of the team, dr. Sanders…? They want to see you”.

She hesitates for a second.

“Yes. I guess I can see them too,” she concedes.

“Good. I’ll let them know”.

And they both continue to eat in silence, the only sound being the _tick tock_ of the clock on the wall.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team helps Jack and Sam setting up the nursery.

“So, have you thought about names?” Daniel asked after finishing packing the last books from Sam’s office.

“No, not really. We haven’t talked that much about the pregnancy”.

“Jack…”

“I know, I know. Look, it’s been bad enough. I just decided to avoid any topic that would upset Sam.”

“If you wish to know my opinion, O’Neill, I would argue that Colonel Carter could perfectly manage a discussion on her pregnancy” Teal’c’s voice resounded inside the almost empty room, which was set to become the nursery.

“I guess”. Jack wasn’t feeling like putting up a fight.

“Are those the last books, sir?” Cameron asked as he entered the room again.

“Yup”.

As the lieutenant colonel picked up the box that Daniel had just finished packing and left, Jack looked around with satisfaction. He could almost picture the nursery; he could see the new color and the crib; he could feel the toys and decorations… They were still hours away—maybe days, even— from materializing that picture, but he was quite surprised at how fast things were moving with the guys’ help.

“So” Daniel started as soon as they were just the three original members of SG1 in the room.

“So…” Jack answered, readying for whatever new line of questioning Daniel was sure to start.

“How have you two been?”

“Just peachy, Daniel”.

“Come on, Jack. You’ve spent _days_ without showing signs of life after receiving those news…”

“It’s been tough, not gonna lie. Sam’s been… distant. And sad. And I guess angry at life. But these last few days she’s been better. I mean… I don’t know. Dr. Sanders and Lam came and examined her, had sessions with her. And after that… she’s at least spoken about the pregnancy —she was the one to suggest you guys coming here, so…”

“I am glad Colonel Carter is making progress, O’Neill”.

“Yeah, well, with her it’s been one step forward, two backwards. I think she’s made progress about the torture and stuff… but the whole having a boy and not being able to move thing has been hard to swallow”.

“About that…”

“About _what_ , Daniel?”

“About the boy. You told me you were happy about it”.

“Yes, I _am_.”

“Are you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Look, this whole thing has been tough on you both, and you know Sam was not happy about the boy… and I’m wondering if you are overcompensating, and maybe not thinking through what you really feel…”

“I’ve told you before, Danny boy, I am _happy_ about it. It’s like life’s giving me another chance…”

“See, that’s not the healthiest way to think about it. You’ve told me that repeatedly, and I’m not sure you’ve moved past considering it as just that, another _chance_ ”.

“Daniel…” Jack’s voice had a warning tone, not wanting to engage in a conversation about his feelings, although Daniel’s words ringed true deep within his soul.

Just as Daniel was about to go at it again, Cameron entered. _Saved by the bell_ , Jack thought.

“That was the last box. I guess we can start painting if you are feeling up for it, sir”.

“Yes, I think it’s a good idea. Let’s start by covering the floor”.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

“Don’t you love having the boys do all the work while we relax here?” Vala was laying in bed close to Sam, with a cup of tea in her hands.

“It’s not like I have any other choice, Vala” Sam looked at the former thief with feigned resignation, holding her own cup.

Vala, as always, didn’t let Sam’s answer deter her.

“I do find it quite hot, to be honest, all that muscle and sweat…”

Sam giggled as she pictured the boys, _her_ boys, in sexy postures while boxing her physics books.

“What? Don’t you think it’s hot being pampered while they do all the work?”

“I guess”. Sam smiled, but a tinge of sadness edged on her face as she added: “I do miss it, though”. When Vala looked at her questioningly, she continued. “ _doing_ things”.

Vala turned serious for a moment, which Sam found refreshing.

“Yes, I understand that. I know it isn’t exactly the same, but when I was… trapped under Qetesh, one of the things that almost drove me crazy was not being able to _do_ anything. Especially when the Goa’uld was.”

“Jeez, Vala. I’m sorry. I know what it’s like” Sam shuddered as memories of Jolinar invaded her mind.

“Right, of course. _I_ am sorry, Samantha. I tend to forget, even though I can feel your naquadah tingling”.

“It’s alright. And you _are_ right, being unable to do anything while Jolinar was in control was the worst part of the whole thing… At least right now I can move to go to the bathroom… hah” Sam tried to sound less shaken than she was.

“I am a blabbermouth, Samantha. I should not have said anything at all.”

“No, you’re fine, Vala. I do feel we’ve become quite close to confide these types of things”. Sam put her hand on Vala’s and smiled.

“So this is what you’ve been doing all day for a couple of weeks?” Vala tried to sound unconcerned, as if she weren’t moved by the trust deposited on her.

“Having tea with a friend? Not really, no. I’ve been… contemplating life, I guess you could say”.

“Oof, sounds boring…”

“That’s one way of putting it” Sam sighed, looking back on her depressive state of some days ago.

“Do you feel any better now?” Vala had clearly read what was left unsaid in Sam’s statement.

“A little bit, yes. I guess it was… tough, you know. I felt I was going to be trapped here alone with my thoughts. And at first, I was. But Jack, he’s been so good through all of this… and I realized I didn’t have to be alone through this”.

“You never have to be alone, Samantha, I thought I made that abundantly clear a few months back”.

“I know, I know. It was just that it seemed yet another punishment, you know? Not only is it a boy, but you can’t move at all while you process it”.

“You’re concerned about having a son” It wasn’t a question, and Sam knew Vala empathized with her.

“Yes” Sam simply replied.

“I understand”. Vala remained uncharacteristically quiet, thinking of exactly the precise words to say. Sam allowed her time to think, hoping whatever she had in store would ease her mind. “He’s not going to be like _him_ , you know. You and Jack are good people, and so the only logical conclusion is that your son is going to be just like you”.

Sam slowly nodded, taking her time processing Vala’s words. Deep down she knew she was right, but she hadn’t allowed herself the reprieve of accepting that possibility.

“Samantha, being a rapist is not an inheritable genetic trait”. Vala looked at her seriously, making sure she was listening to her, that her words were getting through to her.

Sam huffed as she smiled at Vala’s words, tears brimming in her eyes. She knew she would lose her composure if she spoke, so she nodded again.

Vala was quite satisfied with the effect her words had on Sam. She smiled, before deciding to give the woman space.

“It will be okay, Samantha, you’ll see. Now, how about I bring another cup of tea, and maybe some food?”

Sam nodded as a response and handed her empty cup to Vala.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

“Hey, when did you get so good at the Xbox?” Cameron asked after losing the game for the fifth time in a row. The whole team was in her room, taking a break from the work on the nursery.

“I’ve had time to practice” Sam said in a tone that was not as sad as before. She was grateful that all of her team was spending the day with her, and she felt more at ease than what she had felt in days.

“Come on, Mitchell, you know Carter could beat you with no practice whatsoever. She’s good with… buttons”. Sam glared at Jack with an amused expression when she heard his words.

“I believe Colonel Carter’s mastery with the console can indeed be attributed to her ability with machines” Teal’c chimed in.

“Wanna play, big guy? I’m useless anyway…” Cameron gave him the controller and Teal’c bowed his head in acceptance.

“I shall attempt to avenge your losing streak, but I do not promise anything”.

“Don’t worry, T. I’ll be gentler with you” Sam answered, smiling smugly.

“Hey!” Cameron protested and everybody laughed.

Sam looked fleetingly at Jack, who nodded ever so slightly, silently communicating that they felt quite content with how the day was going. She then proceeded to thrash Teal’c on the Xbox.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

It was another three hours before the team left, the nursery almost complete save for a couple of minute details. Jack saw them off and went into the bedroom, to find Sam gently caressing her baby bump. The scene felt so natural and yet it was the first time he saw her so peacefully accepting her pregnancy.

“Today was good” he said as a way of greeting her.

“Yeah, it felt almost normal” Sam said, taking his hand and making him lay next to her.

“Yup”. Jack smiled and helped his wife get comfortable by putting some cushions on her back. “I hope Vala didn’t drive you too crazy”.

“Oh, no, not at all. You know, we’ve grown quite close to each other. She’s a good person.”

“I’m glad to hear”.

“Were the boys good to you?”

“Yeah, you know. Daniel a bit annoying, but it’s who he is. And Mitchell still calls me _sir_ , despite the fact I invited him to our house to work on probably the most personal project I’ve ever done…”

“It’s hard to drop the formalities, Jack. It took me quite a while as well”.

“I know. It doesn’t bother me; it rather amuses me”.

“I trust Teal’c was a big help with all the moving”.

“Yeah, of course” Jack stayed quiet for a moment, replaying the conversation he’d had with Daniel earlier.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“I was… I… you know what? It doesn’t matter”.

“What is it, Jack?” Sam looked at him, trying to decodify his stone expression. “You can tell me”.

Jack hesitated for a second, but he eyed her and decided to confide in her.

“Daniel thinks I’m taking the whole pregnancy the wrong way. He thinks that me taking it as a _second chance_ is not healthy.”

“Oh”.

“Yeah, and it got me thinking, you know. Maybe I just like the _idea_ of the child because of what it represents, you know. Maybe I am just thinking of having Charlie in my life again and this time making it right. And maybe I haven’t really thought that you are bringing another life to this world”.

Sam stayed quiet, processing his words. She knew the whole idea of a boy was convoluted for him as well, but this was the first time he confessed just how tangled his feelings were.

“And I’m scared, Sam, that I won’t love this kid for what he is but rather for the potential of what Charlie could have been”.

“Oh, Jack…”

“And I know I’m not making it easy for you, especially with how you feel about having a boy. So, I’m sorry, I apologize. But I am scared, Sam”.

“Jack, I’m scared too. I’m terrified that the child will be born, and I will not love him either. But look, feel” she said this as she placed his hands on her bump— the first time she’d let him. “Can you feel the movement?”

“Yeah” Jack smiled in awe. A life was growing inside of his wife, that kicked and moved.

“He’s been moving a lot lately, and I’ve come to accept that, despite how he was conceived, he’s mine”.

“That he is”.

“So I think that we _will_ be able to love him, in spite of our fears”.

Jack looked at her with love in his eyes, with an adoration that he reserved just for her. Sam leaned in on him and softly kissed him in the lips. It was a kiss full of love and devotion, for which they left their fears behind.

Afterwards, Sam hugged Jack and he played around with her hair, which was quite long already.

“You know, I’ve been thinking names…” Jack broke the comfortable silence after a while.

“Oh, yeah?” Sam turned to look at him.

“How about Jacob? You know, Jake for his friends”.

Sam’s eyed filled with tears as she nodded.

“It’s perfect”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> We're getting closer and closer to the birth...


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam felt a sharp pain like she’d never felt before.

Sam’s belly gently rose and fell with her breathing as she slept. Jack couldn’t take his eyes off of her. She was calm, calmer than she’d been ever since the rescue. The therapy she was receiving seemed to be working—she was beginning to resemble the Sam he fell in love with. She wasn’t there yet, but there were some signs, some mirages that flickered and let his Sam resurface. There were some touches she was now more willing to give and receive, some kisses she asked for, some hugs she gave him in her sleep… Sure, there were still some nightmares disrupting her dreams here and there, but they were scarcer than before. She hadn’t had a flashback ever since she was confined to bed—probably because there weren’t that many triggers for her.

Jack still wondered when they would be able to be _intimate_ again. Of course, it was off-limits until she gave birth, and probably for months after that. But at least now he was hopeful they’d eventually be able to have sex together, which was something he hadn’t felt since her rescue.

“Hey” Sam’s voice, still a bit raspy with sleep, interrupted his train of thought.

“Hey yourself” Jack smiled, and Sam placed her arm on his hip, which felt warm and soft and it filled him with joy that she was so actively affectionate.

“Were you just watching me sleep?” she smiled lazily, not quite ready to be fully awake yet.

“Yep. It’s my favorite sight” he squeezed her arm and placed his hand gently on her stomach. “How are you feeling? Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah, I guess. It’s getting harder to get comfortable with this one getting bigger and bigger each day”.

“I’m sure” he gently stroked her belly while he added: “It’s not going to last much more, just a little over a month and the reasons for not sleeping will be others”.

Sam smiled; she was more than ready to welcome Jacob into the world and be able to leave the bed once and for all.

“I can’t believe it’s been almost three months on this bed…”

“I know. I’m proud of you”.

“I’ve done nothing” she scoffed.

“Exactly. And I know how much that cost you”.

“It must have been hard on you as well. Having to do all the cooking, the cleaning; keeping me entertained… I don’t know how you haven’t gone mad”.

“I could say the same thing, you know. At least I had things to do. I don’t know how you’ve been able not to lose it from here…”

“I did lose it for quite a while…” Sam paused as she thought about just how depressed she had been at first. “But you and the team… you’ve been so good to me” she smiled. “I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me”.

“Always, Carter” he winked an eye and she pulled him close to envelop him in a kiss.

As they were enveloped in it, Sam felt a sharp pain like she’d never felt before.

“Ah!” the scream was muffled as her mouth was still on Jack’s.

“Sam? What’s wrong?” Jack pulled back to observe her.

“I don’t know, I felt something”.

“What did it feel like?”

“Ah, I… like a contraction?” Sam’s eyes widened with panic as she realized what she was saying.

“How long did it last?”

“I don’t know, Jack, I wasn’t counting” Sam was feeling more and more anxious, and Jack’s questions were not helping. “Isn’t it too soon?”

“Well, the doc said you had to be on bedrest because there was a chance you could go into labor anytime, so I guess almost eight months is not soon at all”.

“Should we call dr. Lam?” she held his hand in anticipation.

“It might be too early, you only had one contraction”.

“Funny” Sam said averting his eyes.

“What is?”

“I’ve been basically preparing for this for months, hoping the day would come so that I could leave this bed and now I am dreading this” Her eyes still showed the panic that had flashed some minutes before. “I feel like I’m not prepared at all”.

“Nobody really is, Sam. You can read all you want, and you can ask as many people as you need, and yet until the moment comes, you simply don’t know what’s going to happen”.

“I’m scared, Jack”.

“Don’t be, everything will be fine.”

“That’s easy for you to say”.

“Yeah, I guess it is” Jack tried to maintain his cool stance, but he couldn’t help the smirk that appeared on his face.

“Do you think we should go to the SGC or have Lam come to us?”

“I guess we could go to the SGC, so that the doc has all her little tools with her. Don’t worry, Sam, I’ll call her, but it’s too early yet”.

“Okay, okay” Sam relaxed a little, seeing how Jack had everything under control. Just as she relaxed, another wave of pain hit her. “Ah!!!”

“Breathe, Sam, breathe” Jack took her hand. “Let’s time the contraction this time, okay? And we can also keep track of how often you have them”.

“Ah! How do you know all this stuff?! Ahhh!” Sam asked, trying to control the pain.

“Not my first rodeo, Carter”.

“Right, right” the wave was passing. “Jack, if this is going to get worse, I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it”.

“Well, I have bad news for ya… but you’ll be able to do it, you’ll see”.

“Okay, I trust you” Sam looked at Jack in the eyes with the same look of confidence that she used to give him as his 2IC.

“Good” he smiled.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

When they arrived at the mountain, the SFs were already aware of their situation, so they allowed them to enter without checking their IDs.

Lam had prepared an isolation room for Sam to give birth in, and was giving orders to a couple of nurses when they both arrived to her, Jack looking anxious in anticipation, and Sam panicking as she was wheeled in.

“Hello, Colonel, let’s get you prepped and see where we stand” Lam greeted her, hoping she would relax a bit.

“I can tell you exactly where I stand: I am giving birth, doctor” there was an urgency in Sam’s voice that Lam had never heard before. Even in the direst of situations, the Colonel had always remained calm and professional.

“I’ll be the judge of that” she smiled, and, with the help of a couple of nurses and Jack, they put her into a gown and placed her onto the bed.

“Okay, so how often have the contractions been occurring and for how long?”

“Every ten minutes or so, they’ve been quite irregular for a couple of hours” answered Jack, proud of having kept it controlled.

“Have the contractions gotten more intense, and more frequent?” the doctor asked Sam, thinking she’d be the one answering.

“Not that she told me, no” Jack answered instead. The doctor looked at Sam questioningly, waiting for her to confirm the information given by her husband.

“No, I guess not.”

“Okay, let me examine you. General, if you could wait outside…”

“Sure, I’ll call the team in the meantime”.

“Thanks” Lam smiled, and Jack took Sam’s hand, to tell her before he left:

“I’ll be right outside, everything will be fine, you’ll see”.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

As Carolyn Lam examined her, a small smile appeared on the face of the doctor.

“Sam, I’m sorry to tell you this, but you’re not in labor”.

“What?”

“You are experiencing what we call Braxton-Hicks contractions, otherwise known as false labor”.

“None of this feels _false_ , doctor”.

“I know, it’s just a name. Think of it as your body preparing for actually labor”.

“I’m telling you, I really thought I was in labor”.

“I know, they can get pretty intense” Lam eyed her sympathetically before adding, “But don’t worry, they are normal, many women have them; you shouldn’t worry about them”.

“Is there a way to make them stop?”

“Sometimes it’s as easy as changing your posture. Dehydration is also a fairly common cause, so I’d suggest getting some water”.

“Water? Changing posture? If it is as simple as that, why does it feel like I’m going to have the baby?”

“The causes and remedies might be simple, but it doesn’t mean the contractions are painless. They are, however, less painful than actual contractions, I’m afraid”.

“Oh, boy…” Sam was beginning to feel embarrassed that she made the doctor come to examine her during her free day. Carolyn detected how ashamed the colonel was feeling, so she tried to ease her embarrassment:

“It’s called false labor for a reason, Colonel. It’s normal that you thought you were actually about to give birth”.

Sam scoffed before explaining:

“I feel like an idiot, doctor. And I’m sorry I made you come here on your free day”.

“Nonsense. It’s my job. Now, the bad thing about Braxton-Hicks is that they are sporadic. They may come and go for days up until your actual labor. An easy way of differentiating them is that they don’t get closer together, they don’t have a regular pattern, they don’t last longer as they go on, or stronger in intensity, and, of course, they eventually stop, which doesn’t happen to actual contractions”.

“Okay…”

“Look, Sam, you’re almost there, this is the final stretch”.

“I know, I kind of hoped I would already have it and be able to move on, leave the damned bed…”

“Well, you did leave the bed to come here” Lam smiled, “although now you’ll have to get back to it”:

“Yeah, I guess so”.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

When Jack re-entered the room, he saw a flustered Sam talking to a relaxed doctor Lam. There was no sense of the urgency that had invaded the room when he left.

“Is everything okay?”

“I’m not in labor, Jack” Sam didn’t look at him in the eyes, clearly embarrassed by her words.

“What?”

“I have experienced… what are they called again?”

“Braxton-Hicks contractions” Lam provided.

“Apparently also known as false labor” Sam was still not looking at him, which saddened him—this felt like the belittled Sam of months before, scared of the effect her words would have on him.

“Oh, well, that way we have more time to get ready, Carter” he smiled, wanting to make her feel more comfortable.

“So I guess you’ll have to call the team, tell them it was a false alarm…”

“Yep, I’ll go call them and you can get dressed to go back home?”

“Yeah, sure”.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

“I feel like such an idiot” Sam told him as he helped her get in a comfortable position that would ease her contractions.

“You’re not an idiot, Carter, just a first-time mother”

“Did Sara…?” Sam started to ask, but was interrupted by Jack, who completed her question.

“ever have Braxton-Hicks? No, she didn’t. Or at least she didn’t tell me. I wasn’t that present during her pregnancy, you know?”

“Oh”.

“Yeah, one more thing I regret from that marriage”.

“I’m sorry I brought it up”.

“You’re fine, don’t worry. How are those contractions going?”

“They seem to have stopped for now” Sam reached out to take his hand on hers. “How did the guys take the news?”

“Oh, well, you know, disappointed, but they send energy and hugs”

Sam smiled and closed her eyes.

“I guess now I have yet another thing to keep me entertained on the bed”

“Hah, I like the way you think, Carter”.

“Come here and kiss me, Jack”.

“Of course”.

As he leaned to kiss her, he felt happy that she had requested it.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

It had been a couple of days since the incident with the Braxton-Hicks, so when a wave of pain woke her up, Sam did not feel scared at all. She just rode with the pain and hoped it would end soon. She changed her position and steadied her breathing.

When Jack woke up in the morning, he saw Sam’s grimace of pain.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I guess the Braxton-Hicks just didn’t want me to sleep tonight”.

“You’ve been with contractions all night?”

“Yep”

“Are they getting stronger?”

“I don’t think this is it, Jack…” But then Sam realized that her contractions had indeed felt a bit more intense in the past hour. “Oh”

“What?”

“Maybe you are right” as the realization hit her, her water broke, as if it was waiting to confirm her suspicion. “Oh”.

“Sam?”

“My water just broke”

“Okay, okay. Let’s keep calm about the whole thing”.

“Yes.”

“I’ll call Lam and we’ll get to the SGC”

“Jack”

“Yeah?”

“We’re going to have a baby”

“We are”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and for all the support!
> 
> The baby is coming!


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby's coming!

The SGC was fairly quiet as it was early in the morning when Sam and Jack arrived. Carolyn had been paged and was waiting for them at the isolation room that had been prepared for Sam.

“This time it’s for real, doc” Jack said as a form of greeting as they descended through the hallway.

“I’m glad” Carolyn smiled as she waved them inside the room. Just as last time, they helped Sam into a gown and Lam shooed Jack outside for a minute as she prepared to examine Sam.

“I’ll call the team to tell them this is it”. Jack patted Sam’s hand and proceeded to leave the room.

“Don’t be too long!” Sam yelled as she observed him go.

“I’ll be back in a minute, Carter” he winked an eye.

Sam nodded and let the doctor examine her.

“Well, you’re only two centimeters dilated, and we need to get to ten. It’ll be a while”.

“How long is a while?” Sam asked, fearing the answer.

“It will be hours, Sam. So, I know it’s not easy, but try to relax. I will come back in an hour to check on you”.

“Okay, thank you, doctor”.

“Hang in there, colonel.” Lam smiled sympathetically and left.

_Okay, we’re in for a long ride_ , Sam thought, and tried to get comfortable on the bed as she waited for Jack to return.

\------------------------------------------------------------

“Danny-boy, are you close to the mountain? I know SG1 was on down time as Teal’c had to be with the Jaffa Free Nation”.

“Yeah, I’m at my office, why?”

“Sam’s in labor”

“For real?”

“Yep, this time is the real deal”.

“Oh, wow! I’ll be down in a minute. I think Vala is in her quarters, I can tell her too”.

“Yeah, do that. I’ll see if I can get hold of Mitchell and see if Walter can send a message to Teal’c or Bra’tac.”

“Okay. I’ll see you in a bit. How is Sam?”

“Nervous, tired. She spent the whole night with contractions thinking she wasn’t in labor”.

“Oh, wow”.

“Yeah, you know Sam. She has a big threshold for pain. Look, tell Vala and I’ll call Mitchell and Teal’c. I don’t want to keep Sam waiting alone”.

“Sure, sure, sure”.

“Bye”

“See you in a bit”.

Jack hung up the phone and called Cameron.

“General?”

“Hey, Mitchell, are you close to the mountain?”

“Em, not really, sir. But I can get there in about forty minutes. Why?”

“Sam’s in labor”.

“Oh, really? Is this not a false alarm?”

“Nop, it’s for real”.

“Okay, sir. I’ll be right there. Is there anything you need?”

“Nah, with the false alarm the other day we packed everything we needed. So just get your ass over here”. Jack was getting a bit impatient, but he hoped his tone was still playful.

“Yes, sir”.

“Good. She’s in isolation room D4”.

“Got it”.

As he hung up the phone for the second time, he decided to check in on Sam before going to the gate room to send the message to Teal’c.

Sam was alone in the room, already looking quite tired, although, he figured, it wasn’t too strange, as she hadn’t slept at all last night”.

“How are you holding up?”

“Dr. Lam said I’m only two centimeters dilated, so it’s going to take a while”. Sam’s tone was resigned, but then a contraction hit her, and she screamed in pain.

“Here, take my hand. Breathe.” Jack was next to her within seconds.

When the contraction passed, Sam looked at him and said:

“I haven’t felt this much pain since…” she stopped when she realized what she was going to say, but nonetheless finished the sentence with a quiet voice, “the torture”.

Jack gulped and gently kissed her hand.

“This time something good is going to come out of it. The pain will have a reward”.

“I suppose so”. Sam seemed to be thinking about it for a while, and then asked Jack a question which had been bothering her since the labor had started: “For how long was Sara in labor?”

Jack averted her eyes and wondered if he should just lie to her. However, Sam looked right through him and said:

“That long, eh?”

“It was around 28 hours”.

Sam drew in a breath.

“Oh boy”.

“It may not be your case, though, Sam”.

“Have you—have you called the team?” Sam didn’t want to dwell on the realization that she might spend more than a day in labor.

“All accounted for, except for Teal’c. I was going to the gate-room to relay the message. Mitchell said he’d be here in around forty minutes”.

“Good” Sam smiled a bit. “So, go ahead, get Teal’c the message”.

“I’ll just wait for Daniel and Vala to arrive. They’re here at the mountain, so it shouldn’t take too long. I don’t want to leave you alone again”.

“I’ll be fine, I can manage”.

“Nah, Sam, I’m staying, it’s non-negotiable”.

Sam couldn’t help the smile that brightened her face. She loved how he was always willing to be by her side. Jack seemed happy about the effect his words had on her, and was about to make a snarky remark, but then Daniel and Vala entered the room. Vala was carrying a huge teddy-bear, almost as big as herself, and Daniel had a blue balloon that said _It’s a boy_ in bright golden letters.

“Hey Sam, how are you doing?”

“Hey guys” Sam was visibly touched by the display of love and affection of her friends. “You shouldn’t have brought me anything”.

“Nonsense, Samantha. We wanted to get you a little something” answered Vala, who clearly had a different concept of what _little_ meant.

“Guys, can you watch her for me? I have to tell Teal’c that the little one is on his way.”

“Sure, Jack”.

He patted Daniel’s back and went out to fulfil his mission.

“Hey Vala, can I ask you something? How long were you in labor?”

Vala exchanged looks with Daniel and smiled sympathetically, answering Sam’s question with eyes of pity.

\-------------------------------------------------

“General, it’s good to see you, sir” Walter saluted him in the control-room.

“I need to relay a message to Teal’c, can you dial the gate?”

“Sure thing”.

As Harriman chanted the locked chevrons, General Landry stepped into the room.

“Jack, what brings you here?”

“Oh, you know, Hank, certain lieutenant colonel is giving birth a few floors above you.” Jack had a stupid smile across his face as he told Landry the news.

“So soon? Well, congratulations!” He sincerely patted the other man’s shoulders and he added, “When you finish here, could you come to my office to discuss something pertaining to that certain lieutenant colonel of yours?”

“Sure” Jack tried to read the expression on the other man’s face but couldn’t really tell what it was all about.

“Chevron seven locked. We have a connection, sir” Walter told him, breaking his reverie.

“Thanks”.

\----------------------------------------------------

As he finished telling Teal’c the news, Jack headed to Landry’s office to see what the big deal was.

“Hank, you wanted to see me?”

“Yes, Jack, please, take a seat”.

As he did so, Jack couldn’t help but tap his fingers on the table impatiently.

“So, what is it?”

“There’s talk in D.C. about a new head for the science department here at the SGC, with prospect of branching to Atlantis eventually. Sam’s name is sounding more and more loudly.”

“Oh”.

“But for that she needs to be full-bird. Would you like to do the honors of pinning her?”

“Wow, Hank, I wasn’t expecting this”.

“Look, I know she will be on leave for several more months, but we can wait for her”.

“It will be my pleasure”.

“I’m glad” Landry smiled and added, “Go, go to your wife. I’ll try to drop by as soon as I finish with this paperwork. Congratulations, again”.

“Thanks, Hank”.

\----------------------------------------------------

When Jack came back, Cameron had just arrived with a stuffed toy in the form of a plane, and was giving it to Sam.

“Air Force parents, Air Force baby” he was telling her.

“Aw, thanks, Cameron, I love it” Sam turned and saw Jack entering. “Hey, what took you so long?”

“It’s not like we’re in a hurry, Carter” he simply answered. He would not tell her about the prospect of her promotion, as he believed it would be a great surprise. “How are you holding up?”

“You know, some contractions, some pain… but mostly I’m tired”.

“It will be over before you know it”.

“Ah, ah, ah. You’ve never lied to me, don’t start now”.

“Sorry”

“Is Teal’c going to make it?” Sam asked with hope in her eyes.

“He says he’ll try to be here as soon as possible, but he has a couple of meetings with the Jaffa council. I guess it depends on how long you’re going to be at it…”

“Then we have nothing to fear, he has plenty of time…”

“Patience, Carter. Jacob’s just so comfy inside of you that he is taking his time to come out”.

“Now that makes no sense, because then he wouldn’t have decided to come out a month early”.

“Carter, you’re too smart for your own good”.

Sam smiled, and then another contraction started, as if they were waiting for her to lower her guard. Everyone was around her, telling her to breathe and relax. When it passed, she smiled again, thinking that her team was her family, a dysfunctional one as that, but one that she wouldn’t change for the world.

\------------------------------------------------------------

“You are now five centimeters dilated, you’re halfway there” Carolyn told her, with a smile.

“I’m only _five_ centimeters? It’s been five hours!”

“We’re getting there, slowly but surely” the doctor squeezed her hand and added before she left, “I’ll come back in an hour”.

“You’re doing great, Sam” Daniel told her, trying to reassure her.

“I’m not doing much” huffed Sam.

“Then I suggest you allow me to entertain you, Colonel Carter” the booming voice of Teal’c reverberated in the room, as he entered it.

“Teal’c! You made it!” Sam smiled widely. Maybe being in labor so long had some good things.

“I would not have missed it for the world” Teal’c bowed his head.

“T, it’s good to see you!” Jack told him, happy to see his friend—and happy knowing what it meant for Sam that the whole team was there for her.

“Likewise, O’Neill” Teal’c answered, getting a chair, and joining the rest of his teammates in their long watch.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

In hour six of Sam’s labor, Hank Landry came by to give his lieutenant colonel good wishes. He also gave her a small present, a pacifier with the SGC logo. “Only to be worn at home, outside the pacifier is classified,” he’d said jokingly.

By hour ten, the whole isolation room was full of presents from almost the whole of the SGC, including a bodysuit which said “Air Force baby AF” from Siler, some diapers, a breast pump, and a blanket with a stargate stitched by hand from Walter.

By hour fourteen, Vala, Daniel and Cameron were sound asleep and Teal’c and Jack silently exchanged glances around Sam, who, according to the doctor, was still eight centimeters dilated.

By hour seventeen, Sam was restless.

“I can’t do this anymore”.

“It’s not like you have any choice now, Sam” Jack told her. “It’ll be over soon”.

“You told me that a hundred hours ago!”

“Yes, but that time I was lying. This time I mean it”.

Sam wanted to answer, but she had a contraction.

“See what I mean? Your contractions are now very close, and they are lasting longer”.

“Can you call dr. Lam? I think this one is going to come out at any minute.”

“On my way”.

Lam entered the room and made everybody stay back as she examined Sam.

“I’m glad to say that you’re about to have a baby, Sam”.

The whole room erupted in cheers, which reminded Lam to get everyone out.

“Only the baby’s father gets to stay” she said, and Sam and Jack exchanged a look, the latter asking her if she was okay with the doctor’s choice of words. She nodded and Jack ushered the team outside.

As the team sat on the chairs outside the isolation room, Daniel suddenly had a realization.

“Funny”.

“What is, Daniel?”

“This is the same isolation room they brought Sam to when we returned her. We were here, doing exactly the same thing around seven months ago”.

“I’d say it’s a merrier occasion than the one seven months ago”.

“Yeah, I guess things do get better with time.”

\-------------------------------------------------

Inside, Sam was instructed to push with the contraction she was having. Jack was holding her hand tightly, trying to transmit his strength to her.

“I can’t do this anymore” Sam said, gasping for air, trying not to focus on the pain.

“Yes, you can, Sam. Now, with the rest contraction I want you to push with as much strength as you can, okay?”

“I can’t, I’m too exhausted, I can’t” Sam was crying and ready to give up.

“You can, Sam”. Jack held her hand more tightly.

“I can’t, I’m not strong enough”.

“Sam, you’re the strongest woman I know. Heck, the strongest _person_ I know. You just have to focus, okay?”

Sam yelled from the pain of the contraction and both Lam and Jack instructed her to push, which she did.

“You’re almost there, Sam. One last push and you’re there”.

“AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!”

With that last push, came a couple of seconds of silence, and then the wails of a baby.

“Congratulations, you have a healthy baby boy”.

Sam smiled as tears were rolling down her face.

“Do you want to hold him?” asked Lam, as she cut the umbilical cord and cleaned Jacob with a towel.

“Yes, please”.

“I’ll give you a couple of minutes alone” said Lam, handing Sam the baby.

Sam observed her little boy of bright blue eyes lovingly. She had had her doubts as to whether she would love Jacob immediately or not, but they dissipated as she put her finger on his little hand.

“He looks just like you, Sam” Jack said, as if reading her doubts.

“He does, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah” Jack kissed Sam on the head softly. “You did it, Sam. I’m so damn proud of you”.

“I love you, Jack O’Neill” she answered and motioned to kiss Jack in the mouth.

“I love you too, Samantha Carter. And I love you, Jacob O’Neill-Carter”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> We're getting close to the end of the fanfic, but there're still some more chapters to come!


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team meets little Jacob.

Sam had never looked so beautiful in Jack’s eyes. She was now resting with Jacob on a crib next to her bed. He was sitting on a chair of the isolation room at the SGC, and as he watched her sleep, he remembered the dozens of times he had sat on a chair at the infirmary, looking over her as she recovered from a mission gone fubar. His mind wandered a second to the moment he had seen her after they’d brought her from her captivity—how broken she’d looked, how fragile, how tragically sad. The Sam he was seeing now was possibly just as exhausted, but there was nothing from the broken and fragile woman in her exhaustion. No: she looked so strong and determined, even as she rested, that it made Jack appreciate just how far they had come in the past year.

As he looked at her, Jack could not feel more love and admiration for his wife. He wanted to hold her and never let her go.

Jacob stirred a bit on his crib and Jack took a moment to look at him. He couldn’t help but smile: he was the splitting image of Sam, with bright blue eyes, and a little bit of fair hair that would probably be the same color as Sam’s once it grew. He felt just as much love for the little one as he felt for Sam. He had almost forgotten that he wasn’t his. It didn’t matter at all.

It was no secret that he loved kids, even other people’s kids—but looking at Jacob, he felt just as he had when Charlie was born. Heck, now that he was older, and more experienced, he was getting to live through the whole parenthood business with new eyes, finding joy in unexpected things. He’d been so nervous during Charlie’s birth, that it was all a blur in his head. This time around, he had been a bit more in control, so he had been able to imbibe the experience. Even now, sitting in silence, observing his wife and newborn son, he was getting to enjoy it more fully than the first time around.

Jacob interrupted his reverie with a wail and as if she had a sixth sense, Carolyn Lam entered the room to wake Sam up:

“Hello, Colonel. Are we ready to try breastfeeding little Jacob again?”

Sam was a bit groggy from sleep and the exhaustion of her voice touched Jack’s heart in a way that was completely new.

“Yeah, sure”.

Lam smiled and picked Jacob up and placed him on Sam’s arms. The doctor instructed Sam how to have the baby latch on her breast and her smile broadened as the colonel complied and Jacob started suckling.

“Well done. I’ll let you to it and will be back in a while” the doctor said as she left the room.

“You’re a natural, Carter”, Jack couldn’t help but say. Sam smiled and Jack’s heart melted, radiating with adoration for that woman.

“I’m not so sure about that, I think he’s the one doing everything”.

“You’re both naturals. He was practically born for this”. Jack smirked at his own dad joke and through the exhaustion Sam’s eyes glistened with the realization.

“Oh, wow. You’ve already fully assumed your role as a dad”.

“You betcha. I’ve been training for years, making horrible jokes”. Jack’s smile widened.

Sam, however, remained silent, looking at Jacob with what Jack thought was a sad gesture.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked, concerned.

Sam sniffled and smiled. “Yeah, I was just in awe that I made this” she looked down at little Jacob, still busy getting fed.

“That you did” Jack took Sam’s free hand on his and added: “I am in awe myself. I just mask it with bad jokes”.

Sam giggled.

“Today you get a pass at giggling, Colonel.” Jack bent towards her and kissed her on the head. Yes, Jack thought to himself, this time around he was enjoying every single moment of his child’s birth.

The door to the infirmary room opened then, and Vala’s head popped up.

“Is it okay for us to enter?”

“Of course.” Sam answered, and in came Vala, Daniel, Cameron and Teal’c. “Hey, guys” she greeted them.

“Well, look at you, Samantha. You look beautiful” Vala said, getting closer. “And this might be little Jacob?”

“Yes” Sam answered, lifting Jacob, who had already finished feeding, and she showed him to her friends.

“He’s beautiful, Sam” Daniel said succinctly. He, who was always prattling around, was now speechless. His friend, whom he considered a sister, was a sight to behold. She looked exhausted but was radiating happiness. He had never seen her so content, so beautiful.

“He is indeed a beautiful infant, Colonel Carter” Teal’c bowed his head and added, “You did good today, Colonel Carter. You are a warrior of great strength. We are proud of you”.

Sam smiled and looked at Teal’c in the eyes while she bowed her own head in response.

“Can I hold him?” the request came from Cameron, who had remained silent and had stood back until that moment.

“Sure” she said, and handed Jacob to him, although, she noticed, it was harder to part from him than she’d expected. The lack of a baby in her arms suddenly felt like a void in her chest.

Cameron held him lovingly under the scrutiny of both Sam’s and Jack’s eyes.

“Wow, Sam, he looks just like you” Cameron said. and Sam smiled. “Well, and like you, sir” he quickly added, looking at Jack. The general stiffened a bit and eyed Sam. Of course, if anyone had to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, it had to be poor, clueless Mitchell. Jack suspected he was the only one who didn’t know about the paternity of Jacob: Daniel did, so that meant that Vala did too—didn’t his wife have a conversation with the alien about it? And even if Teal’c didn’t have the whole picture, he must certainly suspect, but was just too respectful as to comment. Now Mitchell… of course he didn’t know… he was too gullible sometimes.

Sam had a silent conversation with Jack in the two seconds they eyed each other. They had decided that the official version they were going to tell was that Jacob was Jack’s. However, it suddenly felt wrong for Sam to lie to her team—her friends, her _family_. Something clicked inside her brain, and suddenly telling the truth, as harrowing as it was, felt like the right thing to do. She eyed Jack, silently asking for permission for what she was about to do. Jack understood and nodded slightly.

“I don’t think he’ll look much like Jack, Cameron, because he isn’t the father”.

Cameron looked shocked, while the rest of the team shared complicit glances.

“What do you mean he’s not the father?” he asked, but neither Sam nor Jack had to answer, for he made the connection in his brain. “Oh”.

“Yeah” Sam simply said.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t…”

“I know.” Sam smiled slightly, “We decided not to tell. And for practical purposes, Jack _is_ Jacob’s father, so… Just not biologically”.

There was a bit of an awkward silence, but Vala stepped in to force everybody to return to a happier topic at hand.

“I believe it is now my turn to hold the little one, is it not?” Cameron looked at her and complied. “Look at his big blue eyes! He is going to be a heartbreaker when he grows up. I shall give him tips”.

“And I’ll make sure he doesn’t listen to her” Daniel chimed in, and everybody burst into laughter, relaxing the awkward atmosphere that had been created.

It was in this moment of relaxed laughter that Hank Landry entered the room.

“I’m glad to see you up and about, Colonel”.

Sam smiled and automatically tried to sit up a bit on the bed.

“Please, Colonel, you just had a baby” The general waved her and smiled as he approached Vala to look at the bundle on the alien’s arms. “And is this little Jacob? Hello, little one”.

Jack got closer to his wife and placed his arm on her shoulders as he observed the interaction between Vala and Landry.

“Oh, there’s one more thing. We had a special guest at the SGC today, and he would like to meet Jacob”.

Sam shot a suspicious glance at Jack, who just smirked at her.

The door opened again, and, to everyone’s surprise—except for the two generals— George Hammond entered the room.

“General Hammond?” Daniel greeted him with surprise.

“I am retired, remember, dr. Jackson?”

“Uncle George” Sam’s voice faltered a bit. Hammond was the last remaining person she had resembling a father figure. “I didn’t know you were in town”.

“I wasn’t. I got a call from Jack and Hank. And I couldn’t miss the chance to meet your son, Sam”.

Vala, who was still holding Jacob, offered him to Hammond. The retired general was a natural with the baby—after all, he had experience with his grandkids.

“Hey little one, what’s your name?”

“Jacob” Sam replied, and George nodded, visibly affected by the answer.

“A great name after a great man. Little Jacob, I’ll tell you many stories about your grandfather”.

Sam’s eyes watered with emotion seeing the exchange.

Jacob protested a bit in Hammond’s arms, and he returned him to his mother.

“Here you are. I’m not offended that you’re whining. We’ll have time to get to know each other”.

Sam rocked Jacob in her arms and couldn’t help but yawn. The exhaustion was taking its toll in her.

“Maybe we should leave you to rest, Colonel” Landry said, and, despite the fact that she really wanted the moment to last, she acquiesced.

“I’ll be back before either of us leaves base” Hammond assured her.

With that promise, everyone left Sam and Jack alone.

“Sleep, Carter. I’ll take care of the both of you”.

“Always?”

“Always”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this one took longer to update, I've gone back to work this week and it's been frantic. I have the next chapters mapped out, I just need to find time to write them. 
> 
> Also, writing fluffier things is not my forte so this has been my attempt at that haha  
> Thanks for reading!


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam has an important conversation with dr. Sanders regarding intimacy and getting back to work.

“Colonel Carter, it’s good to see you. And this must be little Jacob”.

“Yeah, I thought I could bring him here instead of leaving him with the sitter, considering this is the only engagement I have today. I hope it’s okay.”

“Yes, of course. Please, take a seat”. Doctor Sanders gave her a wide smile and gestured for Sam to sit. As she did so, she asked her: “so, how are you doing?”

“Fine, I guess”.

“You guess?”

“Yeah, tired, but fine”.

“Babies tend to do that to people. Jacob is… what? Two? three months old?”

“Almost three”.

“Then of course you must be tired. How are you and General O’Neill coping with the changes in routine?”

“Well, he’s back in D.C. during the week, but since I’m still on maternity leave, I’m doing fine. I also have the hep of the babysitter and, you know, the team”.

“Still, it must be exhausting to be alone with the baby during the week”.

“I… a little” Sam confessed, blushing slightly.

“Are you sleeping well? Whenever you can, of course. Do you have nightmares?”

“No, not really. I mean, sometimes I do, but very seldomly. Overall, I am sleeping as well and as much as Jacob allows me to.” As if aware that they were talking about him, Jacob protested in his mother’s arms, and Sam started gently cooing him. “He’s not usually this vocal about everything” Sam smiled, excusing him.

“So, going back to how you’re handling things…”

“I’m handling things just fine, doctor”.

“I wasn’t going to say otherwise. In fact, I wanted to talk to you about getting back to work.”

“Oh”.

“You don’t seem too happy about it”.

“I mean, I don’t know…”

“What do you not know?”

“How to feel about it”.

“In what sense?”

“It’s been so long… that I guess I didn’t see this day ever coming”.

“You’ve done a great deal of progress in the past year. It is my professional opinion that, if you feel like you are ready to come back, you are”.

“I’m not sure. I guess part of me is eager to come back. But I don’t know if I’m ready to leave Jacob with the babysitter the whole day…”

“You can start off little by little, working part-time before actually getting full time”.

“But how could I do gate travel if I’m working part-time?”

“You could _not_ do gate travel. Have you considered that?”

“When I first… well, you know, when they brought me back, I never thought I’d be able to step through that gate again. And now, I’ve kind of gotten used to the idea that I would some day get back to gate-travelling. It’s the first thing that’s come to my mind when you said that I could come back.”

“You haven’t answered my question. Would you consider going back to work without the gate travelling component?”

“Yeah, I guess, sure. That way I would always be able to be here for Jacob”.

“Yes, it could be a good way of getting back to work.”

“Holly Hannah. You really think I’m ready?”

“That can only be answered by you, Sam. From your reaction I can see there’s still some anxiety related to that. We can work on feeling less anxious before I clear you”.

“Okay…”

“Sam, we both knew this day was going to come, sooner or later. You should be proud of all the progress you’ve made, that we’re already considering this”.

“Yeah…” she was silent for a second. “I do miss it. Having stimulating challenges, doing something useful to help the world… This whole time I’ve felt so disconnected from my team…”

“So, just think about it. Whenever you tell me you’re ready, I’ll sign the papers clearing you”.

“Okay, I will”. Sam stayed silent, looking at Jacob, thinking about all the changes in the routine that the little one had already lived through, and that he soon would have to live. “I think I might need a bit more time with Jacob”.

“That’s fine, but you know it can’t be forever…”

“I know, I know. It’s just that my life has changed so much these three months… hell, this past year!”

“Change can be frightening but think that you are getting back to a job you love, with people who love you and have been there for you the whole time you’ve been in recovery”.

“Right” Sam fell silent, thinking about something the doctor could not read.

“What are you thinking about, Sam?”

“About people who love me. One in particular.”

“A certain General, maybe?”

“Yes…”

“What is it, Sam?”

“We haven’t… not since before I was captured. When I came back, I was too hurt, physically, and emotionally to even think about it. And then I was in bedrest without being able to even move… and then Jacob was born… and now, Jack only comes on weekends and I can tell he’s thinking about it, but he’s too polite or scared not to ask”.

“And what about you? Are you too polite or scared to ask?”

“I…” Sam averted her eyes. Not looking at the doctor, she answered, “I’m more scared about doing it than about asking”.

“As we’ve already discussed before, regaining intimacy after a sexual assault takes time. And in your case, your recovery has been thwarted by different factors outside your control”.

“I’m terrified that I won’t be able to let him be intimate with me again”.

“Sam, there’s nothing else outside of your control now. _You_ are the one to decide what you want and to what extent. And, just as with coming back to work, I’d suggest that you take it one step at a time.”

“Okay”.

“And talk to Jack. If, as you say, he’s too afraid to ask, take the initiative. Have a conversation. Draw your boundaries, go little by little, and stop whenever you feel too overwhelmed. You don’t need to finish the first time you try. It’s not a race. It’s about regaining control over your own pleasure”.

“I feel like I know that already, and yet I find it so hard to do it, to talk to Jack about it”.

“Just one step at a time. First talk about how you feel about it and ask Jack about his feelings. I’m sure just laying everything out there in the open will be helpful for you both. And then you can start thinking about _acting_ on those words.”

“I will. Thanks, doctor, for everything”.

“No problem, that’s what I’m here for”.

Sam stood with Jacob asleep in her arms and just before she left, the doctor added:

“Just let me know how that goes. And don’t forget about the possibility of going back to work”.

“Okay”. Sam left the doctor’s office with several plans about her immediate future.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

When she came home, Sam was greeted by the smell of food cooking in the kitchen, and the out of tune singing of her husband.

“Jack!” she exclaimed as she entered the kitchen, with a sleeping Jacob on his stroller. “I thought you wouldn’t be back until Friday”.

“Well, what would life be without a bit of surprise in it?” he smiled widely at her, approaching her for a kiss. “I have some official business to conduct at the SGC these days so I thought I’d surprise you” His wicked smile sent shivers down Sam’s spine and she couldn’t help but recall her conversation with Doctor Sanders. Jack kissed her once again, proud of the effect his smile caused on her.

“That smells great” Sam said after the kiss, trying to reign her emotions.

“It’s an old O’Neill recipe”.

“I’m going to put Jacob to bed, so we can have the evening for ourselves.” She said, trying to sound sexy, blushing a little at her own words.

“Sure thing”. Said Jack, softly caressing Jacob’s cheeks.

Once dinner was ready, they started eating in silence, until Sam decided to break it. _Take action, regain control._

“I had a session with dr. Sanders today”.

“Oh. How did it go?”

“She talked to me about getting back to work” Sam decided to start with a more comfortable topic.

“And what did she say?”

“That whenever I’m ready I can go back”.

“That’s good. Isn’t it?”

“Yeah, she said I could start little by little, you know, not doing gate travel or anything”.

Jack wondered for a second if the doctor was in the know about the planned promotion of Sam as head of the science department.

“I told her I needed some time with Jacob” Sam added, when Jack didn’t answer. “But I think I might be more ready than I thought. I’ve been considering it for a while, and if I start little by little, I could _feel_ like I once did, you know? Feel like the old me. A stronger one, granted. And a mother, something I never thought I’d be. But I’d be back to regain _all_ aspects of my life” _Nearly all_ , she thought, as her mind drifted to the _other_ topic she wanted to tackle that night.

“I think going back to work can be a good idea for you, Sam” said Jack, knowing that it’d be beneficial for his wife to have scientific challenges at her disposal. Plus, if she came back, she could finally be promoted.

“Thanks”.

“For what?”

“For not complaining. For not judging me for wanting to go back instead of staying with Jacob the whole day. I kind of feel like an awful mother for even considering it…”

“Sam, it’s not as if you were considering abandoning him. We are talking about getting back little by little. And, you know, I might be able to come back from D.C. a bit more frequently if needed”.

“Okay” Sam answered, considering Jack’s words carefully. “Then I’ll tell her I can come back as soon as next week”.

“Great” Jack smiled and leaned forward to envelop Sam in a warm kiss. They lingered like that for a while, their tongues intertwining in a loving dance, savoring the familiar taste of each other.

Sam broke the kiss first, her brain working hard to see how to broach the subject of being _more_ intimate than just that kiss.

“Hey, Sam, what’s wrong?”

“I want _more_ , Jack”.

“Okay?” she could tell Jack was too confused to make the mental connection of what she was asking.

“I want us to… you know. I want to make love to you”.

Jack gulped audibly, trying to find the right thing to say.

“Okay. We can definitely do that. Are you sure it’s what you want?”

“Yeah. I think so. I’m ready to reclaim that part of me, _of us_ , as well. Doctor Sanders said to take it slowly. So we can go to the bedroom and lay on bed, and take it from there. If that’s what you want, too”.

“Yes, yes. I do. I just don’t want to rush things, Sam.”

“We are not rushing anything. It’s been over a year, Jack. I want this. I think”.

“Ah, see, there’s some creeping little doubt that scares me”.

“Please, Jack, let’s try this”.

“Sure. But if you’re not comfortable, we stop. No questions asked, no judgment.”

“Okay”.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Jacob slept soundly on his crib in the nursery, his parents prepared to get silently but surely reacquainted in the adjacent bedroom.

Jack dimmed the lights and turned to look at Sam, who seemed much more determined than she had been several months before, when she had bared her soul and herself to him for the first time since the capture.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, let’s do this”.

She approached him and kissed him deeply, holding his face in her hands, never breaking eye contact with him.

“I’m okay” she reassured him, and with slightly trembling hands, she lifted Jack’s shirt over his shoulders. Jack let her do everything, take the initiative and control the whole time. Sam unbuckled his pants and let them slide down his legs. She looked at his semi-naked body and nodded, silently confirming that she was okay, that she wanted to do it.

Jack nodded silently as well. He didn’t want to break the spell. His breath hitched to his throat as Sam started to undress herself. He contemplated her body, still beautiful from the pregnancy, with some stretch marks mixing with older scars that had almost completely faded. She was the most gorgeous sight he’d ever seen.

“God, you’re beautiful, Sam”.

She blushed at his words and held her arms as an invitation to embrace him. He took the invitation and they both laid in bed, naked, their bodies touching, almost melting in the embrace.

Jack kissed Sam again and slowly trailed her body with kisses. She moaned of pleasure and Jack felt his own pleasure growing. Sam must have felt it too, for she suddenly stiffened.

“Sam, are you okay?”

“Yeah, let’s continue”.

“You sure?”

“Yes” she said and to reaffirm her statement she kissed him in the neck fiercely.

“Okay”.

Jack started to caress her body and felt her relax under his touch. He kissed her while reaching between her legs with his hand. At the touch, however, she flinched and whimpered. He took off his hand at once.

“I’m sorry”.

“It’s okay, Sam.

“It’s just been so long...” she trailed off before adding “I will get there”.

“You will. We’re in no hurry”.

“This was good, though.” She smiled with a tinge of sadness in her eyes. “Tomorrow we can try again and maybe get a bit further”.

“Sure thing, you know, we can try as many times as you’d like” Jack smiled “and get to enjoy each try before we get there”.

Sam nodded, smiling.

“I’d like to try that _and_ enjoy each try”.

Their conversation was interrupted by a crying baby Jacob, who apparently had perfect timing for these sorts of things. As she went to calm Jacob, Sam felt hope blossoming in her chest. They would get there, Sam was certain of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I'm tying up loose ends before the final chapters. They will get there, if you know what I mean ;)


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam receives her promotion, and later Sam and Jack get sexy together.

“Where is it?” the urgency in Sam’s voice amused Jack, as he looked at her frantically searching through the house with Jacob in tow. “Where did I put it?”

“Relax, Carter, you’ll find it”.

“It’s nowhere to be found!” Sam raised her voice and Jacob started crying in her arms. “Shh, shh. It’s okay. It’s okay. Mommy is losing her mind, but it’s okay” she cooed, trying to calm him. “It’s okay. Mommy’s running late and she can’t find her dress blues jacket for the first official ceremony she’s going to go to”.

“Sam, relax. It has to be here”.

Jacob was still crying in Sam’s arms, probably reflecting the worry he was perceiving in his mom. She was running around the bedroom while trying to calm the baby and herself.

“Come ‘ere, hand me Jacob” Jack extended his arms in invitation.

“No, you’re already in your blues. He might get it dirty.”

“Well, then, so be it. I’ll clean it. Hand me the baby so that you can look for your jacket and not lose your head in the process”.

Sam looked at him, and saw the amused expression in his face, which annoyed her but also reminded her of what had attracted her to him in the first place: he was calm and steady under pressure, features of a great leader.

“Okay. Here” she handed him the baby, who seemed to instantly calm down in his arms. “Now, that’s not fair. He likes you more than he likes me”.

“You know that’s not true. You’re the one feeding him. He definitely prefers you. But now he’s just feeling how nervous you are”.

“I guess” Sam conceded and went on to look for the jacket.

It wasn’t long until she found it.

“I got it! We can get going” she motioned for Jack to hand Jacob back to her and softly said to the much calmer baby: “Mommy and daddy are going to drop you off at daycare while they attend to official classified business. Yes, they are, yes, they are. And you are going to be a good boy and behave. Yes, you are”.

Jack loved looking at his wife interact with their son. He stood there, smiling like an idiot. Completely in awe. He was happy.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

Neither the General Landry nor Jack had told Sam the real reason for the ceremony that was taking place that day at the SGC. The official order of business was honoring SG-1’s efforts —and apparent success— in defeating the Ori. They were all being awarded a Medal of Honor and Sam was ecstatic that Landry had the deference to wait until she was back to award the medal, so she could see her teammates honored. Of course, she didn’t suspect that after the medal was awarded, she would be promoted to full bird Colonel, and Jack could not wait. It had been three months since he’d known of the General’s intentions, and not telling Sam had been one of the hardest things he’d had to do. But now, the day was finally here and as Sam and Jack entered the base that had been their second home for years, Jack couldn’t help but feel deeply touched.

“Hey, you okay?” Sam asked him, noting how his emotions were visible for her.

“Yeah. I’m just happy for your team. I can’t believe it’s over”.

“I know. I find it hard to believe myself. I wish I could have been there to help them”.

“You were, Sam. All those months you were confined to bed and bounced ideas off with Daniel and Mitchell… that helped, you know.”

“I know. I don’t want to sound like I’m whining or anything. I had other things going on in my life I had to take care of” Sam gave him a smile and winked an eye, and Jack was once again taken aback by how much progress she’d made that she could joke about it, infuse her whole situation with humor.

“Yep. And take care you did” he winked back at her as they climbed on the elevator on their way to the Gate Room.

When they reached the room, most of the personnel of the SGC was already present, except for the notable absence of Landry, who was probably finalizing details in his office.

Sam hugged her teammates one by one and congratulated them. She was so proud of them and of what they’d achieved that she wanted to enjoy the ceremony to the fullest.

They didn’t have time for an idle chat, as Landry stepped into the Gate Room. They all turned into attention as he climbed the ramp into the podium.

“At ease” he started “the President could not be here today, but that grants me the pleasure of honoring the members of SG-1. Your actions and your courage speak for themselves. Not only did you risk your lives to save this planet, but the whole galaxy too. You valiantly fought against a formidable enemy and succeeded where many others had failed. It is thanks to your valor, your ingenuity, and your perseverance that we can all be here today, honoring you. So, without further ado, it is my privilege to present you with the Medal of Honor of the Air Force. Lieutenant Colonel Cameron Mitchell, please step forward”.

One by one, Cam, Daniel, Teal’c and Vala received their medals. Once they had all been awarded, Landry spoke again:

“There’s one other small bit of business to take care of. Please, come to attention. From the Vice-Chief of Staff of the Air Force, in recognition of Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter’s outstanding work contributing to the defeat of the Ori even while on medical leave, I hereby authorize her immediate promotion to the rank of Colonel”. Sam’s shocked expression reminded Jack of the moment when she had been promoted to major and to lieutenant colonel. Those moments felt like a lifetime away. “Lieutenant Colonel, step forward” Sam did so as she advanced to where Landry was standing, and people applauded.

He started to remove the pins on her shoulders, as Jack approached the podium with full bird ones.

“The United States Air Force has recognized the invaluable contributions you have made for this country and this planet, which exceed the responsibilities of Lieutenant Colonel.”

As Jack pinned her, he took over speaking:

“It is a great pride and pleasure to be the one that bestows upon you the responsibilities, the respect and the rank of Colonel. Congratulations”.

“Thank you, sir” Sam replied, although with her eyes she was questioning his implication in her promotion.

The rest of the ceremony was a blur for her. It was only her second day back and she had been promoted, which came as such a surprise that she basically zoned out.

After it was over, General Landry called her to his office and asked her to head the science department at the SGC.

“It comes with the possibility of a transfer to Atlantis, but for the time being, you would be overseeing the scientists here, and acting as a liaison to the science projects both at Area 51 and Atlantis”.

“It would be an honor, sir”.

And so, it was done. Gate travel seemed out of the picture for the moment, except maybe the occasional mission overseeing the operations at some of the off-world sites. She would have more responsibility than ever, but also less danger —as far as the SGC was less dangerous than being off-world— and more time to be with Jacob. At the moment, it was the perfect arrangement for her.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was late at night of that same day. Jacob was sound asleep at the nursery and Jack and Sam were laying on the bed, reflecting on all the events of the day. They had had the team over to celebrate every achievement and, while it had been nice having everybody to celebrate, Sam was grateful to finally be alone with Jack.

“So, today was great”.

“Yeah”

“You’re the sexiest full bird colonel I know”.

Sam laughed heartily.

“And you’re the sexiest general I know”.

“That’s because you don’t know that many generals”.

“Not true”.

“Then it must be that you need an eye exam”.

“Stop it!” she leaned closer to him, “stop self-deprecating. _You_ , sir, are one sexy general. And I will not take any other answer about it”.

“Yes, Colonel”. He closed the space between them and kissed her in the mouth. It was a passionate kiss, deep and full of love. So much so, that when he finished, Sam felt emboldened and suggested:

“Do you want to try?”

“Okay. No problem. You want to?”

“I’m the one suggesting it”.

“Okay. Yeah. Good. But if you feel you want to stop…”

“We will, don’t worry”.

“Okay”.

Sam could sense that Jack’s nervousness might get in their way, so she decided to try to ease some of his tension. She slid her hand into his pajama pants and placed it gently on his penis.

“Relax, sir” she said with lewdness.

Her touch felt warm on his skin, and it soon made him react. Sam smiled as she felt Jack get turned on, and she decided to up her game. She started motioning her hand up and down, starting off slowly, but rhythmically, making him groan from pleasure.

“God, Sam”.

“Are you comfortable, sir?”

Jack’s brain didn’t miss the fact that she was calling him sir, which significantly turned him on.

“Colonel, you’re playing with fire”.

“Am I, _sir_? I thought I was only doing what you expected from me”.

Jack growled as Sam started caressing his penis in a faster pace.

“Oh, you’re exceeding expectations, Colonel.”

“Well, I’m glad” she smiled, and thought that her hands were good, but not enough.

Jack was completely surprised as he saw her descend on him. She started giving him head and, oh, god, his last two neurons stopped working altogether. She was wet and warm, enveloping his length in her mouth.

“You’ll be the death of me” he groaned in pleasure.

“I know, sir” she responded, stroking his penis with her hands as she took it out from her mouth, never stopping pleasuring him.

“How about you let me pleasure you?”

“As you wish, sir”.

“No, as _you_ wish, Colonel. Today is _your_ day”.

“I love you, Jack”.

“Now, _that_ was a change in tone, Colonel”.

“I know. I was just thinking what a generous lover you were, but we can go back to where we were, sir”.

“Good. How about you open your legs for me, Colonel?”

“Yes, sir”.

As she did so, he was the one who now slid his hands onto her sex. She was just as wet and warm as her mouth had felt a few moments before. He gently stroked her clit, looking at her in the eyes to make sure she was okay.

She moaned under his touch and felt relaxed, enjoying his loving strokes.

Once he felt she was wet enough, he tried sliding a finger inside of her and she responded with a moan. Seeing her positive reaction, he inserted another finger and started sliding them in and out, as he still stroked her clit with his thumb.

Sam writhed of pleasure under his touch, but felt she needed more.

“Jack, please, get inside of me”.

“I am already inside”.

“You know what I mean. I want to _feel_ all of you inside me.”

“Okay”.

He took out his hands and placed himself on top of Sam.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes”.

“Okay”.

He put his penis at her entrance and slid inside her, not completely, just the tip, to make sure she was fine with it. He looked at her questioningly, and she nodded her head, motioning for him to continue. Thus, he inserted his complete length inside of her, filling her completely as if they were perfect pieces of a puzzle. He felt incredible inside of her; he had forgotten just how good it felt.

Sam was also feeling well. Her mind was not overthinking; she was just enjoying the physical sensations of her body. Jack was gentle, but increasing his rhythm, as his orgasm began to build up.

Sam let herself go, allowing every feeling of pleasure build up, allowing the love and adoration she had for that man, and that man had for her, wash over her body. She was close to her orgasm and reached for his head with her hand. She pulled him into a deep kiss and her emotions were on edge as their tongues intertwined.

Enveloped in the kiss, Sam reached an orgasm and Jack soon followed her, spilling his semen inside of her, which felt warm and familiar, and, more importantly, right.

They both laid on the bed, feeling satiated and satisfied.

“Well, Colonel, that was good”.

“It was more than good, sir” she smiled at him and rested her head on his shoulder. “I love you, Jack”.

“I love you, Sam”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, I know that technically neither Teal'c nor Daniel, nor Vala would receive the medal, but how could I not give it to them? They defeated the Ori!
> 
> Aaaaand I hope you enjoy the sexyness. They finally got there!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just an epilogue for the story.

“Look at you, Jacob, you’re so handsome in your new T-shirt” Sam looked at her six-month-old, who giggled and babbled happily listening to his mom. “Yes, you’re the handsomest boy I’ve ever seen”.

Jacob continued babbling cheerfully and Sam could not help the smile forming in her face. He was so big already and looking at his bright blue eyes she felt a kind of love only reserved for the two most important men in her life. It was a love she had felt for her father during the last years of his life, a pure, unfiltered love. It filled her whole being, it gave her life yet another purpose, or, rather, it added to the purpose of saving the universe with her work at the SGC.

Sam hugged Jacob once again, holding him tightly, not wanting to let him go. He started playing with her hair, much longer now that she didn’t have to go on the field. She cherished those small moments of bonding with her son, they were what she was looking forward to through her workdays.

She put him on the crib as she looked at the clock on the wall. It wouldn’t be long for Jack to come back from the meeting he had at the mountain.

She took a look at Jacob once again and said: “You are definitely the handsomest boy I’ve ever seen” she smiled brightly, and Jacob did the same, as if knowing what she was saying. “You are going to behave well today, aren’t you?” Jacob giggled. “Yes, that’s what I wanted to hear. You are my accomplice today. You’re going to make daddy happy”.

She gave the baby his favorite toy, the plush airplane that Cam had gifted him, and turned on the baby monitor, as she stepped into the kitchen to check on dinner.

Sam knew she wasn’t the best cook in the world, but she felt pretty proud of what she was making. It was going to be a special dinner, and she really wanted to make it right. She tasted the sauce she was cooking for the pasta dish that was an original O’Neill recipe. It tasted surprisingly good, almost better than Jack’s if she dared say so herself.

Everything was going perfectly, but she did feel a bit nervous about their evening. She prepared the plates and opened a bottle of wine to allow it to breath. She placed the wine glasses on the table and checked the time once again. It wouldn’t be too long now; Jack must be about to arrive. She took once more look to the pasta, which was almost ready, and went back to Jacob’s room to check in on him.

At that precise moment, she heard the front door open.

“Honey, I’m home!”

Sam smiled at the sappiness of her husband and went out to welcome him.

“You are so cheesy sometimes, General O’Neill.”

“Only because you allow me to be.” Jack looked around and saw the table set elegantly, smelled the food cooking, and then saw his wife quite smartly dressed. “Am I forgetting an anniversary or something?”

“No, you’re fine”.

“Then what’s all this fuzz about?”

“I’m just happy to have you in the Springs for longer than a weekend.” Sam smiled trying to look convincing, but Jack wasn’t really buying it, so he looked his wife up and down, trying to decipher what was going on in her brilliant mind.

“Okay…”

“I just wanted to do something special for a change”.

“Okay…”

“Come on, why don’t we sit and have dinner. The pasta was almost ready”.

“You sure you’re okay? You look…nervous. Did something happen at work today?”

“No, not really. You know, just the usual. Let’s have dinner and I’ll tell you all about it”.

Jack was still eyeing Sam suspiciously, but he decided to let it be for the moment. He put his jacket on the chair and complied.

The dinner passed with normalcy. Both of them talking about their day—the challenges they had faced, the annoying people they had meetings with, the funny anecdotes that happened… By the time they were finished, Jack had almost forgotten the strange way his wife was behaving. Sam seemed to have relaxed a little, which contributed to him forgetting.

However, she had a plan to enact.

“Can you do me a favor and check on Jacob?” she asked, innocently enough.

“Sure thing, Carter”.

Jack got up and went to Jacob’s room, unsuspecting of anything amiss. The baby was awake, playing with the plush toy in his mouth.

“Hey, little fella, Mom said to check on you”.

He looked at his son with a huge smile. He seemed happy playing, and he was just going to leave him be when he saw it: Instead of his usual PJs, he had a short-sleeved T-shirt that said _Big brother_ on it. His mind started racing, making the connection as to why Sam seemed a bit off, as to why she had decided to just drink water, as to why she had taken all the trouble to cook the pasta dish.

He carefully grabbed Jacob and went back to the living room, where Sam was waiting for him, standing.

“Sam…” he started, but the words chocked up in his throat.

“I found out this morning. I bought Jacob the T-shirt before getting to the mountain.

“How…?”

“I guess Janet was not right, or maybe the protein marker left by Jolinar has faded a bit. I don’t know.”

“I’m speechless”.

“You’re happy, then?”

“Of course I am! You know how much I love kids”.

“I was just a bit scared that it might be too early for another kid”.

“Nonsense, Sam. We’ve waited long enough. Hell, I’m too old to be handling a baby… if we waited more to have another, I would be a fossil”.

“But that’s a bit what I mean: we can’t almost handle one baby… maybe two it’s too much.”

“Sam, you’re overthinking. We’re doing fine with Jacob. And I think he agrees” he bounced Jacob in his lap, making the baby laugh. “See?”

Sam smiled.

“Do you want to have another baby, Sam?”

“I do”.

“Then let’s do this”.

“God, we really _are_ crazy”.

“Crazy in love.”

“Crazy in love, indeed”.

As the couple kissed, Jacob happily giggled. It was a testament to their unconditional love they shared with their little family, that was going to get bigger in a few months’ time. It was a testament to their endurance in adversity and their joy in happier times.

They were a happy family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, what a ride this has been! Thank you all for all the kudos and nice comments. This was my first fanfic for this fandom, but it certainly won't be the last. Thanks for accompanying me on this journey! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading the story as much as I did writing it!
> 
> Lots of love!


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